


Whole Again

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Established Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto, F/M, M/M, Rescue Missions, also kanera is just mentioned, and I'm horrible with summaries i swear it's better on the inside, and ahsoka and sabine are just friends but they almost look odd in that long list of ships, and everyone needs a hug btw, and we've all seen rebels, and we've all wanted a better reunion between eli vanto and thrawn, and we've all wanted ezra and thrawn to be brought back eventually, but it's for their own good, i mean we've all read treason, literally just that, our favorite characters don't agree much with this crossover, this is just that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: Sabine Wren has been battling with her conscience for years, ever since that dramatic battle over Lothal. Should she choose to leave his sacrifice in peace - or should she follow her heart and go find him?At the same time, Eli Vanto had been fighting with his conscience, too. He knew he was with the Chiss for a reason, but with every passing year in which he didn't hear anything about his former superior officer, he was more uncertain about his feelings. Should he choose to stick to his duty with the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet - or should he follow his heart and find Thrawn?In other words: two of our favorite characters decide to follow their hearts for once, but they find the road ahead is not quite as easy-going as they had expected at first.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Sabine Wren, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Ezra Bridger/Sabine Wren, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 57
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm horrible with summaries, as you could probably tell. This story started out intended to be just a simple one-shot, nothing too fancy, but after typing non-stop for an entire evening, it had already grown out of proportions and I couldn't find it in me to stop writing. It's a long multi-chapter, though at this time I'm not sure how many chapters. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this fic, and I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much.  
> Quick side-note, I have written for Rebels before but this is the first time writing fanfiction for the Thrawn side of Star Wars. I absolutely those gay idiots and I love the fact that nothing Zahn has written confirms that they are gay, but everybody just went with it, and now I can't picture them as anything other than two idiots in love.  
> Also, I never intended to ship Sabine and Ezra, and I still believe that she is gay, too, but I have enjoyed writing them this way, so I hope you will, too. Thanks in advance for reading this story, and enjoy!

Hera Syndulla had lost too many people in the past few years. They had been torn from her just like that, without her being able to do anything about it. Her heart still hurt permanently from all the losses she’d had to suffer.

Well. When she said ‘too many people’, she really only meant two.

But they had meant the world to her. She could not have known when she had met either of them that losing them would leave such a lasting impact on her, but everyday she seemed to be struggling against the dark clouds that loomed over her. 

They had both been incredibly annoying. So annoying, in fact, that she had considered more than once just leaving them on some backwater planet and not telling them she was leaving, and simply ‘forget’ to pick them back up again. Very quickly, however, both of them had grown into such important characters in her life and she had realized she would move whatever planet was moveable to get them back.

One of them, a stupid part in her heart had made the decision that he wasn’t dead, simply missing, but considering how he had left their midst, she wasn’t sure if the former would have been a better position for him to be in. After all, the company he had been entertaining probably wanted to kill him five times over for all the trouble he, and the rest of the Spectres, too, had caused him. She had had multiple dreams in which they were reunited, in which she could wrap her arms around him and ensure that he was alright. She had yet to convince herself that there was a very real possibility that he was, in fact, dead.

The other one… she swallowed to force down the lump in her throat.

It had been, how many years? She had honestly lost track, but the emptiness in her chest had never really left her since that day. She had been alone when they had met - he had pushed past all of her protests and careful consideration and she had fallen in love with him, madly, until he consumed most of her waking days, and much of her dreams, too. The fact that she had had multiple dreams of enveloping him in her arms, too, scared her for the other figure in her life she had lost. Because Kanan Jarrus… well… he had died. And she really felt, no,  _ knew _ , that Ezra Bridger was still alive. Somewhere.

“Mommy, Bina is leaving,” a soft voice interrupted her reveries, and she looked up from the sight of her clenched hands to cross eyes with the five-year-old who always managed to make her smile without even intending to. Now was no exception, even if her heart still hurt.

“Well, then we best wave her goodbye, yes?”

Jacen smiled at her and nodded, reaching for her hand to hold it tightly. He even kissed the top of it, briefly intensifying the pain in her chest - before exhaling deeply and letting it all leave her body. Jacen Syndulla was like his father, alright, the little charmer always managed to make her feel loved and adored. 

They met Sabine as she was finishing up her prep work for the trip she had planned. Most of it was shrouded in mystery, as Hera guessed the young woman would have preferred it to be, lest there were any rogue Imperials still on the loose to get them. It didn’t matter that over six years had passed - these guys were incredibly capable at harboring grudges. 

“Hey,” Sabine said with a soft smile as she saw them approaching. She quickly rounded up whatever it was that she had been doing, and focused her full attention on them.

“You sure I can’t convince you to stay?” Hera asked teasingly, knowing what answer was coming but feeling like she had to try, still. She had lost so many people… she couldn’t afford to lose any more. But they had had this discussion before, many times over, in fact. Sabine had been convinced from the beginning that Ezra was still alive, claiming she would have felt it if he had died, because he was her best friend and one of the people closest to her and there was probably more there than Hera knew but she wouldn’t press her on it.

Hera knew what the girl was talking about, though. When Kanan had died… she doubted there was anywhere in the galaxy where she wouldn’t have felt his death, like her heart had been ripped out of her. 

“I have to do this, Hera,” Sabine said, her tone serious. Hera sobered up and nodded. She shrugged.   
“I could try, at least.”

Sabine cocked an eyebrow, her lips curling into a smile. “As if I ever listened to you.”

Hera returned the smile fully, before her chest gave a painful lurch again. Yes, Sabine Wren was often a very bad listener, especially when it came to orders, but it came nowhere near Ezra’s blatant disregard for any orders at  _ all _ . 

Sabine looked down at Jacen, her face softening even more than they had. Everybody was protective of the little guy, all knowing why, but if anyone would ask them, they would always make up bantha crap excuses to shield their deepest emotions. 

Jacen was family. At the same time, he was like an extension of his father, and nobody of the Spectres had really managed to overcome their grief. 

“Hey, little guy, you take care of your mother for me, alright?”

“Yes, Bina!”

Sabine leaned in and stage-whispered the next words. “You be extra nice and I’ll slip you some extra sweets when I get back.”

Hera only pretended to be angry as she watched Jacen exclaim in joy and wrap his arms around Sabine, the two of them locked in a tight hug for a little bit. Jacen’s face was turned away from Hera, but she had no doubt the boy didn’t really understand what was happening - she could, however, very clearly see Sabine’s expression, and her heart both warmed and broke at the sight. The young woman had no idea if she would ever come back, and both her and Hera were very much aware of that fact. Little Jacen was oblivious to it all, and it was probably best to keep him that way.

Sabine carefully put Jacen back on the ground and reached out for Hera before the latter could protest. Their arms wrapped around each other even tighter than she felt the young woman’s previous hug had been, and Hera even took in a deep breath, as if she was trying to commit everything of Sabine to memory, the feel of the woman’s arms around her and the scent that was typically Sabine - mostly paint, though. 

“Be careful out there, okay?” Hera whispered as they pulled apart just barely, their foreheads almost touching. What Hera wouldn’t have given to wrap Kanan up in such an embrace one last time, not just their lips meeting in a toe-curling kiss, but also the incredible feel of his strong arms around her, grounding her, shielding her from danger they both knew she was very capable of fighting off, but the fact that Kanan still tried to protect her always made her feel soft. If only she had hugged him then, felt those arms around her… she hadn’t been prepared. Was anyone ever prepared for such things?

And the loss of Ezra had been equally unexpected, as these things tended to be. One moment, the plan had seemed to turn in their favor, and she had almost envisioned all of them having a celebratory dinner, not in the least in honor of Kanan and his sacrifice, when the harsh reality had washed over her like a bucket of cold water. She would be faced with not only the loss of Kanan Jarrus, but also the loss of Ezra Bridger, within barely a week. Her unofficial husband, and the equally unofficial adopted son. 

She put her forehead against Sabine’s. She wouldn’t lose her adopted daughter, too. Sabine wouldn’t be that cruel. Right? 

“Please,” Hera breathed, her voice overcome with emotion, and Sabine nodded, all previous humor gone. The younger woman grabbed Hera’s forearms tightly, almost too tightly, and made her look at Sabine again.

“I promise, Hera. I will bring him back.”

“Yourself, too, please,” Hera added. Sabine nodded again. 

“I promise.”

“Okay.” Hera knew very well that promises like these didn’t mean anything in the long run. Kanan had promised to be beside her when she had told him the news of her pregnancy, and the galaxy and the Force hadn’t allowed him to keep that promise. Still, she couldn’t keep any of her loved ones at a tight leash just because she had a hard time dealing with her grief. Force knew, at one point she would have to let go of Jacen, too, if only so he could live his life the way she wanted him to, the way he deserved.

The same applied to Sabine. The young woman had given up enough for the Rebellion, just like all of them had. 

Sabine kissed Hera’s cheek, wrapped her arms around her again before packing her stuff and heading to whatever place she was going next. Hera had to fight herself so she wouldn’t stop the young woman from leaving, and instead crouched beside Jacen and held onto him tightly. 

Hera knew the boy was probably Force-sensitive. There had been too many coincidences since his birth not to point to the obvious - that Force-sensitivity was often passed on from one generation to the next. General Organa Solo and her brother were enough proof of that, although if anyone asked her, Hera would obviously claim that she didn’t know anything of their heritage. 

But the idea that Jacen had these abilities, in a galaxy that wasn’t all that happy to see Jedi pop up here and there… it frightened her. If only Kanan could have been there. He could have helped their son with his abilities, although he wouldn’t have called them that, she was sure.

Though, one thing did pass on from father to son without the two ever meeting, and Hera knew the Force was to blame for it, too - the boy always knew what she was thinking, and he was often one step ahead of her. 

“Is Bina coming back, Mommy?”

Kriff. She would never lie to Jacen, she had promised herself that. There had been enough lies in the Old Republic and then the Empire and it hadn’t done anyone any good. But she couldn’t tell the boy the truth… the truth that he might never see his big sister again. She couldn’t break his heart like that, not yet. 

“Of course, sweetheart. Bina’ll be back before you know it.”

Jacen turned towards her slightly, his little face telling her of all the thoughts that were currently going through that head of his. There was no point in lying to him. But if he wouldn’t press the matter any further, neither would she.


	2. Chapter 2

Sabine hadn’t quite expected the woman to show up. The message that had been left in her (well, Ezra’s) tower had been cryptic and it could have come from anyone else, but Sabine had known who the sender had been, although it could have very well been a mean trick by some sleemo who was trying to get back at her for kicking their butts. 

Yet something inside her had told her that this was the real thing. And that she would really show up, in whatever way she did that. 

And fair enough, as Sabine turned away from the mural she had left of the Specters -  _ all _ of them - her eyes landing on the figure a few meters away, a white cloak hiding most of her features, she felt a wave of relief wash over her. 

Sabine had felt from the moment the Chimaera had been pulled into hyperspace by the Purgill that Ezra wasn’t dead. She had felt the loss of Kanan so clearly, like everybody else on the team, that she knew she hadn’t felt that when Ezra had disappeared like that. But no matter how strong her beliefs were, she could never quite figure out where to start searching. In a galaxy that required someone weeks to traverse, even in hyperspace, where could she possibly start looking? She had tried, alright. She had pulled up every star chart they owned and calculated where the Imperial Star Destroyer could have ended up, but every trip to said spots resulted in disappointment and a big, empty vacuum of space. The more of these trips she went on, the more people started dropping out, either because they were tired and wanted to spend their time elsewhere, or otherwise just simply didn’t believe in the possibility that Ezra could still be alive and drifting out there somewhere.

And really, even if he was dead… and she very much believed that he wasn’t… she wanted to be able to bring him home. To Lothal, to his beloved planet that had been freed because of his courageous - and stupid - sacrifice. Even if, as the years passed, she knew there wouldn’t be much to bring home, if he were in fact…

“Hey, you coming?” Ahsoka called out, the teasing, joyful version of her before Malachor shining through. Sabine almost waved to the woman, before thinking better of it. 

They climbed into the ship Ahsoka had somehow brought with her in silence. The seriousness of the situation was probably not lost on either of them. 

Ezra had saved Ahsoka’s life. Ahsoka, being a Jedi herself, was probably eager to return the favor.

Yet neither Sabine nor Ahsoka were very certain if they would ever return here - and if they did, what kinds of truths they would be bringing with them.

Ahsoka had already preprogrammed the nav computer to their first searching spot, but Sabine somehow had the feeling that Ahsoka was very aware of where they were supposed to be going. Sabine strapped into the copilot’s seat and chanced a look at the older woman in the captain’s seat. 

“Yes. I can feel him.”

Ahsoka pulled up the throttles and they lifted off. Sabine felt a smile pull on her lips.

_ Alright, Ezra Bridger. Your little vacation is over. We’re coming.  _

~...~

Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to had definitely envisioned his life - and subsequently, his career - to be going down a drastically different path than it actually had. He would have been content as a supply officer, running numbers all day and not seeing a lot of action, if any at all, for the rest of his life. 

Yet adventure had found him, and the years of said adventure had brought him in his current position - Lieutenant Commander, the only alien on board a starship with Chiss, fighting for causes that were not quite his own, but accepting the thrill nonetheless.

And it was that - a thrill. Even though their charges were oftentimes small, and boredom hit him quite frequently, he still appreciated where life, or the Force, or whatever you wanted to believe in, had brought him. Hey, he was still running numbers often, even though that was not quite a task a Lieutenant Commander, or any superior officer for that matter, should probably be doing. He was mostly content.

One thing was missing, however. Couldn’t really fix that, either. Eli usually just pushed that to the side, not always successfully. 

A flicker from his peripheral vision caught his attention, and one quick look at the rest of the bridge told him nobody had noticed the pseudo motion but him. He tapped the nearest shoulder, which turned out to be a Chiss quite his junior that had proven his worth on more than one occasion.

“Captain Hisoukui,” Eli said softly, the Cheunh words falling off his tongue quite comfortably after all these years. “Your attention is required on your starboard side, I believe.”

The junior captain looked up at Eli, for a Chiss, uncharacteristically nervous and unsure, and then followed Eli’s sight, starting immediately. Eli suppressed a smile - the young captain had a lot to learn, still, perhaps even about being a Chiss. Eli shrugged mentally - not that he had anything to teach the kid, if only the color of his skin was any indication. 

Hisoukui pressed multiple buttons to alert their Admiral, and it only took about half a minute for them to have her undivided attention. Although she appeared to be quite annoyed at being interrupted, and perhaps the sight of Eli at the bridge standing right beside the one person who had gotten her attention, alerted Admiral Ar’alani that they would not be having a quiet rotation after all.

“Junior Captain Klugh'isouku'iarduz,” the Admiral said, every sound in the name, including rank, pronounced with patience and a slight sense of annoyance. The young captain, were he a human, would probably have started sweating profusely under the tension, noticing suddenly how every eye on the bridge was turned their way in interest and mere respect. Eli turned away from Hisoukui and looked out of the viewport, silently indicating to Admiral Ar’alani, if the captain failed to do so, what it had been that had caught their attention. 

“Interesting,” Ar’alani said, her voice even but her expression set in careful observation. Eli only knew how to pick up on it because of his own careful observation of her throughout the past few years. “Commander Eli’van’to, is that what I believe it is?”

Ar’alani often opted to leave out the important part of Eli’s own rank, even though it had been her who had recommended his promotion in the first place. He always figured she was trying to keep her fellow Chiss from rioting over the idea that an alien had surpassed some of their other senior officers.

“I believe so, Admiral.”

“Would it be considered rude to send a boarding party their way?”

“I believe it’s unexpected,” and unwanted, probably, “but their mere presence here perhaps requires such a coarse action.”

“You believe a boarding party to be coarse, Commander?”

“No, Admiral.”

“Very well.” She turned back towards the bridge and said, loud enough for the necessary people to hear; “prepare a shuttle.”

When she got confirmation that her order was received, she and Eli walked up to the starboard viewport, their eyes landing on the curious ship.

A shuttle, T-6 model, if Eli wasn’t mistaken, and he was certain he wasn’t. 

A shuttle that, if Eli could believe the records he had read on this matter, before the Clone Wars, had been used mainly by Jedi.


	3. Chapter 3

Sabine strongly regretted not bringing her own ship instead, and she had started this feeling from the moment they had taken off. Not only did she dislike being stuck in the copilot’s seat and not having much control of their flying, in general she just disliked not being the one to fly.

Which had made certain missions with Hera Syndulla quite interesting. They both knew who the real boss had been. 

She trusted Ahsoka explicitly, or, at least enough to allow the woman to pull her with on this wild bantha chase through parts of space she, nor Ahsoka probably, had ever travelled to. 

Hence, she really disliked not being in the left seat. 

“Stop fidgeting,” Ahsoka said, and it was the first thing either of them had said for a long time now. The telltale starlines of hyperspace had been flitting past them for quite some time now, but neither felt very much inclined to leave their stations, although Sabine couldn’t really say why Ahsoka did this same thing. 

“I hate not flying,” Sabine murmured, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms. 

“I’m not actually doing any flying,” Ahsoka said dryly, reminding Sabine that their coordinates had been set and that the ship was probably very capable of bringing them where they wanted -  _ needed _ \- to go. Sabine cracked a smile into the woman’s direction, then focused on the starlines outside the cockpit view. 

“Do you even know where we’re going?” Sabine asked, knowing that specific question wouldn’t really get her the answers she wanted. Ahsoka might not identify herself as a Jedi anymore, Sabine knew as well as anyone else did that their abilities never really turned themselves off. Ahsoka still had great trust in the Force and Sabine wouldn’t put it past her to fly blindly on the suggestions of the Force alone. 

“I can’t give you an answer that you’ll like,” Ahsoka retorted, and Sabine winced. Yep, just as she had expected. 

With a start, the starlines around them reappeared as stars and they were briefly slung forward as they exited hyperspace. Sabine instantly looked around them, on her guard, but was disappointed when she realized that the only thing that she could see was, well, space. There was not even a sizable asteroid in their vicinity. 

“What in the blazes… where did you bring us to?”

“I have no idea.”

“Great.” She sighed in frustration and anger. They were in the middle of what she guessed to be Wild Space, or at least the Unknown Regions, and there was a very simple reason for these territories never to have been included in either the Old Republic or the Empire. “I thought you said you could feel him.”

“I thought I did, yes. But the Force works in mysterious ways. Perhaps it brought us somewhere that will bring us closer to his location.”

“Right.”

Sabine looked around through the cockpit viewports, not seeing anything for many lightyears ahead of them, and looked back at the control board - her eye, albeit accidentally - landing on the radar in the middle between the two seats.

“Ahsoka? How good is this radar at picking up other presences?”

“Not better than any other ships at our disposal. Why?”

Sabine pointed to the faint blinking dot on the radar, indicating a possible presence behind them. They looked at each other and Ahsoka was already reaching for the nav computer to punch in new coordinates, when a calm, almost monotone female voice came through their comms. In a language Sabine had never heard before, which was both a surprise but also not quite, considering she had probably never gone to this part of the galaxy before.

She looked at Ahsoka and found her expression probably matching hers.

_ Great _ .

“Does anyone there speak Basic?” Sabine tried, seeing Ahsoka frown. Well, she could at least try, right? She doubted anyone this far away from the Core spoke any understandable amount of Basic, but if you didn’t ask, the answer would automatically be no.

Well, the response was probably no, as the female voice no doubt repeated what she had just said.

“Sy Bisti, perhaps?” Sabine asked, suddenly remembering that a lot of systems out this way used that trade language. She begged the Force to help them in this situation. Judging by the spot on the radar, their new acquaintances had a sizable ship, the dot having grown significantly since they had established contact. 

“Unidentified ship,” the same voice from before came on, this time in Sy Bisti, and Sabine felt both a wave of relief wash over her and a sense of fear settle in her stomach. For one, she could finally understand what the other ship was trying to say, which minimized chances of the other ship simply shooting them into a million pieces. But she hadn’t really used this language a lot since picking up some of the basics, so she was uncertain that she would be able to hold any meaningful conversation in it. “This is Admiral Ar’alani on the  _ Steadfast _ . State your name and business.”

“Alright,” Sabine murmured in Basic, realizing that she couldn’t very well give their actual names but also knowing she had to come up with  _ something _ . Then switched to the odd language. “Name, Morai. Business, finding a friend.”

She grimaced herself. Why would any self-respecting sentient go so far out of ‘civilized’ territory to find a friend? She doubted that any race in this region would understand the concept of friendship or loyalty. 

“Finding a friend?” the Admiral repeated, as if she hadn’t heard Sabine correctly. 

“Correct.”

There was a silence from the other side, and Ahsoka looked over at Sabine with a very deep frown, indicating she didn’t like where this was quickly going either, but being unable to stop it from unfolding because she didn’t speak Sy Bisti and also didn’t want to out herself as a Jedi by possibly tapping into the alien minds behind them and failing spectacularly if they were any kind of intelligent. 

“Morai, prepare to be boarded.”

“ _ Kriff _ ,” Sabine hissed, and almost panicked, when suddenly a peculiar feeling passed through her.

Ezra… Ahsoka had said that the Force had guided them to a place that might bring them closer to Ezra’s location. Sabine had often been sceptical of the Force and the mysterious way it supposedly worked in, but she had seen the wonders and other amazing things it had done in the past. 

Perhaps this was where they were supposed to be, if they were to get anywhere near Ezra. So she looked at Ahsoka with a somewhat guilty look and pressed the comm button.

“Understood.”

~...~

Eli had stayed at a reasonable distance while Admiral Ar’alani had laid contact with the unknown shuttle, knowing where she wanted not just him, but all of her officers to be in such times. She was kind of a stickler for routine and rules.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek when the unknown person on board the shuttle had nearly pleaded with them if there was anyone that could speak Basic. He hadn’t spoken that specific language in quite some time, which was odd, considering it was his mother tongue. Ar’alani had thrown a warning look over her shoulder, knowing fully well that she, as well as Eli, could speak Basic enough to communicate with the vessel, but also realizing she was probably trying to figure out just who they were dealing with here. 

The fact that the shuttle was a Jedi type still didn’t sit quite well with Eli. He hadn’t really come across a lot of Jedi in his life, not even during his service for the Empire, so they were still a bit the stuff of legends to him. The closest he guessed he had gotten to the Force like that was the Navigators used by the Chiss Fleet, although that wasn’t quite the same thing and he knew it. 

The voice on the other side of the comm sounded hesitant but also a little nervous, her Basic probably as good as Eli’s, which put her at least within the reach of the Core, or close enough to the edges. Her Sy Bisti was quite horrible, the pronunciations practically slaughtered, which was probably a good indication that she wasn’t from around here, or any other place in Wild Space or the Unknown Regions. Eli guessed that Ar’alani would be caving and allowing Eli to translate for them, although her own Basic had improved greatly over the years he had been in the service of the Chiss Ascendancy. 

After all, though, translating was kind of Eli’s specialty. Even if he hadn’t intended for that fact to be true when he had enlisted for the Imperial Navy.

Before old memories could present themselves, his attention was pulled somewhere else. 

“Commander Vanto, make sure our guests are greeted personally.”

“Yes, Admiral.”

Eli’s eyes crossed with young captain Hisoukui. This was either going to end up being really good, or, more likely, put a sizable hamper on their careers. 

~...~

Ahsoka trusted the Force.

She hadn’t always done that. The Force hadn’t always been kind to her, she guessed, although as a Jedi, or  _ former _ Jedi, she knew not to have such immature, childish thoughts about the one thing that bound the entire galaxy together. The Force didn’t owe her anything, she knew that.

Yet, when it really counted, the Force had never let her down. 

So, she would trust the Force. Even now, being slowly brought into an unknown spaceship by way of tractor beam, her heart having picked up a few beats in the process.

It didn’t help matters that she couldn’t understand the conversation that had brought them into this tractor beam in the first place. She spoke a lot of languages but Sy Bisti had not been on that list of priorities. She could tell quickly that Sabine, quite the language expert herself, hadn’t really put a lot of time and effort into learning the language either.

Ahsoka forced down the need to reach out to the beings on the unknown spaceship and sense their intentions, but she couldn’t risk anyone finding out she was a Jedi, because she was not a Jedi, for starters, but mainly because being a Force-wielder was still a dangerous thing to be in certain company.

The ship came closer and they probably both realized that it was huge and could have destroyed them without anyone on board breaking a sweat. Probably best to be diplomatic about this, explain their reasons for being in this area - or, well,  _ attempt _ to explain them. They would probably be asking for anyone to speak Basic, if only a little bit. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Sabine muttered under her breath but Ahsoka could hear quite clearly what the young woman was saying. She wasn’t certain if she could answer that question with a satisfying answer so she decided to remain silent. 

The tractor beam paused almost abruptly, which Ahsoka found quite odd, but then she noticed a small shuttle, only a little bigger than their own, flying underneath the ship, probably having left the ship on the other side. There was a nagging feeling on the back of her neck but she wouldn’t give in. 

If only because she was certain this tractor beam was quite capable of keeping them from jumping into hyperspace. And she wasn’t quite in the mood to be playing a cat-and-mouse game with people she didn’t know.

The shuttle lined up with theirs and attached itself to their airlock and with a faint hiss indicating the space between the ships was safe to traverse, Sabine and Ahsoka reluctantly made their way over to the airlock. 

They were greeted by two aliens, and Ahsoka almost cursed the Force for putting them into this situation. She didn’t recognize these aliens and she didn’t like being in the dark when the stakes were so high. 

A sharp intake from beside her told her that Sabine knew very well what these aliens were.

“What in the blazes…”

The aliens were blue-skinned, their hair black-blue, but the most telling thing of their appearance was their glowing red eyes, quite intimidating, even for Ahsoka. Their uniforms were black, with an emblem of some sort on the upper arms of both aliens. Just when Ahsoka was about to do some extra observations, carefully tapping into the Force, the two aliens stepped aside and made way for a-

A human? 

“Greetings,” the human said, his hands clasped behind his back, his face stoic, voice almost as monotone as the earlier, female voice had been. His Basic was acceptable, though with a slight accent, possibly Wild Space… though he hadn’t said enough for her to be sure. He had brown, slightly wavy hair, perhaps the same length as Sabine always used to wear it. His eyes, dark brown, seemed honest. His uniform mostly matched that of the two aliens by his side, though with slightly more decoration, and the black of the fabric seemed to look distinctly different on his tan skin than it did on the blue skin of his compatriots. “I’m Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to.”

“You speak Basic,” Sabine said, slightly annoyed. The lieutenant nodded briskly. 

“I represent the Chiss Ascendancy.”

“Alright. Any particular reason why we couldn’t simply go on our way,  _ lieutenant commander _ ?” Sabine hissed. Ahsoka laid a hand on the young woman’s - there was no need to provoke people when they didn’t know which side they were on. If there even was still such a thing as sides. 

“We don’t often see ships of this kind in this part of the Unknown Regions,” the man, Eli’van’to, explained. “Our Admiral thought it instructive to subject you to further investigation.”

“No thanks, buddy. I don’t like to be probed.”

“You misunderstand. We are not barbarics. Part of the Chiss Defense Fleet’s mission is to understand what we do not yet comprehend.”

Sabine was about to say something no doubt borderline offensive when Ahsoka stepped in. She had to prevent them from blowing them up the first chance they got. 

“The Chiss… where do they originate from?” she asked, her own curiosity overshadowing her suspicion. She realized that while this Eli’van’to was on board their ship, there was only a very slim chance that the bigger spaceship would shoot them to smithereens. Best make sure to extend this moment as much as possible.

Eli’van’to turned towards her, and she noticed he had picked up on her curiosity. Perhaps he was as curious to find out why sentients whose first language was Basic were all the way out here in the Unknown Regions as Ahsoka was to find out more about these unknown aliens.

“We would be more than happy to answer any questions you might have on board the  _ Steadfast _ .”

“Doesn’t seem like we have much of a choice,” Sabine snapped. Eli’van’to turned back towards her.

“On the contrary, you have every right to decide to leave us. We will let you be on your way without any hiccups. However, as you made clear earlier, you are looking for a friend. Perhaps we can be of some service in that regard.” He looked up through the spaceport closest to them, and they both saw the massive spaceship looming above them. “I dare say we are more likely to have the proper technology on board.”

Ahsoka instantly put her hand on Sabine’s upper arm now, feeling through the Force how the young woman had a retort ready. “Alright. We’ll come with you.”

“Very well. Please, follow me.”

He turned around to return to the Chiss shuttle, then turned back around as a thought seemed to occur to him. "Oh, and please do leave any weapons on board your own ship. We are not interested in shedding blood."   
Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel like this is what the Force had guided her to. For some reason, she felt like these Chiss had a bigger role to play in this than first thought. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to reiterate the fact that I didn't proofread most of this story, so any grammar or logic errors are entirely my own fault, and I am manly (in a way...) enough to admit that they're errors. Or, as some talented writers in this fandom often say: 'no beta, we die like men'.  
> Thanks for reading this far! Eventually, this story got a little away from me, and I'm still looking for it, lol.

Sabine never liked being on board a spaceship that was unfamiliar to her. She wanted to know where her best chances of survival were, where she could find more guns, where she was most likely to run into friendlies or enemies. 

She liked it even less to be onboard an unfamiliar spaceship with a race that was unfamiliar to her. 

Well, mostly unfamiliar to her.

As soon as she had laid eyes on the two blue fellows she had felt a surge of hatred flowing through them. The blue skin probably didn’t have to mean anything, and though she didn’t know a lot of races in the galaxy, she was certain there were more races out there with just the same color pigment in their skin.

The glowing red eyes, however, had been a dead giveaway. She didn’t know anything about these guys, but she knew  _ one _ thing-

Grand Admiral Thrawn. 

The very reason Ahsoka and her were on this wild bantha chase to find their friend, who had sacrificed himself to defeat the blue asshole because that appeared to be the only possible way to surprise him, and ultimately beat him.

She also quickly realized that she didn’t know where these guys stood in terms of Thrawn, for all she knew they could be best buddies, and they perhaps wouldn’t quite like it if they learned that the friend that they were searching for was also incidentally the friend who had made one of their own disappear. 

She wanted to know more about these blue freaks, preferably yesterday, and could tell that Ahsoka was on the same page, yet perhaps for different reasons. Sabine realized that Ahsoka had most likely not known of the existence of the menacing Grand Admiral, so this encounter with the blue aliens was probably her first.

Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to was quiet on their way on board the  _ Steadfast _ , and swiftly led the way to what appeared to be meeting rooms of some sort. Sabine hardly had time to register what the interior of the impressive looking ship resembled, before they were met by even more blue aliens. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant Ivant,” one of the only females they had seen so far said, turning around to meet them. The voice sounded familiar and Sabine quickly surmised that it was the voice that had initially contacted them. She spoke in Basic now, although very accented, indicating she was still in the process of learning it, though perhaps not willingly.

As opposed to all the other aliens they had come across, including Lieutenant Eli’van’to, who all wore black uniforms, she was wearing a stark white uniform, similar emblems on the upper arm, yet her uniform, aside from the color, seemed to be more decorated than the others. Her hair was the same color as the other Chiss, running straight down her back.

“Welcome aboard the  _ Steadfast _ ,” the woman said, bowing her head in what was no doubt respect. Ahsoka glared at Sabine to repeat the movement, and they both bowed their heads, though not as deeply as they perhaps ought to. “I’m Admiral Ar’alani. This is Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to, though I have no doubt the introductions have already been established.”

Not quite, Sabine thought, as they hadn’t given their names yet, only their ship’s name, which was an obvious improvisation and a quick scan of their transponder code would tell them as such. They were probably scanning the shuttle at that very moment, but they had not been put in a cell or otherwise treated as unwelcome guests. Perhaps these aliens understood their initial wish for anonymity. 

“I’m Ashla, this is Yozcave. We want to thank you for your hospitality.”

Sabine was perplexed by the speed at which Ahsoka had come up with fake names, but decided not to question her about it at the moment.

The Admiral waved away the comment, then focused on other things. “Yozcave… that is of Twi’lek origin, is it not?”

Sabine’s heart pumped heavily in her chest. She was not a bad liar, but she wasn’t sure what Ahsoka’s line of thought had been, and didn’t want to ruin the general lie. 

“I’m adopted,” was all she could come up with, and hey, it wasn’t a complete lie.

Admiral Ar’alani was silent for a few beats, then made a sound close to humming. “Interesting.” Yet everything about her intonation made it appear that it was anything but - she sounded almost bored, yet perhaps that was the way these aliens communicated. Judging by the human lieutenant standing off to the side, it might very well be their way of doing things, considering he spoke in quite the same way.

“Tell me, what were you really doing in our territory?”

Ahsoka decided to take the lead on this. Whether or not that was because she didn’t trust Sabine to not offend them more, she wasn’t certain. 

“We were honest in our intentions, Admiral. We are merely searching for a lost friend.”

“And what, if you do not mind my asking, is this supposed friend doing all the way over here? I do not presume you to be from around here.”

“That’s true, Admiral. Yet as much as we want to be honest with you, I hope you do understand that we cannot divulge much more.”

“I see.” The admiral turned towards Eli’van’to, as if to ask for his input. The lieutenant stiffened in response, but only in that military way Sabine had seen during the many wars her people had held. “Lieutenant Eli’van’to, I would appreciate it if you would guide our guests to their suites.”

Suites? They appreciated not being shot out of the sky, but that didn’t mean that they had any intention of staying longer than needed.

Eli’van’to nodded, made his way to the door, when the admiral stopped all three of them in their tracks. 

“One more thing,” she said, her voice casual, causing Ahsoka and Sabine to turn around. “I do not appreciate being lied to. Ahsoka Tano. Sabine Wren.” Sabine’s blood ran cold in her veins, and she had just enough sense left not to swallow audibly. “I have every intention of providing you with aid to find your missing friend, so long as it might help along the general goals of the Chiss Defense Fleet. Be warned, however. I  _ will _ know when you are lying.”

With that, she dismissed them, and Sabine was certain they could soon outstay their welcome.

~...~

One of the unfamiliar women, the human, had recognized them, or at least, the Chiss soldiers he had brought along with him to board their spacecraft. 

Eli found this odd - there were not a lot of humans who had heard of the Chiss, and any humans who had heard of them, only knew them through tales and folklore. The element of surprise had often helped in maintaining a certain air of superiority and mystery around them, Eli had seen it happen, but that all didn’t matter if the other party recognized the Chiss.

He was curious as to how this woman knew of the existence of the Chiss, enough to become mildly enraged at the sight of them.

He had already surmised that these two weren’t from around here, their accents were too Mid-Rim or further to pass for locals. They didn’t quite know where they were going, nor where they were, which indicated that they didn’t come here often, if at all. The Chiss weren’t spread quite wide as other races were - for example, it was quite an accepted truth that you would find humans in basically any system in the galaxy, on any backwater planet you were likely to come across at least one human, friendly or otherwise. He would know, he was a human himself. 

The Chiss Ascendancy, despite having formed the Expansionary Defense Fleet, had no real, solid wishes to expand further into the Galactic Empire, or  _ former _ Empire. They were interested by the systems and races there, but most were pretty satisfied sitting in their own region, unless otherwise provoked. 

So. The human woman had come across a Chiss somewhere within at least the Mid Rim, probably a little closer to the Core. 

And there was only one Chiss who had strayed so far away from the Ascendancy, and had made quite a name for himself for people to perhaps recognize the species. 

It didn’t make any sense, however. Eli hadn’t kept up with a lot of the comm chatter that had seemed to find its way into the Chiss ship, but of course he had noticed the fall of the Empire and the equally massive news that the Emperor had been killed alongside it. Part of him had been upset at this news, not necessarily the death of the Emperor, but of the Empire, the one thing Eli had fought hard to be a part of, even if it was in one of its lowest levels imaginable. He, despite having been a low-ranking officer for most of his service, had helped establish the Empire’s power bit by bit.

Yet as the news had settled, he had realized that he was perhaps not as upset about it as he had expected to be. The Empire hadn’t done a lot of good to him personally, least of all the Emperor, as they all had kept him down with a figurative foot on his head, pushing him into the ground. If it hadn’t been for some very determined senior officer, he would probably have remained an Ensign for his entire career in the Imperial Navy. 

And he had made a new name for himself. Sure, again, it wasn’t quite where he could have expected to end up, but all things considered, he had done quite well. 

He wanted to be heartbroken about the fall of the Empire, but he knew he wasn’t really. And if he knew the Empire, and the high-ranking officers in it, the organization wasn’t quite as destroyed as people on the other side might believe. He wouldn’t put it past them to have made their way underground and plot a coming-out party when the time was right. 

He had, however, kept out a close ear to any news concerning one specific Grand Admiral, just out of curiosity, and perhaps a remaining loyalty for his commanding officer, but as much as the presumed fall of the Empire had basically exploded all of the comms and holos he could get his hands on, news regarding the Grand Admiral had been relatively absent. Last he had heard, he was well on his way to conquer some planet far in the Outer Rim, for whatever reason, and Eli knew if Thrawn had the lead in the attack, he would definitely come out on top.

They hadn’t, though, which Eli found quite odd, but eventually deduced that Thrawn was most definitely not the one taking charge of the attack, and had probably left it to one of his officers. Although, that hadn’t made much sense, either, because even when Thrawn had shifted responsibility for their missions to someone below him, he had always made sure that they would still come out on top, no matter how he had to accomplish this. 

Eli had tried to dig a little deeper into the attempt on the backwater planet, but the archives that he could reach contained no useful information.

So he had dropped it. Perhaps not willingly, but he had other responsibilities now. Perhaps a part of him had hoped that Thrawn might contact him, or Admiral Ar’alani, or anyone else he could think of that would not shoot him at first sight, but that call had never come.

After a year or so, filled with a distinct lack of information on the fate of not only the Grand Admiral, but his entire flagship, Eli had been forced to accept that perhaps the Admiral had perished after all. He had yet to respond to that properly.

He realized the two women were waiting for him to show them to their suites. 

“Right. Follow me.”

He had to find out more about the mission these women had set out on. Obviously, the human recognized the Chiss, which indicated she had seen them before. There was a flutter in his chest when his brain was trying quickly, and perhaps unsuccessfully, to put pieces together that weren’t complete yet to begin with. 

He walked down the hallways of the  _ Steadfast _ , quiet, hearing their two guests walking hesitantly behind him. 

“Look, I don’t know why you’re doing this, but we didn’t mean any trouble,” the human said, her voice laced with irritation and a bit of fear. Eli didn’t respond, but instead turned a corner that would take them closer to the guest rooms. 

“How did you even end up in this freak show?” the woman asked, further establishing that she wasn’t really bothered with not offending anyone. Again, he didn’t grace her question with an answer, not having an intelligent one lying in wait anyway. 

He absentmindedly pressed the keypad to one of the guestrooms, the doors sliding open briefly pulling him out of his thoughts. He turned towards the woman.

“You recognized them.”

“Well, yes. It’s not hard.”

“The Chiss don’t go into any Known Regions very often.”

The woman was quiet, looking at the other woman, a Togruta. Eli had already discerned that the Togruta definitely was the more diplomatic of the two, and combined with the Jedi shuttle, a voice in the back of his mind had tried to convince him to put the pieces together. Somehow, this was not the most important puzzle he wanted to solve right now. 

“Well, I must have run across them at some point.”

She was lying. He could tell. He hadn’t always been able to tell when people were lying, but then he’d learned from the best.

The…

“Does the name Mitth’raw’nuruodo mean anything to you?”

They both looked pensive as they thought over the question. He was surprised they were even entertaining his questions, considering they were very much different from what Admiral Ar’alani had set course for. “Perhaps not the full name. The Chiss have a difficult system of names, tied to the families they belong to. I won’t bore you with the details… but most Chiss have a Core name. It’s derived from the middle letters of their name, which explains why the Chiss often call me Ivant.” He paused. “My name is actually Eli Vanto.”

He looked at them, wondering whether he really,  _ really _ wanted to go down this path. Perhaps a few years ago, when he had just started to settle properly into the Ascendancy and earning his stripes, he would have enjoyed trying to establish communications with his former superior officer. Yet in all these years that Eli had spent working hard to prove himself, the man hadn’t contacted Eli once. 

“I digress. Perhaps you know him better as Grand Admiral Thrawn.”

And as he said it, he looked at the human intently, and got exactly the kind of response he had been hoping for - and at the same time, dreading. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little sidenote: I realized I refered to Eli as 'lieutenant' thusfar and have since found out that the proper abbreviation, if you will, for Lieutenant Commander is simply commander. I will change it starting from this chapter!

_ Grand Admiral Thrawn _ .

Sabine again felt a wave of rage wash over her and she actually stepped towards Eli’van’to, raising her hand to land an impressive punch, but again Ahsoka was there to stop her. 

“I take it the answer is yes,” Eli’van’to stated drily, not even flinching as she had moved towards him. Sabine had to take in a few deep breaths.

This asshole knew Thrawn. Anyone who knew the asshole enough not to get mad at uttering the name was probably in kahoots with the man himself. 

“Yeah, the name rings a bell,” Sabine pressed out, knowing fully well that the commander could read her body language like a children’s book and not caring very much at that point.

If these blue guys and this asshole of a human had anything to do with the disappearance of Ezra, there would be hell to pay and she would not hold herself responsible for the carnage she might leave in her wake.

“What my friend is trying to say,” Ahsoka intervened, lowering Sabine’s hands gently, slowly, so as not to provoke the woman further, “is that we know the name.”

Eli’van’to nodded, his lips pressed together in a fine line. Sabine’s response should be all the indication the guy needed to know what their general opinion was of Thrawn, but even if he knew the man, he didn’t seem particularly offended or otherwise mad at their response. 

If anything, he seemed to get it. That couldn’t be, right? She was seeing things that weren’t there.

“What is the reason for your explosive reaction to the name?” Eli’van’to asked them, his voice calm and measured like before. Yet there seemed to be an underlying tone to his voice that was as of yet unreadable. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

Ahsoka took over. She didn’t know the entire story, but she knew enough.

“The Grand Admiral happens to be the reason our friend went missing.”

“I see.” He paused, seeming to think over a proper response, not that there was any. Sabine was still seething with rage when the man continued. “I apologize.”

“Apologize?” Ahsoka asked, after taking his words into consideration. “For what?”

“It’s, uh… a long story.” And for the first time since meeting this human, it appeared his speech wasn’t calm and measured like his blue coworkers’, but rather… no, Sabine couldn’t quite place it. 

“What happened?”

Sabine and Ahsoka looked at each other. Was this a trap? For all they knew, the Chiss and their allies could be perfect actors, laying traps wherever they could to lure innocent victims and eat them, or whatever. She wasn’t quite sure what the Chiss were capable of,  _ but _ she did know humans. They rarely ate each other.

So Sabine caved, telling the story of everything that had happened, but not before sitting down. She gave the watered down version of the story, the minute details left out for easier comprehension, but it appeared Eli’van’to wanted exactly those details.

“I see,” he said again, thoughtfully, as Sabine finished the story. “And it’s your understanding that the Grand Admiral was lost in this… attack?”

“Duh. Good riddance,” Sabine muttered. The commander didn’t respond to her. Rather, he seemed to straighten his back and make up his mind.

“Well, it appears we have reached a breakthrough.”

Both Sabine and Ahsoka frowned now. Nothing that Sabine had said could have brought him any closer to where Ezra, and consequently Thrawn, were located. 

“A breakthrough? How so?”

“It appears we have a common goal now. You want to find your friend,” he said, pausing after that, looking at their faces carefully, as if to gauge their reaction before he continued the sentence, “and I want to find the Grand Admiral.”

The room was silent for a very long time. Multiple minutes might have passed, and on Sabine’s side, they were spent trying to explain what was happening. She looked at Ahsoka, but the woman seemed to be equally confused and in the dark as Sabine was.

“What do you mean… you want to find him?”

“The Grand Admiral, as you well know, is a Chiss. He used to be a commanding officer with the Defense Fleet.”

“He was with the Empire, though,” Sabine countered. She was fighting hard to keep her stance neutral but then she had such anger inside of her. This asshole of a human had no idea the kind of pain the Imperials had put her and her makeshift family through. She could never forgive them. 

“True.” He paused. She could tell that he, like Ahsoka and her, wanted to remain somewhat anonymous, but he probably realized, like they did, that in order for this to work, they would have to be honest with each other. “So was I.”

Sabine was up and on her feet within seconds, her fist moving before anyone could stop her, but right before she was about to land it on his face, she saw something in his eyes that made her stop. There had to be a reason that this human was employed on a ship full of aliens, and perhaps another reason entirely why he would be willing to share a history with them that would knowingly make them even more angry at them, just to find Thrawn. 

Her fist landed on his chest instead, and he reared back, not in shock or surprise. He held his hand to the place of impact, as if it would somehow soften the pain. His eyes lowered to the floor, pensive perhaps, or otherwise figuring out a way to get them arrested as soon as possible.

“I understand your anger towards the Empire,” he finally said, his hand lowered and his voice quiet, quite the opposite of the voice he had used thus far. So he was still a human despite his current job. “If anything, I must confess I share some of that hatred with you.”

Now, Sabine was wholly confused. She had been in the Imperial ranks herself, but there had always been a voice inside of her that had told her that this wasn’t exactly the cause she wanted to fight for. Cue some traumatic experiences, and she had found her way out of that. If she could believe Eli’van’to, he might have been through similar experiences and had deserted the Empire.

Well. That could be. But there was just something about this that didn’t make sense.

“I have done a lot of good during my time with the Empire, but I cannot deny that I’ve done a lot of bad things, too.”

Sabine could relate to that, she realized with a silent scoff. 

“You must understand; where I’m from, there are not a lot of job opportunities. I could either work for my parents’ shipping company, or enlist for the Empire. I was young, I wanted a challenge, and my parents’ line of work didn’t quite pose that opportunity. So I enlisted. I probably would not have come far in that career, however, were it not for some… interesting developments.”

Sabine wanted to send some snippy retort his way, but now felt Ahsoka’s hand gripping her upper arm very tightly. 

“Sabine, stop it,” she hissed. “Let the man talk.”

Their eyes met, and Sabine tried to ask the woman a thousand questions, but got only the most important answer in return.  _ He’s alright. We can probably trust him. _

Eli’van’to was silent during the short confrontation, then continued when he was certain he had their attention again. 

“I settled for being a supply officer. I always enjoyed working with numbers, and it gave me a thrill. Well, a lot of things changed, and I suddenly found myself having diverted from my career goals quite drastically.” He paused again, perhaps looking for the right words. “I worked with the Grand Admiral for many years, but he wasn’t a Grand Admiral all this time. I watched him rise through the ranks all the way from his first. He, uh… was exiled by the Chiss when the Empire found him. Hardly spoke a word of Basic. I was the lucky one, and the only one, who happened to speak Sy Bisti, so naturally I was assigned as his translator.”

“That’s a far cry from a supply officer,” Sabine retorted, but not in the angry, aggressive way she had filled in the silences that he left. She could almost swear she saw a small grin spread on the commander’s lips. It was gone within seconds.

“What I’m trying to say is that I was a personal aide to the Grand Admiral for many years. He was my commanding officer, but also my mentor, I suppose. I taught him Basic, and he taught me the subtle art of strategy, pertaining mostly to battles and the likes. As such, I feel I owe the Admiral a great deal.”

“And yet, you left the Empire.”

“For all you know, I’m still  _ with _ the Empire.”

Sabine raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

Eli’van’to’s face softened for just a bit, before he steeled himself and shook his head. “No. I’m not. In fact, if the Empire knew of my whereabouts, they would probably arrest me, or else execute me on the spot for treason.”

There seemed to be pain in that realization. Sabine realized they were further together in the proverbial boat as she had thought at first. She, too, was not in great standing with the Imperials - yet then again, there were not a lot of groups she  _ was _ in great standing with. Even some Rebels didn’t like her presence, if only because of the armor she wore.

“Grand Admiral Thrawn personally recommended me to Admiral Ar’alani. He felt I could do much more with my talents on board the  _ Steadfast _ than I could on board the  _ Chimaera _ .”

“Could you?”

He shrugged. “I’m still trying to find that out.”

Sabine once again let all of this information sink in, while another silence filled the room. She chanced a glance over at Ahsoka, but the woman appeared to be deep in thoughts. Sabine knew Ahsoka often had a clearer view of the situations she found herself in, and while she refused to attribute that to her Jedi abilities, everyone knew the opposite was the case.

Sabine swallowed. Desertion or not, Eli’van’to had been part of the Empire, and as such perhaps still had a duty to report any Jedi activity. More reason for Ahsoka to keep on the down-low for the moment. 

“So why do you want to find him so badly?” Ahsoka asked, breaking the silence. It was the first she had said in a while, the conversation mostly between Sabine and the commander, but both turned their heads to her. 

“Like I said. I owe him.”

“What if we find he didn’t survive?” Ahsoka said, once again voicing the very real fear Sabine had that Ezra might be long dead, too. She took in a deep breath. She had to have faith - he was alive, somewhere.

Somewhere.

“You mean, if our common goal disappears?” Eli’van’to countered. Ahsoka hesitated but nodded. “Then we’ll part ways peacefully, and take our missing… associates with us.”

_ Associates _ . Ezra was far more than that to Sabine, to Ahsoka, to everybody who still had hope in their hearts that the young Jedi was alive and well somewhere. Ezra was Sabine’s best friend, no matter how annoying he could get from time to time. 

Sabine studied Eli’van’to’s face for a moment, as the word associate had dropped off his tongue. It almost seemed like he didn’t stand by the choice of words either.

“I have no qualms with you,” he continued to explain. “Neither do the Chiss. Even if they suspect you to have ulterior motives, they will not act until you do.” 

Ahsoka nodded in understanding, then straightened her back and nodded again.

“So, how are we going to do this?” she asked. Sabine startled and whipped her way around to the other woman. She was under the impression that they were still questioning the commander, but Ahsoka seemed to have made up her mind.

“What are you doing?” Sabine asked, not able to keep herself silent. She had gained a bit more trust for the commander, but it was still not enough for her to accept to go on this dangerous mission with him. “He was an imp!”

“So, I seem to recall, were you,” Ahsoka said seriously, turning her head towards Sabine. The latter woman felt a sudden rush of fear through her - she hadn’t divulged that information with Eli’van’to, and with good reason. If he still had ties to the Empire, he might research her and find out her past actions and decide to shoot her on the spot, after all. “But I still agreed to go on this mission with you.”

“That is different,” Sabine argued, feeling anger rise up in her again.

“Is it? Look, we want to find Ezra, and frankly, we have reached a dead end. I believe Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to might bring us closer to his location.”

“I don’t want to be looking for Thrawn, too,” Sabine hissed, spitting out the name and faintly seeing Eli’van’to flinch from the corner of her eyes. 

“I’m afraid we don’t have much choice in the matter,” Ahsoka admitted.

It wasn’t fair. Of course Ahsoka was right, but she hadn’t been present while Thrawn had managed to tear most of her life apart. If it hadn’t been for him and Pryce, Kanan would still be alive. Ezra would still be with them. She couldn’t go on a mission that would manage to save the blue asshole as well.

Yet suddenly she realized her options. Perhaps Ahsoka had figured them out, too.

They could help this commander find his  _ associate _ , but it didn’t mean that he had to remain alive. 

Yes, the Spectres had taught her better than this. Hera would probably be disappointed, maybe even angry. 

“Alright. How do we do this?”

As soon as Sabine would have Thrawn in her sights, he would be dead. She just had to figure out a way to do it without her blaster.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I would like to reiterate the fact that I have zero knowledge on any spaceships in this universe (or any other universe, for that matter), so while I did some research, I might have taken some huge creative liberties here and there.

Eli had not wanted to divulge his history to these women, especially not his history with the Empire. It was obvious in the way they carried themselves that they did not very much care for the organization, and their talk hadn’t cleared that air much.

He couldn’t blame them. Really couldn’t. He stood behind a lot of his missions for the Navy, but there had been times when his conscience had gnawed on him, had forced him to face facts and think about whether or not he was on the right side of the war. 

But his wish to advance in his career had overtook him, and then his loyalty to Thrawn had kept him in that trajectory. 

He had cursed the man often for practically pulling him out of the Imperial Navy to go work for the Ascendancy, but Thrawn had never forced him to do so, and Eli had made that decision himself. But even then, if Thrawn had pressured him to make this step, it was probably one of the best things that could have happened for Eli.

If only so he didn’t have to climb out of the rubble that had been left behind after the collapse of the Empire. 

He forced himself to return to the present. The Togruta had agreed to join forces; the human, not so much. He figured he had to watch his back for that one. 

He had left their guests in the assigned quarters and joined Admiral Ar’alani in her office not long after his talks with the two women. She looked up at him almost expectantly, although he wasn’t sure what it was that she was expecting. 

“I expect the talks were informative, commander?” Ar’alani asked him in Cheunh. Eli hesitated, then nodded.

“They have reason to believe that Commander Mitth’raw’nuruodo disappeared alongside their friend.”

If Ar’alani was shocked at this discovery, she didn’t show it. She was silent for a while, calculating, like she often did. Then, she hummed. 

“Interesting. Did they offer any evidence to that matter?”

He had great respect for the Chiss, after having worked and lived with them for years. They were great strategists and amazing warriors, but they did not act in the spur of the moment. They always required evidence, and they would never act first.

Eli remembered it was a great grievance Thrawn had with them.

“No, Admiral.”

“Then how are we to believe they speak the truth?”

Eli nodded. He had expected this, of course. He had no concrete evidence, except the lack of information on Thrawn’s whereabouts after his supposed attempted conquest of the Outer Rim planet, but after years of sitting on the matter, he finally felt like this was a direction that would lead him closer to the truth. 

Despite all this, however, he didn’t respond to the Admiral. He knew how the Chiss worked, and nothing he said would fully convince them. So he hardly bothered anymore.

“Why do we want to return the Commander?” Ar’alani asked, deciding for some reason to change the subject. Eli was taken aback for only a few seconds, before realizing what direction she was attempting to go down. 

He didn’t have an answer for that question, either. Thrawn was not the much loathed ex-member of Chiss society as he had been before his enlistment with the Imperial Navy, but he didn’t exactly grace the top layers of them, either. Thrawn had oftentimes been a massive pain in the behind, especially for Ar’alani, and Eli could fully understand why she wouldn’t want to return him, only to have him wreak havoc on the status-quo again. 

She sighed and nodded, almost heavily, in understanding. “I always suspected the Commander meant more to you than you first let on, Commander Vanto.”

Eli blinked at her in confusion. Had he heard her correctly? He was quite fluent in Cheunh but it would never be his native tongue and he was bound to mistranslate some words here and there - as Thrawn had in his time attempting to master Basic. And honestly, succeeding. 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, Admiral.”

She looked him over intensely, her glowing eyes narrowing further at him in what could only be described as scrutiny. Ar’alani might not be the genius strategist or keen observer that Thrawn had been, but she was by no means stupid. Did she know? But then, she couldn’t know. 

Nobody did.

“Very well, commander. I will assign you a shuttle and two warriors to join you on your quest to find the missing Commander. Do not expect us to come to your aid when you are in peril.”

Eli quickly caught up with what she was saying and nodded briskly. She sounded resolute, and appeared to showcase a lack of interest in his well being. He knew better than that, but he also knew that the Chiss didn’t risk losing a big part of a fleet for the safety of a few men. “I understand, Admiral.”

She pressed a button on her desk and activated her comm. 

“Prepare Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to’s shuttle, and make sure there are enough provisions on board to last him a while. It will leave first thing in the morning.”

Eli didn’t hear the response from the other side but knew it was confirmation of her orders. 

“Thank you, Admiral.”

She stood and walked over to him, well and truly stepping into his aura, a phenomenon that did not quite exist in Chiss standards. He could feel her breath fan across his face. 

“Do not be foolish, Eli Vanto,” she said quietly, as if in warning. She might not risk the fleet to save him, but he had a feeling she would not like to lose him.

He left her office dazed and confused, yet strangely determined. 

If Mitth’raw’nuruodo was still alive, Eli Vanto would find him.

~...~

Sabine's look into Ahsoka's direction told her everything she needed to know about the young woman’s thoughts. 

Ahsoka decided she probably would have done better going on this rescue mission alone, but she also realized she couldn’t quite deny the woman this. The chance to find their long lost friend, Ezra Bridger… fellow Jedi. 

“You have to chill,” Ahsoka said, realizing even more that she hadn’t used this kind of  _ lingo _ in many years. It vaguely reminded her of Padawan Tano, the person she had always fought so hard to become but couldn’t ditch soon enough when push came to shove. (She knew the Jedi were probably better off not having her share that title.) “We won’t get anywhere by being angry.”

“We have literally  _ no _ idea who this Van dude is.”

“Eli’van’to.”

“Yes, that’s the one. He admitted he was with the Empire. Not only that, he was in the  _ Navy _ , Ahsoka. Those guys are  _ serious _ . You don’t just leave the Imperial Navy.”

“Apparently, he did.”

Sabine scoffed and shook her head. “I don’t believe it.”

Ahsoka took in a deep breath, giving herself strength, and sat down on the small bench against one of the walls, separating the two single beds that had conveniently been ready for their arrival. It wasn’t possible that they had known that they were coming, and Ahsoka chalked it up to being prepared for every outcome.

“You left the Empire.”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t see how, though. From my perspective, the stories are pretty similar. You both appeared to be determined and career-driven until something else came on your paths. I sense some pain in his mind, although I can’t really determine what that pain is about without risk of exposing myself. But we want to find Ezra, and we have no idea where to go next. I know you’ve tried all directions already and came up empty. I don’t like being in the company of people that we know nothing about, but that can change.”

She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming up. She hadn’t expected she would be convincing Sabine to take a leap of faith like this, she had expected the young woman to want to do whatever it took to bring Ezra back. Apparently, she had been wrong.

“I don’t like this.”

“I know. Neither do I. But… despite my… reluctance… to use my… you know,” she said, careful with which words she used in case someone was listening in on them. She found that chance to be quite high at the moment, and she wouldn’t blame them. “I can still sense we can trust them. At least the Commander. He’s a human, too. Don’t you think he would feel some obligation to work with you?”

“I have found out the hard way that’s not exactly how all humans work.”

Neither did the Togruta, Ahsoka knew. There were always bad eggs in every race, on every planet. “I have met a lot of bad people, Sabine. I don’t think this is one of them.”

Sabine sighed and sat down on the edge of one of the beds, her hands seemingly absentmindedly tracing the simply spread underneath her.

"Think about Kallus," Ahsoka added, realizing a bit too late that they had an ex Imperial in their tight group of friends, and he hadn't betrayed them, either.

"He was ISB, not Navy."

"I doubt that would have made a difference to the Empire."

Then, she sighed heavily, almost dramatically, and crossed her arms.

“Fine.”

“If it goes wrong, I’ll take full responsibility,” Ahsoka added, as if that would push the girl over the edge, as if that was what she needed to hear. 

It wasn’t.

“I don’t think that will matter any when we’re dead.”

They had to take a leap of faith. The Force had always been with Ahsoka and it had never hurt her - the near continuous heartache she had suffered at one point in her life had been man-made. She would trust the Force this time, too.

~...~

They set out the next morning, in the shuttle Eli had used to greet their visitors the day before. Personally, he was filled with what he considered a healthy dose of hesitance and caution. He expected their guests didn’t feel any different.

He had been bent over his datapad before retiring the night before, trying to find out more about the circumstances of the disappearance of an entire Imperial Star Destroyer and its thousands of crewmembers, but he ended up at the same dead ends as he had years ago. He had tried to find more background information on the two women, too, but wasn’t at all surprised that he couldn’t find that much about them either.

He had ran the shuttle they had come in through his old but still functioning database, and had managed to confirm that it was indeed a Jedi shuttle as he had thought at first, but it had been reported missing many years ago, before the Clone Wars even, but that it had been registered under a Jedi called Anakin Skywalker. Trying to track his background gave him even less than the previous inquiries - his file seemed to have been completely erased, as if he didn’t exist anymore. Right after the Clone Wars, he had just disappeared.

Not quite surprisingly, Eli had dreamed for the first time in a while. That was, when he had fallen asleep, as he laid in his personal quarters, staring at the ceiling for hours. The faint but calming thrum of the ion thrusters usually managed to lull him to sleep, but today it had almost the opposite effect.    
There was so much about the upcoming rescue mission (as he had elected to name it, for lack of a better name) that he didn’t like. He didn’t know the women he would be sharing a small shuttle with, with the fair presumption that the Togruta was a Jedi and the human was  _ angry _ at him. He had been working his regular numbers quite comfortably but had to give all that up, even if just for a few days, to go out of his way to help these women.

He knew the Chiss might have something to gain if they succeeded. 

Eli was perhaps not that lucky. 

He eventually fell asleep. His dream, of course, was about Thrawn. He wasn’t sure if he liked this course of action, even if the images and memories were vague now, but when he had woken up with a lump in his throat, suppressing feelings he hadn’t allowed to bubble up for years, he decided to take a shower, get dressed and go back up to the bridge.    
He remained there for the rest of the night, or what could be perceived as night, ignoring the glances it had earned him from the other officers. Chiss had a different biological clock than humans, and in the beginning, it had tired Eli out incredibly to try and adjust to their way of living, but had then decided to be honest with Admiral Ar’alani and request a different work schedule and she had agreed. So to see him on the bridge in the middle of his night had made some heads turn, but perhaps not as many as he might have expected.

That was earlier this morning. Now, he glanced over his shoulder briefly as the  _ Steadfast _ slowly shrunk in the shuttle’s viewport, until they were out of the ship’s reach.

He had looked at the two women intensely as they had boarded the shuttle a little while ago, but sensed that they had slept reasonably well, as opposed to him. The Togruta, Ahsoka, had apologized for the human’s behavior from the day before, but Eli had waved it away. 

“No apologies necessary.” He knew what they were feeling, was what he didn’t say.

The women had introduced themselves properly but stayed with names for the time being, keeping the rest of their personal lives to themselves. That was alright by Eli - he could work with just names, even if he had already known the names, it was helpful that they had formally stated them.

The Togruta was Ahsoka Tano, the human Sabine Wren. Sabine didn’t appear to like divulging her name, and again, Eli could get behind that, because he had been perhaps a bit too vulnerable the day before, too open about his past, but it had convinced Ahsoka to join forces, and the older woman had probably convinced the younger one in her turn.

Eli had briefly thought of the dojo’s on Coruscant, about how Thrawn had taught him a valuable lesson. Showing weakness often gave you the necessary information, and it appeared it had worked once again. Even if it was merely a name, or an introduction. 

“So, Lieutenant Comma-” Ahsoka started, but Eli lifted his hand. 

“You may call me Eli,” he corrected her. She smiled faintly and nodded. “It makes things a little easier, I suppose.”

“I suppose it does. So,  _ Eli _ , what will be our next course of action?”

"I went over the little information I could find in the Empire's database-"

"But that's classified!" Sabine interrupted. Eli nodded, fighting down a smile. Perceptive. He hadn't been able to figure out just what her part had been inside Imperial ranks, but he figured it had been a long time ago. If her hatred for the Empire ran this deeply, then he didn't have to fear that she might have this remaining duty to report any odd behavior to the ISB. Considering his own departure, well…

"I was a supervising officer." For about a week, before he had left the Navy altogether and joined the Ascendancy. 

Sabine's face was a picture and Eli almost laughed out loud, if the situation weren't so grim. Here they were, two ex-Imperials, a possible Jedi, and two stoic but lethal Chiss. It sounded almost like the start of a joke.

"I said it before, if the Empire is still out there, my safety is as much at stake as yours."

Neither of the two offered any rebuttal to his words, so he hoped they could finally put these grievances behind them and work towards their common goal.

There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that had appeared, which was telling him that he should find Thrawn, and that voice was increasingly getting louder. And Eli was growing more insistent with silencing that voice.

"As I was saying, I combed through the Imperial databases to find if there was anything they had on Grand Admiral Thrawn's disappearance, but unfortunately, I came up empty." He looked at the women who were watching him with a mixture of fascination and hesitation. "You don't happen to know where the  _ Chimaera _ was located before it disappeared, do you?"

Sabine scoffed. "Well, duh. That would be Lothal."

Eli frowned. Well, the scarce reports from the supposed backwater planet had been correct, but he had not expected it to be this far from their current location. 

"Then why are you all the way over here?"

The two women remained silent, looking over at each other briefly before Ahsoka spoke again. "We have an anonymous source."

"Fair enough. Lothal." He turned to the databank in the corner of the shuttle, gathering the planet's coordinates from his datapad and entering it into the computer. He pressed a button and the nearest planets of Lothal, together with the planet itself, showed up in a holo. "You mentioned that you had already searched for your friend?"

Sabine nodded. It appeared like the two women hadn't expected the Chiss ship to have this kind of technology as well. He couldn't quite blame them, either - he hadn't known what the Chiss were really like until he had set foot on board the  _ Steadfast _ . Thrawn was not a good example of typical Chiss behavior, although it did explain where his intellect and strategic skills came from.

Sabine named the systems she had been to and Eli let them fall from the holo. 

"You also mentioned that the  _ Chimaera  _ was attacked by some creature?"

"Attacked is not quite the word," Sabine corrected. "The Star Destroyer was pulled through hyperspace by Purgill."

"I see." Eli raised his datapad to find information on them, the others silent once more. "Purgill?"

"Yeah. They're space whales," Sabine said, a tone of humor in her voice. Ahsoka was suppressing a smile, and Eli was quite amused by that idea, too.

His origins were in Wild Space, so obviously he had heard of Purgill, but he had always assumed that they were merely the stuff of legends, like so many other things were back there. It seemed Wild Space inhabitants really enjoyed their myths. But now he already knew of two myths that didn’t turn out to be myths at all, and it made him question what other legends were actually true.

He found some information although most of it was mere speculation and hearsay, but Eli had learned that even that kind of information could be extremely useful. He noted down a bunch of numbers, made some calculations, he was good at this at least. Taking into account the size of the  _ Chimaera _ , how much forward velocity a purgill would need to pull it forward on its own… realizing it was impossible to have it be done by just one so narrowing it down to a more realistic scenario… and also factoring in where they were most likely to go to - their own habitat, most likely - brought forth just one option of where the numbers suggested the  _ Chimaera _ might have ended up.

"There?" Sabine asked incredulously, staring at the holo. "But…"

"I have determined this is the likeliest position for the  _ Chimaera  _ to have travelled too. I'm unsure whether it's still there, or if the crew perhaps already left. But I suggest we go and have a look."

Ahsoka was the first to find her words. "Impressive."

"As I said, we're not barbarians."

"Right. So if you want to find the Grand Admiral so badly, why couldn't you use this information then?"

"The particular information about their method of transport was not available to me at that time."

Ahsoka nodded in understanding. "Alright. What are we waiting for?"

Eli entered the coordinates into the nav computer and signalled the Chiss to prepare for hyperspace. Most of the trip there was silent, only Eli's own thoughts keeping him busy.

And certain memories that he had pressed to the back of his head were slowly coming to the foreground. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned on waiting until after the results of the election to publish the next chapter but apparently, it could take until next Tuesday for the final result to be known so obviously I couldn't wait for that. So, here you go!  
> Also, I would like to inform you that Thranto is the main ship in this story, if you hadn't noticed already. Sabine and Ezra is the next one, Kanera is only mentioned (because, you know) and Zeb and Kallus show up only briefly. Just wanted to control any expectations!

Ahsoka felt strong emotions coming off of Eli Vanto, not all of them positive nor easy to read. She only had so much she could sense without using the Force too much to be picked up by non-sensitive beings.

At first glance, she thought she had felt mostly hatred from him, and mostly aimed towards the Grand Admiral, but for what reason she hadn't known at that time. Before she could have come close to finding out why, his feelings had changed. 

Now, she felt mostly reluctance and just a bit of… no, that was probably not correct. She had years of inexperience tapping into the Force so she was probably out of practice. 

"Would you like some refreshments?" Vanto asked her, and despite the cold and distant impression they had gotten from him upon their first meeting, he was quickly showing himself to be a kind, determined soul. He was a good host, and an even better tactician. The Chiss appeared to be knowledgeable but at the same time, no doubt had had their reservations towards this alien. 

If Ahsoka could believe the countless reports on the Empire and their ways of thinking, they had been less than inviting towards any species other than humans. In clearer words, they were rather xenophobic. 

Ahsoka remembered Eli had apparently worked alongside Thrawn in the Imperial Navy. How had that worked?

"How did you end up with the Chiss?"

Vanto looked at her, then at the cup of caf he was nurturing. Touchy subject, perhaps?

"I already told you."

He had. But she had felt it was the diplomatically correct explanation, and expected him to have very different opinions about it.

"Yes, you did. I want your version of the story, though."

"I do not see the need to divulge that information."

"Indulge me. The chances are high that we will never see each other again in the future."

She saw the wheels churning in his head until he spoke again.

"Fair enough. I'll tell you that full story, if you tell me how you landed yourselves out here.”

Her blood ran cold, and at the same time she was fighting very hard not to let her sudden fear show on her face. She’d had practice in that, too, once upon a time, being a soldier in the Old Republic’s army during the Clone Wars often required her to be diplomatic and, admittedly, rather stoic. But that had been years ago. Since her departure from the Order, she had still required herself to keep her full identity hidden, but she had usually found herself in company that didn’t ask too many questions.

Eli Vanto seemed to be different.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

Vanto looked at the Chiss, who hadn’t uttered a word since they all had stepped aboard the Chiss shuttle, both for the fact that they weren’t required to say anything, but also for the simple reason that they probably didn’t speak Basic to begin with. He returned his gaze to Ahsoka, overlooking Sabine completely who had similar feelings at Vanto’s words, but her face was less skilled at keeping her shock from showing. 

“I know you’re a Jedi, Ahsoka Tano,” he said after leaning in, so that only she could hear it. “Or at least Force-sensitive. I want you to know that I know, so that you will realize that we are on the same page. I could very easily hand you over to the highest bidder, but I won’t. I want to help you find your friend, and find the Grand Admiral in the process, and that is it. I have no ulterior motives.”

She looked into his deep brown eyes and searched for any trace of a lie, of dishonesty, but couldn’t find it. He was serious, about his trust in them as well as their current mission of finding the lost Star Destroyer. She understood him, alright. He would not betray her existence, but only if she didn’t betray his trust in her.

“What happened between you and Thrawn?” she asked, in the same low voice as he had been using, but she knew she wouldn’t get an answer for that specific question. 

Yet just before he looked away, she saw the pain from the day before shining through his eyes, and that feeling she had brushed aside earlier as being impossible.

She knew nobody had attempted to find the Grand Admiral, not even the Imperial officers that remained after the fall of the Empire. She guessed the institution wasn’t a big fan of the Chiss, and with the longstanding xenophobia in every rank, she was certain nobody would bother sending troops to retrieve the Admiral, much less the Star Destroyer that was probably beyond repair.

Eli Vanto wanted to find Thrawn, however. He had hardly even hesitated when he had realized that the man had gone missing together with Ezra, and embarked on a mission to retrieve the two of them. It was far more than Ahsoka would expect someone to do for their commanding officer.

Then again, she’d had mentors during her time as a Padawan, mainly Captain Rex, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and, of course, her own master, Anakin Skywalker. She knew she would have done whatever was within her power to protect them, even if it meant searching the entire Galaxy on this wild Bantha chase to find them. 

Was it possible that Thrawn had meant this to Eli Vanto, too? He had told them that he considered Thrawn his mentor, and even if they had been in the Imperial Navy, Ahsoka knew not everyone in those ranks were bad people. It was possible Vanto did, in fact, care, and that Thrawn perhaps cared in return.

But then, why had Thrawn left Vanto with his fellow Chiss? If Vanto had aspired to a career within the Imperial Navy, and had wished to climb the ranks further, why would he pull him out like this? Or had Vanto left willingly? It didn’t appear that the Chiss were keeping him hostage whatsoever, and the fact that Admiral Ar’alani had allowed him to use one of their shuttles to aid Sabine and Ahsoka on this search spoke of some level of trust. After all, the man was a Lieutenant Commander.

“Again, I don’t see the necessity of disclosing that type of information.”

But she could read everything in his face, in his posture, although she was still certain that she was wrong about this. 

For a second, she could have sworn she saw longing cross his eyes when she had mentioned Thrawn.

~...~

Admiral Ar’alani had warned Eli not to be foolish. He hadn’t been certain of her meaning at that time, but he was certain of it now.

He had learned from the very best to hide his feelings, because it would ultimately hide your intentions from your enemies. Thrawn had made it an art to read people’s body language like a fine piece of art, determining exactly how he should move to utterly destroy anyone who opposed him. Eli hadn’t been able to pick up on these subtle signals, but eventually he had gotten the gist of it. 

The Chiss were excellent in hiding their feelings, and at first, Eli had assumed it was because they didn’t feel anything at all. It had been a ridiculous assumption, granted, but he had spent years in close quarters with one Chiss, and now another couple years on a battleship full of them, and he was still certain that the reason they were able to hide their emotions so well was because they just didn’t feel any. 

Eli Vanto was not that good at hiding his emotions, though. And he knew it, recognized it was a fatal flaw in his own design, but also recognizing that it was simply not a basic human instinct to hide your feelings so well that somebody else wouldn’t be able to read you like a book. The moment Ahsoka Tano had not only mentioned Thrawn, but had asked what had happened between the two of them, he hadn’t been able to stop the memories from flashing before his eyes, and it had taken him a couple of seconds to push them away and steel his expression.

He knew, as he watched her face, that he had not been successful this time.

Kriff. He had to get better at hiding his emotions from these women, if he were to convince them further that he had a mere collegial relationship with Grand Admiral Thrawn.    
After all, the man had caused the disappearance of their good friend, and had no doubt further initiated some more grievances towards him. 

The conversation with Ahsoka ended, and the woman turned to Sabine to discuss something that had nothing to do with him. He turned his back towards them and took in a deep breath, trying to mask the act as much as possible. 

No more memories of Thrawn. He had to remain neutral, if he were to continue this rescue mission.

Of course, he hadn’t quite accounted for the dreams that might follow. How could one stop themselves from dreaming about a certain subject? He would like to find out.

~...~

_ The past few weeks had been tense, especially between them.  _

_ Eli couldn’t quite put his finger on  _ why _ , exactly. There wasn’t anything that had happened that was any different from what it had been before, but somehow, everything  _ was _ different, and everything  _ was _ tense.  _

_ He looked at Thrawn as the Chiss stared at his datapad, a frown between his brows as he tried to concentrate on what was on the screen. Eli wondered what he had done wrong, because the Chiss hadn’t spoken to him in two days, yet he hadn’t refused the human from entering his personal quarters when Eli went to investigate.  _

_ Eli tried to read the Chiss’ body language, but aside from a little tension in the man’s back and jaw, most likely due to the increased pressure of their upcoming battle, there wasn’t anything to clue Eli in as to why the Chiss was behaving this way. _

_ It was most unlike Thrawn to ignore Eli Vanto. If there was anyone on board this ship whose company he treasured more than anything, it was Eli’s. But then he hadn’t said a word as Eli had entered the room, hadn’t even looked up from his datapad. _

_ “Sir?” _

_ Thrawn hummed, as if he was too busy to answer him properly. Eli looked at him a little longer, then braved himself and continued. _

_ “Are you alright, Sir?” _

_ This caused the Chiss to look up, that frown still on his forehead, but it seemed to soften unconsciously as his eyes landed on the human sitting on his couch. They sat like that for a while, looking at each other, both on opposite ends of the room. Eli wasn’t unaware of the fact that they were usually sitting closer together, and Thrawn usually had a chair pulled up so he didn’t have to raise his voice as they conversed.  _

_ “I am quite alright, Eli.” _

_ “Right.” _

_ Something flashed over Thrawn’s face but before Eli could properly identify it, it was gone. Huh. _

_ “You know you can tell me anything, right, Sir?” _

_ “There is nothing to be told, Ensign. Like I mentioned previously, I am alright.” _

_ So he was  _ Ensign _ now. They were still colleagues, and Thrawn was still his superior, but they had known each other for so long that they had developed a friendship, and it had caused Thrawn to address Eli with his first name when they were together, in private. It had startled Eli at first, but then he realized he quite liked the sound of his name on those lips. _

_ Those lips…  _ nope.

_ Eli got up and straightened his tunic. “Alright. Well in that case, I will be going for some drinks with Ensign Boxspe. Better enjoy this shore leave while we’ve got the chance, huh?” _

_ Thrawn couldn’t get his eyes back to his datapad quick enough, and Eli could definitely read some intense feelings on his face at Eli’s mention of the other Ensign. He and Jenkai Boxspe had gotten close in the past month or so, the two of them accidentally meeting in the corridors of the  _ Chimaera _ , mostly due to the fact that Eli had taken a wrong turn - he shouldn’t have been in her path at all, but he was happy that he was. _

_ Their relationship, if it could be called that, was purely platonic, however. He cherished the Ensign’s friendship, but she wasn’t exactly his  _ type _. But Thrawn didn’t know that. _

_ “Have fun,” the Chiss murmured, not taking his eyes off the datapad. Eli sighed quietly and put his hand on the reader beside the door, ready to open it, when something made him change his mind. _

_ He would love to hang out with Jenkai. But there were other things he would much rather do. And if the look on Thrawn’s face could be any indication, it seemed the Chiss wouldn’t mind that very much. _

_ He turned back towards Thrawn and immediately saw him looking at him, datapad lowered to his side, and an immense pain in his eyes. This time, the Chiss didn’t bother steeling his expression.  _

_ Suddenly, everything made sense. Eli at once realized why Thrawn had been so tense recently, and why he was distancing himself from Eli. He was hopeful all of a sudden, hopeful that the Chiss reciprocated his own feelings.  _

_ “Thrawn… just say the word.” _

_ “I do not know what you mean, Ensign.” _

_ Eli sighed again and took a few steps towards his supervising officer - but then realized, Thrawn was much more than that; he was Eli’s best friend, a mentor, but most of all, the one person he shouldn’t be crushing on so much but couldn’t help himself at the same time.  _

_ And now, they were so close Eli could feel the Chiss’ breath across his own face, and it made him even more determined to follow this through.  _

_ He went on tiptoes and pressed his lips against Thrawn’s. Just briefly, barely a kiss at all, just enough to feel the other’s lips against his own. He pulled back almost immediately, and looked up at Thrawn, who was staring at Eli - there was no other way to describe it. The human stood like that for a few seconds, looking up into those piercing red eyes, then turned around and making his way towards the door- _

_ He didn’t quite make it. He heard a thump, and then strong arms pulled him back and against a strong chest, and he smiled and closed his eyes, at the same time Thrawn leaned down and linked their lips again. And Eli was certain his legs had given out, but it didn’t quite register until Thrawn’s arms wrapped around him tightly, and deepened the kiss.  _

_ “Please, stay,” Thrawn whispered against Eli’s lips, a hand in the back of the human’s neck, fingers coming up and brushing what they could of his hair. Eli sighed blissfully. _

_ “Alright.” _

_ Jenkai turned out to be the only person in the entire galaxy who had known about Eli and Thrawn’s relationship, and she had been ecstatic to find out that they had gotten together, even if she had known how important it was to keep this entire affair a secret. _

_ She was the only one who knew, and the only one who even suspected anything, long before Eli and Thrawn did themselves.  _

That was, until Ahsoka Tano had started asking questions.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The news still hasn't landed quite yet. Perhaps my realistic brain knows that this is far from the end and that the best case scenario would be a catfight on stage January 20th. I love to be surprised, however.

It took them two days to reach the planet Eli had indicated as a possible location for the  _ Chimaera _ to have ended up, and as they jumped out of hyperspace and the stars returned around the viewport, their first view of the desert planet made their collective stomachs drop.

There it was alright. The  _ Chimaera _ . Half-buried in the sand and in multiple pieces, years of drought and sandstorm damage visible on the outer hull. 

“Well, would you look at that,” Ahsoka said in disbelief. 

Sabine reached out to hold onto Ahsoka’s arm and felt her stomach drop even further. The ship was in ruins. It had obviously crash landed and created a giant crater in the underlying terrain, but years that had followed the landing had filled pretty much every empty crack with sand. 

Sabine looked at Ahsoka, and could tell the older woman was trying her best to get a sense of the ship and its possible inhabitants, but even from the view they had gotten many kilometers above it they had realized that if any people had been alive after the crash, they would not have survived the desert. 

She looked at Vanto, too, trying to get a sense of his feelings towards seeing the ship in this state, but she couldn’t get a lot off of him. He had worked on the  _ Chimaera _ if she could believe him, but it didn’t appear to affect him the same way it did them.

“Let’s have a look,” Vanto offered, opening what seemed to be a supply closet and retrieving some items from the dark corner. Sabine reached for a blaster that wasn’t there anymore, and determined she really needed a weapon again, for they had no idea what kind of creatures would have claimed the Star Destroyer as their new home.

The Chiss pilots landed the shuttle at a safe distance and Vanto had supplied both Sabine and Ahsoka with some desert-resistant gear. Vanto ran some calculations on his datapad. 

“Why do you think nobody tried to salvage the ship?” Ahsoka asked, part curious, part hesitant. It was very possible for the crew on the ship to have fought valiantly against any party trying to confiscate the ship or its parts, and Sabine wouldn’t have put it past Thrawn to have put up a well-calculated fight. That was, if the Grand Admiral had survived the crash. 

Vanto looked at his datapad. “It appears the ship is still cloaked.”

“Cloaked? So how come we can see it?” Sabine inquired.

“That is a very good question,” Vanto said, but didn’t try and crack the puzzle any further. Rather, he pulled a scarf around his face and opened the shuttle’s door, stepping out into the desert. 

Sabine stared after him, then looked at Ahsoka.

“I have a bad feeling about this, Ahsoka.”

The older woman nodded in agreement. “I doubt we have another choice, however. This is Thrawn’s flagship, and we know Ezra was on board when it disappeared.”

“This is a wreck. I highly doubt anyone could have survived the crash.”

Something flashed through Ahsoka’s eyes, and Sabine vaguely remembered the woman telling her about Order 66, and how she had managed to stay under the new Empire’s radar after the crash of the ship she had been on. But just as quickly as it had appeared, it left Ahsoka’s eyes, followed by determination.

“If Ezra is still here, he deserves to be found.” Even if it was merely a body. And that possibility had frequently crossed Sabine’s mind since that fateful day on Lothal and deciding to go looking for him. She was certain that he was still alive, but she had no evidence to prove that theory. “We will bring him back.”

Ahsoka squeezed Sabine’s hand and their eyes locked briefly, before Ahsoka prepared herself for the desert and stepped outside the shuttle, too. Sabine looked over her shoulder at the two Chiss who had flown them all the way over here, and they were talking quietly in their own language.

She better hope that these Chiss trusted Eli Vanto, because it was very easy for them to just leave them behind on this backwater planet.

It took them almost half an hour to reach the ship, despite their close landing space, climbing through mountains of sand and indeed fighting off some critters that had settled around the ship. The inside was eerily quiet, however, further proving the fact that the ship was otherwise cloaked.

Sabine still didn’t understand how that worked. They had no issue seeing the massive starship, but apparently it was pretty invisible to anyone else.

They could see the destruction both the Purgill and the crash on this planet had caused, and found many corridors littered with what were once stormtroopers and other officers manning the battleship. Sabine felt another shiver down her spine at the sight of it all, certainly used to bodies by now, but realizing that their friend might very well be in the same state as these unfortunate soldiers. 

Vanto made his way easily through the ruined corridors, as easily as he had done on the  _ Steadfast _ , which further drove home the fact that he had spent considerable time on the Star Destroyer, and subsequently the realization that he had indeed been with the Imperial Navy. He seemed generally desensitized to the view of many bodies littering the endless hallways, as he kept going like he was on a mission, but some bodies gave him pause. 

Despite her hatred towards the Empire, she couldn’t fault the enlisted soldiers from caring about their fellows, living, fighting and dying alongside each other. Vanto was probably no exception to that.

One specific uniform made him stop in his tracks and kneel down beside it. It couldn’t even be considered a body anymore, time having fully dissolved any remnants of human life of those unlucky enough to have died aboard the ship. Vanto looked at the pile of bones for a long time, and Sabine thought she could almost feel a little sad for the man. 

Instead, she used his distraction to grab a blaster from a stormtrooper nearby and hide it within the extra layers of fabric she had put on for protection against the sand.

“Did you know them?” Ahsoka asked, her voice as Sabine knew it the most - compassionate, understanding, calm. She had lost fellow soldiers, too, they all had, in this stupid war. They could all relate.

Vanto nodded his head eventually. “Her name was Pyrondi. She was a good person.”

Ahsoka knelt beside Vanto and Sabine almost scolded her, but then saw the other woman laying her hand on what was left of this Pyrondi, closing her eyes in concentration.

Wait. What had happened to hiding her Jedi identity from anybody but the Rebellion? Never mind that, even some people within the Rebellion didn’t know that she was a Jedi. Why had Ahsoka suddenly realized she could out herself as one, after claiming she didn’t want to use those abilities in the first place after all that she had been through?

“She died on impact,” Ahsoka said eventually, looking at Vanto with that same look of understanding and compassion. “She didn’t suffer.”

Vanto nodded, but knelt on that same spot for a little longer. Then, he took in a deep breath and got up. “Thank you.”

He looked at his datapad and was mostly business again.

“Where did you say your friend was located when they disappeared?” Vanto asked, still looking at the screen. Sabine answered.

“They were most likely on the bridge.”

Vanto nodded in understanding, and led the way.

They made their way through the ship swiftly after that, Vanto sometimes paying some extra respects to people he recognized, which in itself should be odd because Sabine knew the uniforms of the Imperial Navy were meant to be just that - uniform. Everybody wore the same outfits, the only difference being the multiple ranks people could find them in. But the Navy had very strict dress codes for wearing the uniforms, so it should have been impossible for Vanto to recognize anybody, especially considering they were pretty much unrecognizable now. 

Eventually, they reached the bridge, and Ahsoka shuddered beside Sabine. The latter looked to her side, but already saw the other woman shaking her head as though to dismiss the feeling. 

Vanto stood silently in this room, too, probably remembering his time spent here, and Sabine nearly wanted to say how done she was with him remembering all of these things before he turned back towards Ahsoka and her and straightened his back.

“They’re not here.”

Sabine frowned. Ahsoka hummed in consideration. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, the Grand Admiral was almost always on the bridge, or otherwise in the vicinity of it. I had a quick look into the commander’s office and its antechamber and found it as deserted as the bridge. Furthermore, I do not see the Grand Admiral’s uniform among the bodies.”

Sabine had to give him that. They had seen only part of the ship, but she had not seen the telltale orange suit that Ezra had always worn. The bridge was littered once more with bodies but none of them recognizable to her. 

“So, where did they go?”

“Considering the chance of survival in this desert is slim, despite the fact that the  _ Chimaera _ had supplies for many months, I doubt that the surviving officers are still on this planet. When we approached the ship, I saw most of the shuttles and freighters had left the bay area.” He looked at his datapad once more. “This planet is not known for a thriving community, mostly inhabited by primitive tribes and other, non-sentient species.”

“And you got all that from the three minutes inside the hangar bay?” Sabine deadpanned, but lowkey impressed with his observations. To his credit, he cracked a smile at her. 

“I have gotten a lot more from a lot less.”

Sabine suddenly realized how much he had no doubt learned from Thrawn, and could start to gather the kind of educational relationship the two might have had.

“Any chance that thrifty datapad of yours can tell us where the shuttles have flown to?”

His smile widened. Sabine wasn’t sure she liked that expression.

“As a matter of fact, yes.” He turned the datapad towards them, so they could see what he had been looking at. “I already have our next coordinates.”

Sabine fought down her irritation but couldn’t help but smile. 

Where had this human been five years ago, when she had frantically searched every bit of the galaxy she possibly could?

~...~

It felt odd to be walking through these familiar corridors again after all these years.

He had wished it had been under better circumstances, but then the Empire had not been in a good place already when he had left, and this had been a mere matter of time. 

He had instantly noticed the shuttles’ absence from the cargo bays and had already had his datapad run calculations to possible destinations they could have flown to, even with limited fuel cells at their disposal. The trip through the ruins of the Star Destroyer had been for mere nostalgia’s sake, but the two women didn’t have to know that. 

There had been a loud voice in his head which had told him that he should go up to the bridge, but the way up there was gruesome. He knew the Navy’s uniforms should have limited identification of individuals, but of course he had recognized a lot of his fellow officers. Especially the discovery of Senior Lieutenant Pyrondi had broken his heart, the woman always respected in his eyes, and a valuable addition to the senior officers on the ship. He knew Thrawn had respected her presence, too. 

Of course, he had noticed Sabine grabbing a blaster from a stormtrooper, but he didn’t mention it.

He was relieved when he hadn’t found some of the most senior officers, and most relieved when he noticed the distinct absence of the stark white uniform of the Grand Admiral. He had passed Thrawn’s private suit and knew it was empty, too, but not having the heart - or the stomach - to enter it. He knew the memories would attack him in there and he couldn’t let them overwhelm him, not now.

He had impressed Ahsoka and Sabine with his quick observations but he had known he was slow, his mind clouded by his personal feelings, something Thrawn had tried to get him to unlearn. He was a human being, though, and as opposed to the Chiss, who could function very well without emotion, human actions were rarely not fueled by them.

He had straightened his back further and while explaining their next course of action, made a brief detour to his old room, not far away from Thrawn’s, which had raised some eyebrows at first. Eli was Thrawn’s personal aide, yes, but it was common practice even for aides to have their private rooms with the other officers. His room had been closer to the senior officers’, without him carrying a senior title, but the eyebrows had only lasted for about a week until the vast majority of the crew on board realized the peculiar way in which Thrawn functioned. 

He cleared his thoughts, steeled himself and pushed open the door. Fully expecting some personal items of another officer to be occupying the room, but to Eli’s surprise, he found it mostly the way he had left it before leaving to join the Ascendancy. Some closer scrutiny made him realize that the only reason it looked slightly different than he remembered was because the crash landing had thrown some things onto the floor.

There had been thousands of crewmembers on board the Star Destroyer. He knew living quarters were scarce, and after a fatality with another officer, their room would soon be distributed to another officer who was moving up the ranks. 

He couldn’t understand why it appeared that his private room had been left empty, after all these years.

He stepped inside and brushed the edge of the bed. He closed his eyes and gave himself just a few seconds to conjure up some memories, knowing he had at least a reasonable excuse to remember things. 

He remembered… being assigned this room and not even finding the placement odd. He remembered… Thrawn’s smile as he had divulged his influence in the assignment of this specific room. 

He remembered… he swallowed. He remembered Thrawn knocking on the door in the late hours when everyone who wasn’t on night duty had retired to their rooms. He remembered discussing upcoming battles with Thrawn while they sat on his bed, backs against the wall, for lack of a bench or chair. He remembered… Thrawn leaning in… and…

He coughed and turned around, closing the door behind him and very much trying his very best to not look affected. He found the two women at a respectful distance, but not being able to control their curiosity of the interior of the Star Destroyer. 

“Right. Let’s go.”

If the women noticed anything odd about him, they didn’t mention it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You just know Thrawn would have refused anyone from taking Eli's room after the human left. It's not canon, but it is now. I have spoken.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is the point where the story got a little away from me. It's only going downhill from here, I promise, but if you're into that, stay tuned!

The trip from the desert planet to the calculated and most likely position of the ships that had left the  _ Chimaera  _ behind, took another day or so.

Ahsoka was more convinced than ever that there was definitely something odd going on with Eli Vanto, but she still couldn't quite put her finger on what it could possibly mean. At least now she knew she didn't have to worry about his determination to finish the job - she was pretty damn certain that he was going to give finding the lost crew his all.

For whichever reason that was, was hardly important anymore. 

Ahsoka could feel that they were getting closer, however. She had felt that before, sure, or thought she’d had anyway, but that all paled in comparison to the feeling she got when they exited hyperspace and entered the intended planet’s orbit. They were close, she was certain of it. 

Sabine could tell, too. The young woman was by no means attuned to the Force, especially not in the way that Ahsoka was, but she had been able to sense certain things in the Force, not unlike Ahsoka had seen in the past with other non-sensitive sentients - and even non-sentients. Sabine had often explained how she could feel Kanan and Ezra through the Force, and had often brushed it off as just being able to tell what their steps sounded like, but Ahsoka knew it was possible for non-sensitive sentients to sense the Force. After all, it was all around them, and it would have been odd if they had been oblivious to it all.

She had seen Sabine grab the blaster from the stormtrooper, of course. She knew Vanto had seen it, too, but wouldn’t mention it if he didn’t. She hoped she could stop Sabine from making a huge mistake before it happened, and hoped she could trust the Force to guide her through that when it did. 

Now, they descended onto the planet, the surface the stark opposite of the planet they had previously visited. There were green, healthy trees that seemed to go on forever, bushes, flowers and vines covering the ground. Ahsoka could sense all the little critters that were scurrying around in the green, most of them seeming to be merely frightened by the shuttle’s landing, and those few that seemed to be out for violence were easily swayed to go a different route altogether. 

Ahsoka watched Vanto as he stepped out of the shuttle, the first one once again, and saw him straighten his shoulders as though he was steeling himself for something. Ahsoka looked once more at Sabine, asking her, almost begging her, not to do anything stupid with the borrowed blaster. After all, Vanto seemed determined to get Thrawn back, and probably with the same wish of keeping him alive as they had regarding Ezra. Ahsoka didn’t know what might happen if that turned when,  _ if _ Sabine decided to be stupid. 

They walked for hours and hours. Nobody said a word, as if everyone could feel that they were close. Ahsoka had no idea what was different this time around, considering Sabine, and the others, had tried many times to find Ezra and bring him back, but she hadn’t had the Force guide them, and it had led them to Eli Vanto. Could it really be that he was the missing piece in all this somehow? Did the Force know that he might be one of the few who shared their determination in finding the lost souls, who incidentally seemed to have quite sophisticated technology at his disposal and a quick mind to boot. 

“So,” Ahsoka drawled as they walked down a seemingly endless green hill, done with the silence, at least for the moment. Vanto indicated he was listening, but didn’t stop walking. “Have you figured out yet why we were the only ones who could see the Star Destroyer?”

Vanto nodded without hesitation. He probably had figured it out ages ago but didn’t want to bother them with the details. “Thrawn developed a highly secret decryption code to uncover even the deepest cloak on the  _ Chimaera _ . Or, had it developed. He fed them the idea.” He paused as he had to take a big step to pass a large tree root sticking out of the ground. “Not even a handful of people knew of the code. That was including the techs who made it.”

“And you were one of that handful?”

Vanto nodded.

“What’s the use of such a code if it’s so secretive.”

There was a long silence that stretched between them again. This time, there was no big root to climb over to distract them.

“When I left the  _ Chimaera _ , Thrawn felt it could be useful to be able to contact each other, no matter what state the ship was in. You see… I left to join the  _ Steadfast _ partially because of my own interest in the Chiss - they are all highly intelligent and I could not pass up the opportunity to study them further. The other reason was because Thrawn feared there was a threat to the Chiss people, and despite his own insights into the situation, he felt it could be useful for an outside look to help fight against the unknown enemy.”

“Did it work?”

Vanto sighed, and shrugged. “There was a war, and it was far from pretty. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and despite his genius, I doubt Thrawn could have done anything, either. I helped them prevent mass losses, however.”

They were quiet again after that. Sabine grew more and more angry at the plants they had to cut their way through, despite her attempts to calm herself down on the Chiss’ shuttle, her violent streak was showing again. For the first time, it wasn’t logic that was warning Ahsoka that Sabine might do something incredibly stupid - there was actually a tingling in the back of her mind confirming her own thoughts, and she kept an even closer eye on the young woman. There was no reason to start another war on this seemingly peaceful planet.

Speaking of the planet, she hadn’t focused too much on their surroundings so far, except for making sure they weren’t attacked head on when they exited the shuttle, but after that she had mostly shut herself off from the Force for as much as that was possible. She could sense stronger beings close, possibly bigger ones, and possibly locals she hadn’t wished they encountered but knew weren’t far away. She had seen the encampments about fifteen minutes ago.

“Commander Vanto?” Ahsoka started, but he already got what she was trying to say. 

Within barely two seconds, they were completely surrounded by the aforementioned locals, and Ahsoka didn't have time to investigate them any further - most of the locals were carrying weapons, and most of those were pointed in their general direction. The Force had already warned her of this, but she hadn't wanted to give in to it, her automatic attempts to keep her true identity a secret stopping her from responding to the threat. 

But when she saw one of the locals inch even closer, and aimed her weapon at Sabine, Ahsoka couldn't stay still anymore. She did the one thing she had forbidden herself from doing without a real emergency. The hilts of her lightsabers were already in her hands and she ignited them, her heart beating frantically in her chest by outing herself like this, but the mere sight of the white blades were enough to scare the locals off. One of them remained, pointing his weapon resolutely towards them, before he too decided he didn’t want to die this way and scurried off.

The three of them were silent, staring after the locals, until Sabine was the first to speak.

“That was a lovely welcome,” she deadpanned, and Ahsoka rolled her eyes faintly. 

“We did intrude on their territory,” Ahsoka retorted.

Sabine didn’t grace that comment with a witty response, probably because she realized that Ahsoka was right. Ahsoka in her turn looked at Vanto, her heart and brain still very much aware that his suspicions had just been confirmed, but he just seemed… impressed? She wasn’t sure if that was the right word to use in this context, but it didn’t seem like he was waiting to betray her further.

“I trust this stays between us?” Ahsoka said, but didn’t give him much choice. She would never resort to violence but if the knowledge that she was a Jedi left the safe confines of the Rebellion, her safety and that of her friends was in serious danger. 

To his credit, Vanto merely nodded. He reached out a hand and she stared at it for a moment, before she realized he was offering help to climb the big tree ahead of them, the passed moment seemingly forgotten. 

Sabine was still talking about the locals but Ahsoka didn’t pay attention to it anymore. 

“Considering I have something on you,” Vanto started, “it’s only fair for you to have something to hold against me.”

“That’s not necessary,” Ahsoka countered, but she would prefer it to be that way, too. This way, it would ensure neither would talk about what they had learned during their acquaintance. 

Vanto didn’t give any indication that he had heard her objections. He took in a deep breath, kept walking for a while, as if he was trying to gather the courage to come out with it. Eventually, he stopped walking, and looked at the two of them.

“Thrawn and I…” He didn’t finish, once again pausing to gather his words, but he didn’t have to anymore. Ahsoka could read it in every piece of him, and she had already had her suspicions. 

Grand Admiral Thrawn and Lieutenant Commander Vanto were more than mere coworkers, more than a commanding officer and his personal aide. Ahsoka could read it all in his eyes, could feel his emotions when she reached out with the Force to read him.

Eli Vanto loved Thrawn. They had most likely been in a romantic relationship before their separation, and if Vanto’s feelings on the Chiss that Ahsoka could feel through the Force could be any indication, at least the human’s feelings had not changed on the matter. And Ahsoka knew very well why that could be damning information to possess, for both the human and the Chiss. If anyone found out, both men would probably be court-martialed at the very least, and probably even worse. 

The Empire really didn’t like aliens. There was a whole lot more about the men’s relationship they would not like if they found out.

“I see,” Ahsoka said. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“As is yours with me.”

He reached out again, offering his hand, but not for support this time. She shook his hand, and they sealed their promise. 

~...~

The moment Ahsoka had pulled her lightsabers from her belt, the items having been previously well-hidden beneath her thick robes, Eli had known instantly that things were about to change.

Not necessarily about their mission - if anything, her scaring off the locals had most likely helped them greatly in finding the lost crew of the  _ Chimaera _ .

No. Things had changed between him and the women. Now, he had dirt on the Togruta, and while he would never out her to any interested parties, he couldn’t expect her to trust him with her secret. Which meant that he had to give her dirt on him, to confirm their mutual silence. 

Which meant… he had to tell her about Thrawn and him.

That realization had caused all of his memories to resurface at practically the same time. He wasn’t sure if he was happy about that, although most of the memories weren’t sad at all.

He still remembered meeting Thrawn for the first time, and feeling like both of them were extremely uncomfortable with the situation that the Empire was quickly putting them in.

Eli remembered the loathing he'd felt for Thrawn when it had become clear that he would be pulled from his intended career track and basically demoted to a lieutenant's aide. It didn't matter that he found that specific lieutenant rather interesting, and apparently, vice-versa. Eli had been rather offended by this blatant abuse of power by the Empire for all of two weeks, tops, before being in such close quarters with Thrawn had made him realize that actually, he was quite more than merely interested in the Chiss, but it had taken most of their time together in the Navy for them to realize this fact.

He refocused on the conversation he had been having with Ahsoka Tano, essentially sealing a deal not to blackmail each other because they had dirt on one another. Even though, in Eli’s mind, his relationship with Thrawn was anything but ‘dirt’ to him, but he was very much aware that a lot of people would not think that way. He knew the Empire’s opinion on aliens, so just the mere idea of a successful, respectful partnership between a human cadet and an alien officer would probably have been enough reason for a court-martial if they had set their minds to it. If they were so hateful towards aliens, Eli couldn’t imagine their acceptance would extend to fraternization between two officers, much less of a same-sex nature, and he guessed a court-martial would be the least of his concerns if the Empire had ever found it out. In that sense, it was probably a blessing that Eli had left the Navy altogether, because at the pace his and Thrawn’s relationship had been going, they could not have kept it a secret for much longer.

He pushed his memories to the background once more. He had to focus on the mission at hand, now that they had come so close, he had to see this through, but he couldn’t navigate through these woods if he kept thinking about him and Thrawn together. 

Not even the comfortable warmth and pressure of Thrawn’s arms around him as they snuggled in one of their single beds on board the  _ Chimaera _ , after one of them had successfully snuck through the often crowded hallways of the Star Destroyer without being seen. 

He shook his head. _Focus, Eli Vanto._ _You’ve lived without him for all these years, you can live without him now._ They were both probably better off not being together, because it had threatened both their careers and he knew Thrawn appreciated his high standing within the Navy.

When Eli was about to climb the roots of one of the planet’s massive trees, he noticed Ahsoka had stopped dead in her tracks. He felt the air changing around them, as though the Force itself was trying to tell them something. He had never felt something like this before, not even with Vah'nya, who had been sensitive to the Force, too - and therefore, he knew they were close. Somehow, he could feel it.

He climbed the roots without another word, and when his feet landed softly on the firm ground on the other side, in the distance he saw a small yet distinct encampment, and somehow he knew that this was what they had been searching for. Looking at Ahsoka one final time, seeing her small nod in his direction, he resolutely set his course towards the camp, towards whatever might be awaiting him there.

For all he knew, the other surviving crew members of the  _ Chimaera _ had decided that this had been the perfect opportunity to ditch their alien Grand Admiral altogether, and the Chiss had been dropped in the middle of nowhere all by himself.


	10. Chapter 10

Eli Vanto had damn near ran towards the camp before Ahsoka could say or do anything to stop him. 

She had felt something in the Force without her reaching out, and knew it could only mean one thing. She had only felt this when another Jedi had been close by, and specifically when Ezra Bridger had been close. The feeling had filled her heart with hope and strength, because if she felt him like this, at least it meant that he was still alive. They might be keeping him as a prisoner, but he was alive. They could get him out of whatever corner he had worked himself in, they were good at that.

She looked at Sabine. The young girl was not Force sensitive - neither was Vanto, as far as she knew - but as opposed to the commander, Sabine hadn’t felt the same things the other two had. She looked at Vanto rushing off and looked at Ahsoka questioningly. 

“Did you feel something?” she asked Ahsoka, and the older woman could only nod. Yet before she could allow Sabine to rush after Vanto, she held onto her arm. 

“Sabine,” she said, her voice stern, but not quite so much as Hera Syndulla’s voice could be. That woman was a true mother figure for everyone on the Spectres, and a good leader to everybody who didn’t fall into that category - if only because of her voice, commanding respect, radiating authority. Ahsoka didn’t have that same skill, but despite the lack of authority in her voice, Sabine still halted in her tracks. “Please don’t do anything stupid.”

Sabine’s face instantly showed her that she knew exactly what it was Ahsoka was aiming for, but she still decided to play innocent, for some reason. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Ahsoka’s hand slid down Sabine’s arm until it rested on the blaster, hidden beneath the young woman’s clothing. Ahsoka didn’t pull it out, although she probably should. Simply resting her fingers on the weapon caused her brain to tingle as her danger senses were going in overdrive. She had to trust Sabine. 

“Don’t.”

Sabine sighed eventually, knowing Ahsoka wouldn’t accept her bullshit like some other people did. “I can’t guarantee anything, Ahsoka. These are imps. They destroyed…” The sentence wasn’t finished but they both knew what she was talking about.

Yes, the Imperials had done bad things. But at the end of the day, they had mostly done the Emperor’s bidding, trying to shape the galaxy to his own preferences, and they could hardly be faulted for that. In her own way, Ahsoka had been doing much the same thing when she had still been a Padawan, fighting in a war that she didn’t stand behind, but was forced upon her by the same man that these men had been fighting for. 

Palpatine had been cunning and brilliant, Ahsoka had to give him that. 

And really, while she hadn’t seen herself trusting this human they had met barely a week ago, his aura shady and his intentions unclear, she had grown to respect him during their days spent together. Sure, his intentions were still questionable, considering he was not along to save Ezra but instead wanted to find a ruthless, cunning Grand Admiral instead, she had discovered that his feelings towards said Admiral had been much of the same category as her own feelings towards Ezra. And Sabine fell even more in the same category as Vanto, as Ahsoka knew the young woman had been harboring feelings greater than those between friends or family. Although Sabine wouldn’t admit it verbally, of course.

Ahsoka had gotten a brief look into Eli Vanto’s memories, the very ones he had tried to push away in order to function properly, and not have them figure out what his feelings towards the Chiss were, and she had been filled with a pleasant kind of love as his emotions had briefly overpowered hers. He had really, truly loved the Grand Admiral. The Rebellion had very different feelings about the man, but Ahsoka could not fault the human for feeling this way.

Sabine shrugged off Ahsoka’s hand and followed Eli Vanto. As Ahsoka briefly watched her leave, the Force warned her again. She had to shake it off. She had to see this through without interfering more than she should.

~...~

Eli had started off walking at a brisk pace, but as the camp came closer and closer, he had started to walk even faster, until he was almost running.

He had quickly realized it was not, in fact, a camp of the locals, so his caution had been mostly thrown into the wind. Perhaps Thrawn would have scolded him at walking so blazingly into what could very well be a trap, but he found he didn’t care anymore.

A hand stopped him abruptly. Turning his head to the side, searching for the owner of said hand, he found a human female, probably only a few years younger than him, her poise matching that of practically every other human enlisted in the Imperial Navy, even though she was lacking the distinctive uniform. He was about to open his mouth when he saw her other hand was holding a blaster, and the weapon was very much cocked and aimed at him.

He held up his hands, palms forward, hoping she would understand that he wasn’t here to attack or otherwise threaten them. The woman didn’t look familiar, but then he had been gone from the Navy for a while and she was probably a new recruit brought in after his departure. 

“I come in peace.”

She stared at him, as though she didn’t quite believe that he was here, or that he spoke Basic, or whatever had her surprised at his sudden appearance. There was movement from the corner of his eyes and he so desperately wanted to turn his head and see what it was about, but he was aware that the woman still had her blaster pointed at him. He couldn’t make any unexpected movements. 

“I’m Eli Vanto,” he said, his voice calm, even though he had no idea if there was any way for him to talk himself out of this situation. He had been gone from the Navy for a long time, but he had faith that there were still people who would recognize him, or at least the name. Being Thrawn’s personal aide, he was conscious of the fact that he might have garnered a name for himself, too, even if it was that of the Navy’s worst recruit. 

There was a voice speaking in a language unfamiliar to him, and the woman looked over Eli’s shoulder to look at the beings who had joined them. She said something in the same language, and before Eli had a chance to wonder how she spoke such a language, seeing as it was not common practice for Imperial recruits to speak anything other than Basic, he felt rough hands suddenly holding on to his wrists.

“Eli Vanto,” the woman said, focusing again on him. Her expression had changed from caution to hatred, and Eli realized he might not be such a welcome guest to these people as he had first hoped. “The traitor.”

“Well, it depends from which ang-”

“Do not speak to me unless I ask,” the woman spat, the blaster moved closer towards his face. Alright. He had anticipated a lot of scenarios upon finding the lost crew of the  _ Chimaera _ , but this was certainly not one of them. He hoped Ahsoka and Sabine weren’t close, but then realized that they couldn’t do anything else anyway, even if they weren’t caught themselves. 

“Stop that,” a voice said from a different direction than the other, unfamiliar and alien, voice had come from. The hands holding on to his wrists held onto him for a little longer before they dropped them, and Eli shook his arms to get rid of some of the pain in his shoulders. He watched the woman’s face for more hostility, and wasn’t surprised to find it in abundance, but she lowered her blaster until it was no longer directly aimed at him. “He’s a friend.”

“Like hell he is,” the woman spat once again, her face coming in closer to Eli’s to get her point across. “He’s a traitor.”

“To what?” the other voice said, coming closer. Eli didn’t dare turn around in fear of the woman raising her blaster once again. “The Empire? It’s gone, Celieva. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

She directed her hatred towards the as of yet unidentified being, stepping away from Eli to spew her venom in the direction of the other. 

“How dare you-”

“Ezra!” a very familiar voice yelled out, and Eli finally dared to move on his spot, turn his head. Ahsoka and Sabine had finally caught up with him and were running towards what was no doubt the person who had spoken in Basic.

It was a young human, probably around the same age as Sabine was, with equally blue hair and eyes. He was sporting a small beard, surprisingly well-kept considering the environment. He was wearing a dirty, very much stained orange jumpsuit, which seemed to be at least two sizes too small for him. He seemed surprised to see the women, but forgot all about his initial conversation and accepted their hugs. 

“More traitors,” the woman beside him hissed, but took a few steps away from everyone and resumed her guard of the encampment. “I hate my job.”

Eli also had the opportunity to look at the other unfamiliar beings, and they were definitely not human. Humanoid, by the looks of it, but Eli didn’t have the right knowledge of aliens across the galaxy to know what species they were. No doubt they were some of the locals, too, and while Eli was quite worried about their intentions, he couldn’t help but be a little bit entertained at the thought of the Star Destroyer’s crew having to work with  _ aliens _ . Most of its crew was probably as indoctrinated about aliens as Eli had been at first.

Which also explained why the woman was so angry at seeing him - he knew the Empire was far from happy about his departure. They made no secrets about that towards its citizens either. 

The women were incredibly happy to see this Ezra person, and Eli knew it was the friend they had been looking for. He felt only a partial triumph in his chest, as for him, it had only been part of the mission. He doubted he could ask about the Chiss, certainly they would execute him on the spot. 

“Ezra, this is Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to of the Chiss, uh…” Ahsoka started, but realized she didn’t remember the full thing.

“Expansionary Defense Fleet,” Eli completed, reaching out his hand to shake Ezra’s. The younger man looked at the offered hand suspiciously, before Sabine nudged his side and they shook hands.

“Nice to meet you,” Ezra said, taking his hand back quickly and still eyeing Eli with a bit of suspicion. “The Chiss, huh?”

Eli nodded. Again, Eli was very much aware of the fact that next to nobody knew of the existence of the Chiss, unless they had met Grand Admiral Thrawn, and even then they usually didn’t know too much about his species. The tone in which Ezra had spoken, however, told Eli that the young man knew very well what the Chiss were, and Eli wondered if he had already surmised what Eli’s mission was. 

“I will not beat around the bush,” Eli started, “I had another mission, together with finding you.”

Ezra nodded, not even in understanding; he nodded as if he had already known that Eli had an ulterior motive. It made Eli wonder whether Ezra could read his mind or something, or perhaps he knew of Eli’s existence because of the Imperial recruits he was stranded with. 

“I know,” Ezra confirmed Eli’s suspicions. “He’s not here, however.”

Eli felt his stomach drop, but gathered himself quickly. He had known that there was a possibility that they would never find Thrawn, and that it was very much possible that he would have to continue his search for the Chiss alone, especially if the women had found what they were looking for. He couldn’t expect them to help him find the man who had destroyed so many lives over the years.

“I can bring you to him, if you like?” Ezra offered, interrupting his thoughts. Eli noticed Sabine grabbed Ezra’s arm in warning, and the man looked at her briefly. “Don’t worry, Sabine. It’s fine.”

She stared at Ezra, but sighed and nodded. “Fine.”

Ezra waved at the aliens who had been standing at quite a distance and they nodded, joining them as all of them started walking away from the encampment. 

Eli looked briefly at the woman who had threatened him, and he could see she still had her finger on the trigger of the blaster, even if the weapon was no longer aimed at him. He could only guess it was a good indication of the general feeling about him within the Empire. 

~...~

The moment Sabine had laid eyes on Ezra Bridger, everything else just faded away. She ran towards him, not caring what dangers could be awaiting her in doing so, and wrapped her arms around him before he had the chance to anticipate, and the last time she had felt this happy was when she had held baby Jacen in her arms right after his birth. 

Kriff. She had missed him so much. She had known that she had missed him, her body had even told her as much, and her friends knew her better than she knew herself; yet having him here in her arms, safe and sound, made her that much more conscious of the fact that she’d had to live without him for so many years.

He looked good. Dishevelled, yes, still wearing the clothes he always wore while being Spectre-6, even if they were too small for him. He had grown, he was no longer that teenage boy she had grown to know, and the years looked good on him. She found herself unable to let go of him, but then he didn’t shake her off, either. 

She felt hatred in her stomach again when Vanto confirmed he did have ulterior motives for going on this mission, but then she had mostly known this from the start. She had known he wasn’t in this to find Ezra, he didn’t even know him, so Sabine had always known he was most definitely there to find Thrawn, in whatever way he could. She couldn’t imagine anyone caring that way about that blue asshole. 

Ezra was happy to see her, too, and Ahsoka as well. The two of them showed a meaningful look, and Sabine wondered if they had already felt each other’s presence through the Force, but then she knew that answer. After all, Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker always knew when the other was close, even if it was just in the planet’s atmosphere, and Sabine knew that that wasn’t a rare thing for Jedi to feel other Jedi around them, even if they didn’t share familial bonds. She did wonder why Ahsoka hadn’t told her Ezra was on this planet, but realized that Ahsoka had no way of knowing in what state he was in, and probably didn’t want to worry Sabine any further. 

They passed a little hut and Sabine somehow already knew that this was Ezra’s hut - there was something distinctively Ezra Bridger about the way the contraption was built, and even if that was not a dead giveaway, the fact that it was basically undecorated confirmed it further. Ezra had fully given in to the Jedi lifestyle, like Kanan had taught him, and both their bunks had been sober, except for Zeb’s part in his and Ezra’s room. 

“Let me get you something to eat and drink first. You must be starving.”

They weren’t, really, they had brought enough supplies to last them several more days before they would have had to return to the shuttle, but the thought of something other than a nutrition bar enticed Sabine greatly. They paused for only a few minutes, Eli politely declining the food, and it made Sabine’s anger once again boil a little, before she shook it off once more. He probably didn’t want to impose himself on them, considering he stayed outside the hut, too. 

Sabine had so many questions to ask Ezra, yet now that they were in private, just him, Ahsoka and herself, she found she could not voice any of them. Perhaps it was fear for what their status was on this planet, close to this Imperial encampment, not wanting to ruin what little standing they might have with these people; perhaps it was just the fact that she was simply happy to see him, and didn’t want to spoil this happy reunion with tragic tales of what had happened to him all these years.

“I’m surprised you managed to find us,” Ezra said, with a hint of humor in his voice. Sabine smiled into her cup of water. 

“What, like we can’t manage without you?” she countered. 

Ezra looked thoughtful, then nodded firmly. “Yeah, pretty much.”

They laughed briefly and then decided to continue on their way, Eli joining them when they left the hut.

They set out on a small path through the thick forest, the aliens still behind them. Were they there for safety? They had to be. The longer they walked, the heavier the dread grew in her lower belly. Were they really going to actively search out Thrawn? The person who had single handedly tried to destroy everything she held dear? The person who was, at least indirectly, responsible for the death of Kanan Jarrus, the bonus father she could never have pictured wanting? 

Ahsoka reached out for one of Sabine’s hands, and squeezed it faintly. She could probably sense her emotions through the Force, and therefore Sabine tried to fight them down a little. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t like the idea of anyone other than Ahsoka and Ezra being able to read her mind like that. 

Eventually, after a walk of about ten minutes, they reached a hut quite similar to Ezra’s in design, except this one was in fact decorated more. It was half-hidden behind a big tree trunk, and from the direction they had come, it was near invisible, but Ezra seemed to know where they were going. 

The door opened, the inhabitant had probably heard them coming, and out stepped the one person in this galaxy Sabine Wren hated more than anything, period. And she found herself slowly reaching for the blaster that was hidden beneath her clothes. She just had to wait for the right moment…


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on publishing this chapter tomorrow but I couldn't help myself. Lucky you!  
> Also, fair warning: this is where the metaphorical shit hits the equally metaphorical fan. You've been warned!

Eli kept his distance from the three friends, already feeling like he was imposing on them by asking for their help in tracking down Thrawn. It had appeared, however, that the Chiss was not as lost as he had thought, seeing as Ezra found the hut without problem, despite its relative invisibility due to the trees surrounding it. 

The door opened, and out stepped Thrawn… and Eli found his resolve slipping.

This entire time, from the moment these two women had set foot on the  _ Steadfast _ , he had convinced himself that he disliked Thrawn for putting him in the situation he was in. That he disliked Thrawn for treating him so distantly when they had been briefly reunited because of that whole business with the Stardust project, and he had tried to convince himself that even if he didn’t dislike Thrawn, it had been too long since they had last seen each other and whatever it had been that Eli had felt for the Chiss, it was definitely long gone by now. 

But seeing the Chiss in front of him now, he knew his feelings were quite the opposite. Eli understood he had to face his true feelings towards the Chiss. His heart raced in his chest, his cheeks flushed, and he realized he was still very much in love with Grand Admiral Thrawn. 

Kriff, the man still looked great. His hair was not as long as it had been when they had first met each other, back when Thrawn had been exiled by the Chiss and he had spent months on that planet by himself. His blue-black hair was a little longer than Eli last remembered it, and it seemed to be cut a little less perfectly than it had been then, but it still showed of Thrawn’s dedication towards his personal image and hygiene. There was a slight stubble on the Chiss’ cheeks and chin, and Eli realized that he hadn’t even been aware of the fact that Chiss did in fact grow facial hair, too. He had never seen any Chiss with a beard. 

Thrawn was not wearing his Imperial uniform, and was instead dressed in something that was more akin to the outfit he had been wearing with their first meeting, yet this time, it was not quite as torn and was cleaner than expected. 

Eli wanted nothing more than to rush towards Thrawn and hug him, similarly to what he had seen happen with Ahsoka, Sabine and their missing friend Ezra. That had been a happy reunion, but then they had mostly known that Ezra was still on their side and would similarly be happy to see them, too. 

Eli had no idea of knowing where Thrawn stood, especially not in his feelings towards Eli. The human had realized pretty early on that living with Thrawn in such close quarters had made him fall faster for the Chiss than he had ever fallen for anybody, ever, but Thrawn had been a bit more reluctant to admit to his feelings. It had not been a surprise to Eli that it had taken them years to give in, but he had realized then that Thrawn had felt the same way about him. 

“Commander Vanto,” Thrawn said, a polite nod of his head accompanying the otherwise dry words, and Eli’s emotions were put out like a fire when doused with a bucket of water. This again? Guess he had his answer. He felt his heart ache almost immediately but couldn’t let it overpower him like that. He was still on half a mission now - the Chiss would appreciate it if he brought Thrawn back to the  _ Steadfast _ , now that he didn’t have many ties to the Empire anymore. 

“Admiral Thrawn,” Eli said in response, the words odd in his mouth, despite having uttered them quite often. It had always been with the memory of what they were, in private, when nobody was looking. He didn’t have that pleasure now. 

Thrawn looked at the others, and Eli saw the man’s eyes widen, before he recovered himself again. But before further polite introductions could be made, Eli saw Sabine move from the corner of his eyes and moved before his brain had even fully caught up with what was happening. 

The young woman had pulled out the blaster she had taken from one of the stormtroopers on board the  _ Chimaera _ , and had aimed it at Thrawn without hesitation. In his turn, Eli quickly stepped in between Sabine and the Chiss, and consequently right in the crossfire if she had already fired. His heart was once again beating violently in his chest, but at the same time, his heart had told him that this was the way to go. 

He couldn’t let Sabine shoot Thrawn. Even if the man didn’t reciprocate his feelings anymore, he couldn’t let her shoot the man he loved. 

“Sabine, don’t,” Ezra said, stepping close towards the woman and whispering some things only they could hear. But she wouldn’t listen to reason anymore. 

“He killed Kanan, Ezra,” she said, her voice full of emotion - anger, mostly, but Eli could definitely hear the traces of sadness underneath her fury. “I can’t let him get away with that.”

“We know,” Ahsoka said, joining in the discussion. “I understand wanting to shoot him, but it’s not going to bring back Kanan.”

Ezra opened his mouth to say something in defense of Thrawn, but a loud sound silenced him.

The blaster shot hit Eli before he could change his mind on catching it, and felt the painful surge spread across his chest. Kriff. He had expected Sabine to see reason, but he wasn’t surprised. 

He tried to stay standing but all of his energy was sucked out of him, and his knees gave up. The last thing Eli Vanto heard before losing consciousness was a loud, gut-wrenching scream from behind him - the last thing he saw was Thrawn falling down beside him, his face almost unrecognizable with emotion. The Chiss was usually so composed, but apparently, seeing Eli get shot changed all of that.

Well. Would you look at that…

~...~

Sabine only partly regretted shooting while Eli Vanto was standing in Thrawn’s way. Sure, the human had helped them find Ezra, but at the end of the day, Vanto was an imp and in kahoots with Thrawn and if she couldn’t hurt Thrawn directly, this was the next best thing. 

Okay, so the horrible scream that was torn from Thrawn’s lips as Vanto had sunk to the floor startled her a bit, but it also reminded her of the exact reason why she wanted to hurt Thrawn like this - the scream had sounded awfully similar to Hera Syndulla’s when that fuel tank had blown up, taking Kanan Jarrus with it. Sabine had vowed to make every person even slightly responsible for his death pay for it, and this was the cherry on top of the cake. Hera would not have agreed on this course of action, but that was alright.

She wasn’t surprised when Ahsoka smacked the blaster out of her hands and Ezra took hold of her upper arms, turning her towards him.

“What did you do?” he asked her, his voice mostly calm, but there was anger underneath it, too. Why was he angry? He had been there too when Kanan had died, he must feel the same way about Thrawn. 

Sabine saw Ahsoka rush towards the two men and crouched beside them. 

“There was no reason for you to do that, Sabine,” Ezra said, his voice fully calm now, but his hold on her arms tightened. He was calm, but he seemed disappointed in her. “Do you feel better now? Did it bring back Kanan?”

And while the adrenaline was quickly wearing off, and Sabine looked to her side to the mess she had made, she soon realized that Ezra was right. It didn’t change shit, it didn’t make the ache in her heart go away, it didn’t make Kanan magically reappear before them - all it did now was fill her with shame and regret. 

She loved Ezra Bridger. She had loved Kanan Jarrus, while she’d had the chance.

And for whatever reason, Eli Vanto loved Thrawn. How would she feel now if Vanto had shot Ezra the way she had shot him? 

“Oh… kriff…”   
Ezra nodded, relieved he had gotten through to her, and rushed to join Ahsoka at the men’s side. 

What had she done?

~...~

Ahsoka had known Sabine would do this. She had hoped the young woman would see reason, and Ahsoka had purposefully asked about Vanto’s history with the Chiss in the hopes that he would reveal what Thrawn had meant to him, and that Sabine would realize that there was a bond there not unlike some bonds the young human had with her friends and family.

But it hadn’t mattered in the long run. Sabine had still shot Eli Vanto. Nothing Ahsoka had told her had made any discernible difference. 

And now, Ahsoka was crouched beside the man who was supposed to be her enemy, and all she felt was his pain radiating off of him, and she felt the strong desire to help him. They were better than this. The Rebellion didn’t resort to violence like this, not even against their enemies, not when they could help it. 

She didn’t know Thrawn that well, but she knew by now the Chiss didn’t show emotion, not even positive feelings, their face a blank slate. In that regard, they had been perfect recruits for the Imperial Navy, considering they were like robots concerning their emotions, too; were it not for the fact that the Empire hated aliens. 

But for all the times she had been reminded of the Chiss’ impassiveness, she could not have prepared herself for this reaction. 

Thrawn was holding an unconscious Eli Vanto in his arms, tears in his red, glowing eyes. His hands were shaking, and he was muttering words under his breath she couldn’t translate. In that moment, she finally realized the true extent of the feelings these two men shared for each other. She’d had suspicions, of course, and Vanto had confirmed as such when they had laid out their mutual dirt for each other, but she hadn’t had it fully confirmed until now. 

“Eli,” Thrawn whispered, almost inaudibly, and it was the first intelligible word Ahsoka had heard coming from him since the human had been shot down.

She felt for a pulse in Vanto’s neck and was surprised to find one, albeit faintly. She placed her hand on his chest and focused on the Force. She knew it was technically possible to heal someone like this, but she had never done it, and even then she wasn’t sure if Vanto could be saved in the first place. Still, she tried, because even if these were her enemies, and they would have killed her on sight once upon a time, they still deserved better than this.   
Despite the fact she had ditched her Jedi life, she still very much felt her Jedi obligations weigh upon her shoulders. And she hadn’t yet forgotten the lengths Eli Vanto had gone to to find Ezra, even if it was partly to find his own lost loved one. 

Ezra joined her not long after, his hand already on the human’s chest, next to hers. Their eyes crossed and they came to a mutual agreement. 

They would try their very best to save him. It was the least they could do for him. 

~...~

In the end, the aliens that had remained at a safe and polite distance had rushed in to aid in whatever way they could, and everyone had chimed in to help save Eli Vanto.

Sabine wanted to help more, but she knew she might not be welcome at that moment. She had not missed Thrawn’s deadly stare in her direction when the initial shock and despair had worn off, and sadly, she knew what he was feeling. She had basically felt the exact same way when Kanan had been killed. 

Thrawn had carried Vanto into the Imperial encampment, his mask in place but it was very much apparent he was not okay. The first hostilities that had existed towards Eli Vanto had melted as soon as the crewers laid eyes on the human’s still form, and even more people chimed in to help. 

It made Sabine realize that despite the different camps they were in, despite the fact that they had been rooting for each other’s downfall, these sentients could still work together to save someone that mattered to them, even if there was just one of them who truly cared. 

When Vanto had dropped to the ground, she had slowly crawled out of the tunnel that she had been in. She realized it only later, when the others were already busy with fixing her mistakes, that she had been stuck in a tunnel vision, that her sight had been red with revenge and that she hadn't been able to think clearly. Force knows Ahsoka had tried to talk her out of it, but she couldn't be faulted for the things that Sabine had done. 

Upon entering the encampment, now that they didn’t have more pressing matters at hand, she had more time to investigate what the little village was actually like. It was less an encampment, really, and more like a slightly undeveloped town. There were a few small houses and others still being built. They had obviously used only local resources, and with the limited items at their disposal, Sabine found she was quite impressed by their handiwork. Some houses were still under construction, and she was quite intrigued by the building’s frames. 

That was a day ago. Vanto had been placed inside one of the central buildings of the encampment, and Thrawn had taken up the responsibility of guarding the human, despite there not being any real danger aside from his injuries. Sabine had caught a quick peek of the Chiss as he sat by the unconscious human, and she had once again felt a pang of regret in her chest. 

In a quiet moment, she had slipped into the room when it was only Thrawn and Vanto, and she knew the Chiss had noticed her walking into the room. She knew he was far from stupid, but she also knew that a loved one being in such a situation might sometimes hinder rational thought.

She had seen it happen in Hera after Kanan had died. 

“Take a seat,” Thrawn said, his voice calm and collected, the way she remembered hearing all those years ago when they had been fighting for control over Lothal. Yet there was a trace of exhaustion in there, quite uncharacteristic for the man. Then again, he had been overcome with emotion right after Vanto had been shot, and that had been even more unlike him. 

She obeyed, pulling up a makeshift chair from the corner of the room and sitting at a slight distance from the Grand Admiral. 

“How is he doing?”

“Alright, considering the circumstances,” Thrawn answered, his eyes never leaving the human. Sabine noticed suddenly, as she had come a little bit closer to him, that Thrawn was holding Vanto’s hand. It was difficult to see from the doorway, but unmistakable from this distance. 

She wanted to apologize, it had been him that she had wanted to shoot, but she knew it wouldn’t change anything. Just as shooting either of the men hadn’t fixed any of her heartache, neither would her apology fix Eli Vanto’s current state. 

Still. She had realized that they were in fact better than this. Ahsoka had scolded her with those exact words when Vanto had been brought into the encampment, and Sabine knew she was right. The Rebellion was better than this. Even though the Mandalorians would have approved of this action, she knew her new family would be disappointed. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, before her mind could stop the words. She looked down at the hands that were folded in her lap.

“An apology is not necessary, Sabine Wren,” Thrawn said, and she could tell he was looking at her now. “You wanted to shoot  _ me _ . I understand that. I have destroyed much of your life, and that of your fellow Rebels.”

Yes, he had. Briefly, so many of their defeats flashed before her mind’s eye, and most of them were because Thrawn had once again outsmarted them. 

“I have spent many years fighting a war that was not mine. It was not until your friend Ezra Bridger that I was faced with that realization.” He was silent for a while, and she chanced a look at him. He was once again looking at Vanto, the hand that had been holding onto the human’s still one now joined by Thrawn’s other. “If anyone should apologize, it is me.”

And there it was. She had hated Grand Admiral Thrawn for as long as she had known of his existence, he was the reason for all of her heartache over the past few years, and in quiet moments, when she had been laying in bed mostly, she had thought of numerous ways to hurt him, and most of them didn’t even include killing him.

Yet here he was, apologizing to her. He recognized the pain he had caused her, and the fact that he had done it all fighting in someone else’s war, and now he was sitting here beside the lover she had shot down, and he was  _ apologizing _ .

“Okay.” She simply had no other words for whatever she was feeling now. Sure, his apology didn’t undo all of her pain, but neither had shooting Eli Vanto, even if she had been aiming for Thrawn at the moment. She doubted shooting the man himself would have made any discernible difference in her pain, either.

“How is Captain Syndulla?” Thrawn asked, but this time, he didn’t take his eyes off Eli Vanto.

“Alright. Considering.” She wanted to show him that he hadn’t succeeded in ruining them, not completely anyway. She wanted him to feel stupid for even attempting it, but then he had spent years on this planet and she had no doubt Ezra had convinced him of such, too. It would definitely explain his quick willingness to apologize to her. “She had a child, you know. Kanan Jarrus is the father.”

Kriff. She shouldn’t have said that. If Thrawn knew that Kanan was Jacen’s father, he would probably already put two and two together and realize that Jacen was probably Force-sensitive, too. The Empire was still out there hunting Jedi, she knew that, but the longer she thought about it, the more she realized… that Thrawn had  _ apologized _ , and no imp had  _ ever _ done that to her. Nobody had ever apologized for putting her through what she had been through, both at the Academy as well as during her time with the Specters and subsequently the Rebellion. If he was willing to apologize, she realized he had probably seen the true nature of the Empire, and she hoped with all of her heart that he no longer posed such a big threat to the Jedi anymore. 

Thrawn took some time registering that bit of information, and eventually, he looked back at her. She could have sworn there were tears in the corners of his eyes, although she wasn’t certain if Chiss could even cry. But here he was, looking at Eli Vanto and radiating what could only be described as pain. 

“I am glad to hear it.”

And then Thrawn raised the hand he was holding to his lips, kissing the top of it and choking back a sob. Sabine didn’t know what she should do with this situation, so in the end she decided she would just get up and leave politely and let these two have some privacy - even if only one was currently able to enjoy that privilege. 

“I am truly sorry, Sabine Wren,” Thrawn whispered before she managed to leave the building. Her back was facing towards him, and she didn’t know if she should turn towards him or not. 

Eventually she decided that leaving without another word was probably best.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself: things aren't getting any better for any of our lovebirds.  
> Also, enter: that one character whose name always reminds me of the fact that none of us can go on vacation right now. You know the one.

Everything had been black around him, for Force knows how long, until it wasn’t.

The first thing he noticed when he came to was a horrible pain in his chest that seemed to burn like a thousand suns, and he had trouble breathing. He had trouble remembering what had caused such pain, his mind still foggy with what he thought were memories.

The second thing he noticed was that someone was holding his hand. He tried to identify the person, but his eyes refused to open. He focused on the skin that was underneath his finger tips, and tried to fight his way through the fogginess that was still overruling his brain.

Eventually, it clicked. He had been shot by a blaster by rebel Sabine Wren, and Thrawn had basically caught him as he had collapsed to the floor. And the gentle hand that was currently holding on to his definitely belonged to Grand Admiral Thrawn.

“Eli?” Thrawn asked quietly, gingerly almost, as if he was afraid of making Eli’s throbbing headache even worse. Thrawn always did know people better than they knew themselves, and it wasn’t until he thought about it that Eli realized, he probably would in fact have been in a lot more pain if the Chiss had talked at a normal volume. 

Eli moaned, nothing much else capable of leaving his mouth. He squirmed in the bed, his eyes still closed, but the fog was quickly clearing. 

“Are you awake, Eli?”

Thrawn only ever called Eli by his given name when they were in private, when things were serious and not serious at the same time. When they could simply be friends, lovers, instead of coworkers. Instead of a boss and his subordinate. 

Eli realized he had given up hope of ever hearing Thrawn say his name in this way, had thought that their separation had ruined what little was left of whatever it was that they’d had, once upon a time. But Thrawn’s beautiful, sultry voice saying Eli’s first name made his heart flutter and he forced his eyes open. He needed to see Thrawn. 

Kriff. Would he ever get used to the little jump his heart made whenever his eyes landed on the Chiss? Even if his view was still unclear, there was no mistaking the beautiful man sitting by his bedside. 

The great Grand Admiral Thrawn, by  _ Eli’s _ bedside. Because he had been shot, and Thrawn truly cared about the people he worked with, and only a few were truly special to him. 

Because Thrawn had definitely known from the moment they had first met that Eli was special, even though neither of them could possibly have known what that would entail. Could anyone ever truly know when they had met their soulmate?

“Thr-”

“Don’t say anything,” Thrawn whispered, his voice coming closer, and through the little remaining fog in Eli’s head, Thrawn finally came into full focus. Eli had to take in a deep breath not to be overwhelmed with emotion - he was still exhausted, even though he was certain he had been unconscious for longer than he should have. “Save your strength.”

It took Eli a little while to realize that Thrawn was speaking in Sy Bisti now, not in Basic, and it felt comfortable and familiar. During their time together in the Imperial Navy, Sy Bisti had often been their secret language, used to discuss whatever anybody else was not supposed to hear. It was not a language that the Empire invested in teaching its soldiers. 

Eli looked at their joined hands and put the last bit of strength he had into pulling on the Chiss’ firm hand, hoping he would get the message that Eli couldn’t quite get past his lips at the moment. With a faint but gorgeous smile, Thrawn tentatively pushed Eli to the side and took the empty space beside him - Eli realized he was not in a single bed, because there was still plenty of space for them to share. Thrawn brushed Eli’s cheek, then ran it through his hair, and Eli closed his eyes in bliss.

He had missed this so much. Words couldn’t possibly describe the emptiness that had resided in his heart during their separation, and he had filled it with work, work, more work, running the numbers, preparing for a war that wasn’t technically his, surrounded by aliens every single day until Eli was almost convinced he had turned into one himself. He had laid in his bed all by himself night after night, forcing the memories of a fuller, warmer bed, down, not having the luxury to dwell on the past. 

Yet there had always been a huge part of him that had hoped one day Thrawn would contact him, them, didn’t matter if it was some new Chiss recruit or even Admiral Ar’alani - Eli’d had no idea if Thrawn was even still alive and a simple, brief message from the Chiss would have been enough to allow Eli to carry on for another few months, at the very least. 

But that moment hadn’t come. Until Ahsoka had reached through the Force and it had somehow brought her and Sabine right to his doorstep, and it confirmed the idea that the Force always knew best. 

It was probably the Force now too that was pulling Thrawn closer until Eli could rest his head on the Chiss’ chest. 

“Sleep,” Thrawn whispered, his hand resting on the top of Eli’s head, and despite the fact that his entire body still hurt, Eli wanted nothing more than to have them stay in this moment for all eternity. “You will feel better.”

“Thrawn…”

The Chiss pressed a kiss into Eli’s hair. “I will stay right here, Eli. Just sleep.”

And Eli felt himself slip into a peaceful sleep, hopefully filled with many beautiful dreams composed of his fondest memories, but before he fully slipped away, Thrawn whispered one last thing. Eli realized Sy Bisti was far from a romantic language, considering it was a trade language above all else, it didn’t have a lot of words that were even closely related to love, but Thrawn still found words that came pretty darn close.

“I have you now, my sweet. I will never let you go again.”

~...~

Ahsoka had been incredibly curious as to what had happened in all those years since the  _ Chimaera _ and its crew had last been seen, but unfortunately, neither Ezra nor any of the others were quite willing to discuss that. Ezra had explained that Thrawn and him had spent many cold evenings discussing what to do next, where they stood and what they would do if they were ever found.

Ezra had let it slip, probably without noticing, that he had hoped Sabine would find him eventually, and Ahsoka knew exactly why that was the case. She wouldn’t say it if he didn’t, though - that was for those two to figure out.

Ahsoka had met most of the crew eventually, and was quite surprised to find them to be the exact opposite of what she had pictured Imperial officers to be like. Then again, they had basically been stranded in the wilderness for years and had probably realized that holding on to the stupid, rigid rules of the Empire wouldn’t do them any good out here. 

She was most impressed by Commodore Karyn Faro, who was a tough, yet compassionate woman, probably only a little younger than Ahsoka herself. After a little investigation, she had found out that Faro was the one who was in charge after Thrawn, and despite the mostly casual setting they found themselves in, the woman still carried herself with all the right air of authority, without being too controlling. 

Faro wasn’t surprised either when Thrawn had basically chained himself to Eli Vanto’s bed, even though everybody knew that it wouldn’t technically speed up the human’s healing process. 

“Those two, well…” Faro started, as she sipped her cup of self-made tea, “there had been rumors, of course, and their behavior had often struck me as odd. Then again, they had known each other for a while when I had first met either of them, and it was logical for them to have a strong connection, considering they had spent so many years in close quarters together.” Faro paused, looking at her cup, then smiled. “In hindsight, I should have known. Nobody would willingly sign up to share a room with the Grand Admiral if they didn’t have to.”

Ahsoka had smiled at that, and had taken a cautious sip of the tea. She didn’t know what to expect from the beverage, but she was nevertheless pleasantly surprised. She knew they didn’t have a caf machine lying around here, and also knew they had to live off of the natural resources they could find here. Then again, despite her own hatred towards the Empire, she was certain that its recruits would be well equipped to handle a wilderness such as this.

“I have to ask, Karyn,” Ashoka said, hesitating only briefly, but Faro’s understanding expression made her continue. “How come nobody found you? It only took Eli Vanto a few minutes to track where you might have been going, and the  _ Chimaera _ isn’t exactly hidden.”

Faro nodded. “You’re right, of course. At first, I expected that we would be found quite quickly, so we had hardly settled in. But as the days progressed, it became increasingly obvious that the Empire probably wasn’t looking for us.”

“The Empire fell.”

“I know. Sometimes, we could manage to pick up some Holonet broadcasts. Broke my heart, to be honest with you. I would have given my life for the Empire… quite frankly, I did,” she said, waving around her. “But the longer we spent here, the more I could put things into perspective. The Empire had fallen, but this planet was still spinning. The galaxy hadn’t collapsed, and we were still alive. And anyway, even when the Empire had still been operating, nobody had bothered to look for us.”

Faro paused, and took another sip of her tea. 

“Honestly.... I think most of the other high-ranking officers were happy to see the Grand Admiral disappear. The only people who were truly loyal towards the Admiral… well, most of them are here. The others are still at the  _ Chimaera _ .” A sadness washed over the Commodore’s face, and she didn’t try to hide it this time. “I was the commanding officer of the  _ Chimaera _ when she went down. Those people that died there were my people, my responsibility. I failed them.”

“There was nothing you could have done for them,” Ahsoka said, reaching out briefly with the Force to calm down the Commodore. 

“Wasn’t there? We shouldn’t have even been at Lothal in the first place. We were meddling in Governor Pryce’s affairs, and the Grand Admiral was too damn proud to-” She paused, then shook her head, as if she realized she had thought something unspeakable or otherwise untrue. 

“There is a way to redeem yourself,” Ahsoka offered, knowing she was once again taking a huge risk but also aware that she could at least try. 

“I doubt that.”

“Commodore Faro, we are always in need of good people to join the fray.”

Faro tilted her head sideways with a frown. “Who’s we?”

“The Rebellion.”

The Commodore scoffed and rolled her eyes, focusing again on her tea. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like an eternity, and Ahsoka was pretty certain she knew where this conversation was going to. She saw Faro look over her shoulder at the mostly abandoned house that Commander Vanto had been placed in to monitor him, and looked at the building for a little while more, before sighing and looking at Ahsoka.

“I don’t think everyone will want to join,” Faro said, and it was the complete opposite of what Ahsoka knew had been going through the woman’s head. Faro’s thoughts were no doubt with her commanding officer, and the man she had once called one of ‘hers’.

“That’s alright,” Ahsoka reassured. “Nobody will force any of you to join. But, like you said yourself… I doubt the Empire is interested in your help anymore, and the Rebellion will welcome you with open arms.” Well, mostly open arms. The Grand Admiral would perhaps not be so welcome. 

“Right.”

But Ahsoka could tell that Faro had been properly convinced. Ahsoka realized that this mission Sabine and her had set out on was double as successful as she could only have dared to hope at first - not only had they found Ezra Bridger, after the young man had been lost to them for several years, but they had most likely enlisted some extra people to their cause, and they could always use extra hands. 

And these people were military trained - those were especially hard to come by. 

Ahsoka was about to shake hands with the Commodore to seal their silent deal when she felt rather than heard a commotion coming from close by - and not long after, Grand Admiral Thrawn rushed out of the building he had occupied with Vanto-

Ahsoka was on her feet before he even said anything - aside from the moment where Sabine had shot Eli, the Togruta had never seen Thrawn in this state before. 

Correction: she had never seen  _ anyone _ in this state before. 

~...~

Eli awoke again a little later, his chest still seemingly aflame and his head somehow throbbing, but for some reason, the thing that stood out most to him was the pair of strong arms that was holding him, gingerly, lovingly, like only one person could. 

He took in a deep breath to register the Chiss’ pleasant smell, but only ended up coughing because his chest wouldn’t allow his lungs to properly fill. The arms let go of him a little, but he wouldn’t have it. Still, Eli could tell Thrawn was checking up on him. 

“How are you feeling, Eli?” Thrawn asked, his voice calm like Eli was used to, but there seemed to be an undertone of fear that was difficult to pick up. 

Eli wanted to say the first thing that came to mind, ‘I am now’, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to lie. Sure, he felt wonderful and safe knowing that Thrawn was with him and that the Chiss took care of him, but if anything, he felt slightly worse than the last time he had been conscious. Perhaps he needed to eat a little more, but he was not quite hungry at the moment. 

Thrawn felt Eli’s forehead with the back of his hand, something that would not tell Thrawn anything if performed on a fellow Chiss, but after Eli had caught a stomach bug once during their acquaintance, he had quickly studied up on how to take care of a human. Eli had found that thought rather adorable. 

Eli managed to open his eyes but his vision was blurry, so he closed them again. 

“You’re burning up, Eli,” Thrawn whispered. “Eli?”

Alright, so he did  _ not _ feel alright, but he didn’t want to worry Thrawn unnecessarily now that they had been reunited. Eli vaguely noticed himself pushing Thrawn away, and he only knew why when he felt himself throwing up, not even having noticed his nausea until he was emptying his stomach of whatever had been left in it. He felt Thrawn push his damp hair away from his face. 

Thrawn was saying something but Eli couldn’t hear it anymore. Eli had managed to open his eyes and look at the Chiss, but considering the man was still mostly a blur, it didn’t tell Eli anything.

He was pushed back against the bed and Eli felt a temporary relief when his head hit the pillow, but it didn’t improve his well being enough to calm down the Chiss, who was, despite being a blur, getting increasingly panicked. 

Thrawn held on to Eli’s hand while saying words Eli couldn’t quite make out, and only later realized was Cheunh, but all Eli could focus on was Thrawn’s face, suddenly as clear as the day Eli had met him.

He loved this Chiss so much. He would give anything he possibly had to give to spend a lifetime with Thrawn, be by his side every waking moment, to wake up beside him and kiss him goodnight. 

He would marry Thrawn in a heartbeat, if that was something the Chiss did or believed in. He realized he wasn’t quite certain of that, despite spending years in their midst. Then again, he didn’t currently have the mental capacity to think that deeply about it, either. 

“I love you,” Eli whispered in Cheunh, a collection of words no Chiss had ever taught him, but had instead spent hours to find in whatever books about the language he could find. Judging by Thrawn’s response, Eli had correctly said the tricky words - Thrawn sobbed, Eli only noticing now that the Chiss was crying in the first place, and leaned his forehead against Eli’s. 

“I love you, too, Eli,” Thrawn whispered. His words took residence inside Eli’s heart, while his vision once again blurred and he lost consciousness. 

~...~

“He’s in sepsis,” Ahsoka said, knowing she didn’t really have the medical background to make such a diagnosis but the symptoms were clear as day. Eli’s chest had failed to heal from the blaster burn, and had instead become infected, and while all of them had assumed the commander was doing better because there were no signs pointing to the opposite, an infection had settled in the human’s wounds and messed him up from the inside. 

She didn’t know what to do. One look at Sabine and Ezra told her that they felt the same way. Eli Vanto needed a bacta tank, preferably yesterday, and trained medical professionals to treat him, but those luxuries were not at their disposal this far away from the wilderness. They could try to get him to the nearest planet which did have a medstation, but Ahsoka wasn’t sure that he would survive that. 

She had fled the room quite quickly because she couldn’t stand the sight of Thrawn - he had always carried himself formidably, straight back and even straighter face, but the sight of his lover like this had crumbled all of the walls and masks he had carefully pulled up around him. He was losing it, right when they might need his intellect the most. 

“What about the  _ Steadfast _ ?” Sabine offered. Ahsoka shook her head. 

“I think Yavin-4 is closer than the  _ Steadfast _ at this point.”

“Yavin-4 is still two days away, if we really step on it,” Sabine whispered, looking over Ahsoka’s shoulder at their patient. Ahsoka could tell Sabine’s lingering guilt over shooting Vanto had only increased as his condition had worsened. “I doubt he’ll make it.”

“At this point, it’s about his only hope,” Ezra argued, his arms crossed and his brows knitted together in concentration.

“I doubt your friends will treat him,” Commodore Faro offered a new problem, standing a little distance from the three friends but still well within earshot. “Quite frankly, I think they will shoot us all.”

“We’re not like that,” Ahsoka countered, looking briefly but firmly at Faro. “If people need our help, we’ll offer it, no matter which side someone’s on.” And technically, Eli Vanto wasn’t on anyone’s side, neither the New Republic’s nor the Empire’s, because he had spent the past few years safely away from all of the battles in the Unknown Regions. 

“I think she’s right about Thrawn, though,” Sabine whispered, quieter this time, so only Ahsoka and Ezra could hear. “We saw a different side to him here, but the Rebellion still hates his guts.”

“It’s not him we’re bringing in for treatment,” Ezra argued. 

“No, it’s just his human lover,” Sabine said drily, crossing her arms.

“The Rebellion is not about revenge,” Ahsoka said, with an air of finality to her voice. “Even if our people hate Thrawn, they are above such immature actions. We will bring in Eli Vanto and hope our med team can fix him.”

“Then what?” Sabine asked, raising an eyebrow. “We bring him back to Thrawn and allow the Imperials to gather their forces again? For all we know, having Vanto by his side is all the push Thrawn needs to start a fight against-”

She stopped talking abruptly, and Ahsoka frowned, before turning around and seeing Thrawn exit the room where Vanto was kept in, his demeanor slightly more like they were used to from him, but still rather upset. 

“I have not fought for the Empire in five years,” Thrawn said, his voice surprisingly steady. “Your friend Ezra Bridger has shown me that there are other ways to use our resources and intellect. I am aware that I made your lives a living… what’s the word?” He paused, perhaps hoping that someone would finish his line of thought, but everybody looked silently at him. He waved his thought away. “No matter. I apologize, on behalf of the Empire, although I very much doubt I still have the right to speak on behalf of them. Additionally, I would be grateful if you would take in my crew. I am aware that there will be issues of trust between the two parties, but I can vouch for my people that they only did what was asked of them… by me, and the Emperor, or any other commanding officer that gave them orders.” He paused, and looked at Commodore Faro. He gave her a tiny nod, which she returned. “I have no doubt that my crew will be an excellent addition to your forces, if you will accept them.”

Then, he lowered his shoulders, and his composure faltered slightly, as if the official part of his monologue was done with, and he could continue to a more personal level. 

“And… I would be forever indebted to you if you would take care of Eli Vanto. He is a good man, and does not deserve to die like this.”

Ahsoka could feel the Chiss’ emotions right on the surface, and if she hadn’t already figured out that he loved the human commander, she would have figured it out now. She looked towards Faro, not knowing why that woman was the one that Ahsoka’s eyes landed on, but recognized it might be the Force guiding her, like it so often had. 

“Eli Vanto  _ is _ a good man,” Faro agreed. “He wouldn’t harm a fly.”

So it was decided. They would travel to Yavin-4 with these Imperials in tow, possibly ruining the mostly secret status the planet had, but Ahsoka had always hoped the Rebellion was better than the Empire in regards to compassion - the Empire showed none, and even the Old Republic had been brutal when they wished to be.

Compassion. It was something the galaxy had often lacked in the past two decades. 

She knew Hera Syndulla would wish for that, too, and so did Leia Organa. Ahsoka knew that if she needed to convince anyone, it was them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always picture Eli as that sweet little boy that was coerced into joining the Navy by his parents and would have rather taken up a restful, peaceful hobby instead. (Knitting or something, idk.) I mean, he's wicked smart, and the Empire and the CEDF were lucky to have him, for sure. I just think he's too pure for this world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Sabine is mostly going without consequence after shooting Eli, but you will find that her guilt for doing so weighs more heavily on her heart than any other punishment possibly could.

Ezra and Ahsoka had rushed off to get the Chiss shuttle that they had left behind upon touching down on this planet, using the Force to get them to their destination faster. The Chiss pilots were still there, surprisingly, and it almost seemed as if they were in the same position as they had been left in a few days ago.

The only indication that they had done something other than sit in the pilot seat were the several datapads by their sides, probably indicating that they had read stories or checked up on some news. 

Ahsoka had nearly felt a bout of panic course through her when she realized she didn’t speak the Chiss language, but Ezra surprised her by saying something she couldn’t translate and the two Chiss nodded in understanding. 

“When did you…? Never mind.”

Ezra shrugged but there was a small smile on his lips. “Thrawn and I lived mostly secluded from the others. He was fascinated in Lothal, and he taught me some Cheunh in return. Although, he did warn me I would never be able to pronounce it properly.”

They guided the two Chiss to the encampment, where the others were already waiting to get their cargo on board.    
It was decided that not everybody could fit in the shuttle, so just a handful of people would be coming on this journey, and the other, willing people would be picked up at a later time. Obviously, the two Chiss were non-negotiable, as was Ezra, considering he had been the one that the little search party had been looking for in the first place. Eli Vanto would be carried on board, too, on a makeshift stretcher with some of the medical supplies the crewers still had at their disposal. That left only three places on board of the shuttle, considering the stretcher took up more space than a regular passenger would have. 

Commodore Faro was quickly voted to go along, too, to talk on behalf of the  _ Chimaera _ ’s crew and broker a peace deal between them and the Rebellion. 

Sabine had additionally voted to bring Ahsoka and Thrawn on board, her guilt for what had happened allowing her to  _ need _ to make amends, even if that meant staying on this remote planet with people she didn’t really know for an undetermined amount of time. 

But Thrawn had refused. 

“If your friends learn that I am on board the shuttle, I cannot guarantee that they will not shoot it out of the sky.” He had paused, then sighed almost forlornly. “In any case, rhetorically speaking, if I were Captain Syndulla, I would definitely shoot the shuttle down.”

“Hera isn’t like that,” Sabine had countered, but she had felt in his voice that he wouldn’t be swayed. 

“I killed Kanan Jarrus,” he had countered, rather matter-of-factly. The words had felt like a knife stabbed into Sabine’s chest. “Captain Syndulla has every right to do with me whatever she wants. What is that saying in Basic? Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth?”

Sabine had shaken her head. “Again, Hera wouldn’t do that.”

“Maybe not.” He had paused and looked at her intensely. “I know you are trying to make me feel better, Sabine Wren, and I appreciate it. Only, I want the best for Lieutenant Commander Vanto, and I recognize this is the sacrifice I have to make. Knowing that he might live… is enough for me.”

She had frowned at him - in the few days she had spent with Eli Vanto so far, and the even fewer days she had spent with Thrawn, their relationship seemed anything but what Thrawn was making it out to be. Ever since Sabine had shot Vanto, the Chiss hadn’t left the man’s side once, and had refused most people to enter except for those with medical training. She had not expected him to let go of Vanto this easily, but then she realized… she probably would have done the same thing, if it was Kanan instead. Her love for the Jedi was not at all similar to the love Vanto and Thrawn shared, but she had still loved Kanan as a father, and she would probably have brought Kanan to safety, too, whatever it took. Even if it meant that there was a chance she would never see him again - the knowledge that he would survive would have been enough to keep her heart intact.

“I understand.” She would try her best to get these two men to reunite once again, if the human pulled through. Looking at Vanto on the stretcher now, unconscious, his skin white as a sheet despite his normally tan complexion, she seriously doubted that he would. 

When they had loaded Vanto into the shuttle, Thrawn had briefly walked alongside him, holding the human’s hand, his face pained yet determined. Most people turned away to give them privacy, but Sabine couldn’t seem to look away. If anything, the sight of the Chiss saying goodbye to his lover only sparked the fire within her heart and the determination to get them together again. 

_ “Ch'ah ch'acah vah, ch'eo ch'itiseb. Ch'ah csarcican't seo ch'acah vah. Veah ch'amn vah ch’pae, vah can seo tuscah ch'ah can your vur. Rsah csei vah csah stolen hah from ch'at moment nah can'a met, vim ch'ah csah nah en'can'si bah reclaiming hah.” _ (Weeks later, when Sabine had been too curious to brush off the memory, she had asked Ezra what the Admiral had been saying. The young Jedi had hesitated, before giving a paraphrased translation; Eli Vanto had stolen Thrawn’s heart, and he could keep it forever.)

She saw the Chiss kiss the top of Vanto’s sweaty hand, then leaned closer to kiss the man’s cheek, and eventually his lips. Thrawn whispered some things that Sabine knew she wouldn’t be able to understand, even if they weren’t whispered so softly, and then saw him straighten his back and walk down the shuttle’s ramp. 

Ahsoka placed a hand on his shoulder and her face was the definition of compassion and understanding. “We’ll take care of him.”

“Thank you, Ahsoka Tano.” Thrawn paused, then looked briefly at the others before cracking a small smile - quite uncharacteristic for the Chiss. “May the Force be with you all.”

As the shuttle lifted from the deserted planet, Sabine looked out of the viewport that allowed her to watch Thrawn. 

When she had set out on this journey to find her friend Ezra Bridger, she had hated Grand Admiral Thrawn with her guts, for good reason, considering he had killed her father and basically ruined all of their lives in the process. She had vowed to kill him on sight if she ever saw him again. She couldn’t have known that she would be feeling sympathy for the Grand Admiral, and even see him as the almost humane being that he apparently was these days.

He might have once been one of the Empire’s best officers, cunning and ruthless and wicked smart, love had found its way into even his life, until it had reduced him to just a man. Still as smart and cunning as before, no doubt, but with compassion and empathy that only love could bring out in a person.

Sabine knew all about it. She had left the Empire as just a shell of a person, but the Spectres had found her and had accepted her into their family, showering her with love and understanding until most of the anger had been replaced with compassion and empathy, too.

Apparently, in the grand scheme of things, Sabine Wren and Grand Admiral Thrawn were not so different after all. 

~...~

Hera had been distracted for days now, practically since the moment she had watched Sabine and Ahsoka leave in the latter’s shuttle, setting out to find their friend who was so dearly missed. General Organa had noticed this, too, because nothing ever escaped the woman’s notice. 

“They will be alright, Hera,” the woman had told her on the second evening after their departure. Hera could have sworn she had felt something invisible reassure her, and it felt somewhat familiar, reminding her of all the times Kanan had done this as well. “I can feel it.”   
“The Force has been wrong before,” Hera argued, but she wanted so desperately to believe her friend. She hadn’t wanted to allow Sabine to go on this wild Bantha chase around the galaxy, even if it was with the support of their Jedi friend Ahsoka. Not only was Sabine precious to Hera, not wanting to lose her, in the grand scheme of things, she also knew the Rebellion couldn’t quite miss the two of them, either - Sabine, being the skilled warrior and tactician she was; and Ahsoka, one of the only Jedi they had at their disposal, despite the woman’s continuous refusal to be addressed as such. 

“Yes, it has,” Leia said, something dark flashing over her face before she recovered her composure. “This is nothing of the sort, however. Luke can feel it, too. It will be alright.”

It comforted Hera to know that her Jedi friends cared so much about this issue, despite the hundreds, no,  _ thousands _ of other people in the Rebellion that they could be fretting over.

She had tucked Jacen into bed one night, the boy properly exhausted after a rather intense Jedi training from Commander Skywalker. She knew Jacen admired Luke, and she couldn’t blame the boy, as the man was something of a legend within the Rebellion. Hera fleetingly thought of what could have been if Kanan was still alive - would he have trained their boy the same way Luke did? Kanan had had more experience than Luke did, considering he had spent his entire life in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant before Order 66, but the former was undeniably strong in the Force. Luke had been trained by Master Yoda, a Jedi that Kanan had only dreamed of being trained by, despite their frequent meetings at the Temple back in the old days. 

She sighed and kissed Jacen’s forehead. It wouldn’t do any of them any good for her to dwell in the past, or linger on what could have been. Sure, she would have loved to share this with Kanan, raise their son together, perhaps have some more kids, if the Force would have allowed them to. She would have loved to grow old with him, spend the rest of her days by his side, but she wasn’t stupid - she knew she couldn’t have that anymore. 

She wished Jacen was spared all of this when he was older. He had been born into a world in ruins, and it was up to his mother and the rest of the Rebellion to reshape it into what it was supposed to be, what it could be. She hoped that he could continue to live in peace, despite his Force abilities, find a sweetheart of his own and live a long, satisfying life. 

She supposed, every mother wished just that for her children. She knew Leia shared those feelings, a new mother herself nowadays - Leia would wish nothing but the best for her newborn son, Ben.

Jacen was already asleep, blissfully unaware of the turmoil in his mother’s head and heart. He had only occasionally asked where ‘Bina’ was, despite having seen her leave, unable to fathom where she had gone to. Hera would give anything to sleep so peacefully as her dear son. 

She looked up through the skylight - admittedly, Jacen had the best room in their little home - and looked at the countless stars that were visible in the night sky. Somewhere out there was the rest of her family - Zeb, having settled for a peaceful life on Lira San with Kallus; Sabine, trying her hardest to bring Ezra back; and of course, Ezra, who had been missing from their lives for years and whose return was long overdue. 

Hera briefly wondered if perhaps Kanan was out there, too, his body perished but his spirit having joined up with a distant star, but before she could scold herself for such stupid thoughts, she heard the insistent beeping of one C1-series droid coming from the hallway. She kissed Jacen’s forehead one last time, before tucking him in and quietly closing the door behind her.

Then, she looked angrily at the droid. 

“What is it, Chop?” she asked, annoyed and angry, but knowing she couldn’t stay mad at her pet droid for long. He chirped at her, and Hera frowned, uncrossing her arms. 

“Are you sure your readings are correct?” she asked him. He beeped at her, exasperatedly, as if he couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t trust his data. She walked past him into the small room she had turned into a home office, bringing one of the computers back from its standby-mode, and typed in the values Chopper had given her. 

“And you’re sure it’s a  _ Chiss _ shuttle?”

He seemed to be frustrated that she didn’t believe him, waving his little arms at her, before leaving the room and audibly rolling down the ramp she had had installed on the stairs for him. 

She looked out of one of the windows. She knew she couldn’t quite see the spaceport from here, but she still tried - and was disappointed when in fact, she couldn’t see the spaceport from here. 

But there was only one explanation for a Chiss shuttle to be requesting to land on Yavin-4. There weren’t a lot of people who knew about the Chiss, but Hera had done her research in a flurry of rage after what happened on Lothal, before realizing that Thrawn didn’t deserve her anger nor revenge.

Yet it had enabled her to learn a little more about him. And that he was a Chiss rather frightened her of the prospect of this shuttle landing.

~...~

Vanto’s condition had worsened only a few hours into the flight to Yavin-4, and Sabine had flat-out panicked, which was ironic considering she was the one who had put him in this position. 

“Isn’t there anything you can do?” she had snapped at the two Jedi in their midst, but Ahsoka had merely shook her head - she had done all that she could after the human had been shot, and knew that was beyond her abilities as a Jedi. She hadn’t even known she could use the Force to heal someone, but she was well aware that even the Force couldn’t help against sepsis. Ezra had just sat in one of the shuttle’s seats and meditated, as if that would bring him an answer. 

“I promised Thrawn, Ahsoka,” Sabine said, her voice quiet and almost sad. Ahsoka was rather surprised by the young girl’s view on this - just a week ago, she had silently vowed to kill Thrawn and anyone who stood in her way; a week later, she was making promises to Thrawn to save his human lover, despite the losses the Chiss had made them suffer through. 

“I know, Sabine. We told him the truth - that there was a possibility that we wouldn’t be able to get him back from this. He knew the risks.”

There was no response from the young woman, but Ahsoka could feel through the Force that the woman was brooding, not happy with the situation at all and trying her hardest to find another solution. 

That was, until Ezra stood, abruptly having ended his meditation and walking the few steps to the stretcher, where the unconscious human was slowly dying, his deteriorating vitals on display on the basic datapad. Ezra put his hand on the other human’s shoulder, closed his eyes and was silent again. 

Ahsoka frowned. She looked at Sabine, and Faro, but could gather no answer from them. As she returned her gaze to the two men, she suddenly saw Vanto’s heartbeat steadying and his other vitals leveling out - still not within normal standards, at least for humans, but not in dangerous ranges.

Ezra opened his eyes and looked at them. “I put him in a trance.”

“How did you know to do that?” Ahsoka asked. She was genuinely curious - despite her resignation from the Jedi several decades ago, she was well aware that the discovery of a likewise healing trance could greatly help their allies. 

“I didn’t.” When nobody asked for clarification, Ezra continued. “Kanan showed me.”

The shuttle got awfully quiet, the only sounds those of hyperspace outside of the shuttle, and the heart rate monitor hooked up to Vanto. Ahsoka felt a sense of sadness wash over those who had known Kanan, and could feel the emotion fill up her own heart, too. 

“Kanan showed you?” Sabine asked, her voice unsteady. “What do you mean?”

“I meditated, focusing on this topic. Eventually, Kanan showed up to help me. I mean, he wasn’t really  _ there _ there, it was just a feeling, but I know it was him.” He looked at the incapacitated human on the stretcher. “Anyway, Vanto’s stable, for now. When we reach Yavin-4, I will get him out of the trance.”

Ahsoka was dumbfounded but knew not to question the Force - it worked in mysterious ways, after all, and she had seen it do countless miraculous things throughout her life as a Jedi. The most important thing was that they had a better shot at saving Eli Vanto like this.

She couldn’t help herself from brushing the human’s hair out of his face in a moment of affection.

They owed a lot to Eli Vanto. He had helped them bring back Ezra Bridger, but he had also possibly helped them close the gap between the Rebellion and the Empire, in a way nobody would have dared to dream. 

If all went well, the Rebellion would not only have many more soldiers to fill their ranks, they would also have precious information about the Empire that could help to finally beat it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I used an online translator for the Cheunh part, and of course, grain of salt and all that - this is what I put into it: "I love you, my sweet. I will always love you. Wherever you go, you may always carry me in your heart. Know that you have owned it from the moment we first met, and I have no intention of reclaiming it."  
> Also, I don't know if Jedi trances are a thing in Canon, but I read all of the Thrawn books including the Legends ones, and Luke does it quite often in those. (He even gets one over on Thrawn while in a trance, causing the Chiss to basically execute one of his men, but you should really read the books yourself if you're interested in that...) Therefore, I'm sticking to that a little more - and also, if you didn't notice, I used the Legends versions of Leia and Luke to refer to them. (Unpopular opinion: I'm not such a big fan of the OT, but the way Timothy Zahn writes these familiar characters makes me excited about them again, even if that's all Legends now.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is the chapter (or part of it, anyway) that some of y'all have been waiting for! Enjoy!

The as of yet unknown and unidentified Chiss shuttle’s crew was trying to get into contact with Yavin-4’s main spaceport, but nobody spoke their language, and even Threepio, who had been fetched to assist with the translation, came up empty.

“I’ll have you know, General Syndulla, that I am fluent in over six million forms of communication-”

“Just not the one we’re looking for. Thanks, Threepio,” Hera said, frustrated. Just as she was about to employ Phoenix Squadron to intercept the shuttle, a familiar voice came on the comms, and Hera’s heart filled with hope and love quite unexpectedly, almost making her feel lightheaded. 

“Hera! It’s us! We need to land as soon as possible!” Ezra said, not quite screaming but conveying the same message nevertheless. The hope that Hera had been feeling was doused pretty quickly, even if she was happy to hear Ezra’s voice after all these years. “We have a medical emergency on board and need medical attention.”

Hera responded with her confirmation, and got the necessary forces into action. It was late at night, so there weren’t a lot of people around at the control station. Normally, this would have been a blessing, seeing as Hera liked the quiet in the big room, but she wished all of those infuriating people were here now so they could help with this emergency. 

A medical emergency, Ezra had called it. Was one of them hurt? Sabine perhaps, or even Ahsoka? And why had they come in a Chiss shuttle, while the Chiss were rumored to always stay away from the galaxy as the Rebellion knew it? 

She was awaiting the shuttle in the main bay, waiting anxiously as the ramp lowered and quickly counting heads of the people she could see. 

Ezra, check. Sabine, check. Ahsoka, check. There was another female human that Hera didn’t know, and she could see two blue figures at the control panels in the cockpit. All of these beings seemed to be uninjured, so why had they claimed a medical emergency? 

But she knew only a split second after the question had crossed her mind - a simple stretcher, not powered by repulsorlifts but rather carried by the four that weren’t in the cockpit, was carried out and rushed into the base. 

“What’s going on?” Hera asked, and her eyes landed on the unconscious human on the stretcher, skin pale and sweaty, and his vitals all over the place. 

“There’s no time,” Ahsoka said in greeting, her gaze not leaving the human. “He’s in sepsis, Ezra has managed to keep him stable through a hibernation trance but he slipped out of it on his own right before we entered the system.”

For the moment, Hera didn’t need to know more. Her maternal instincts kicked in immediately, her drive to help people no matter the circumstances, and she was instructing the med team that was on standby to their next course of action. There were a couple of nurse droids in attendance, too, and the entire med team took over the stretcher and rushed towards the medbay. 

Then, everything was quiet. All five of them looked in the direction where the human had disappeared, and nobody said anything for a while.

That was, until Sabine rushed towards Hera and crashed into her arms. Hera was still in maternal mode, wrapping her arms tightly around her adopted daughter and consoling her in whatever way she could.

What had happened? Who was that human? And why did all of them seem so distraught by his condition? 

Ezra joined Sabine eventually, wrapping his arms tightly around the two of them, but unlike Sabine, he didn’t cry - he simply sighed in relief, as the adrenaline left his body and he realized at once where they were. 

“It’s good to see you,” Ezra whispered, and Hera almost forgot the chaotic situation that had occurred just moments ago. She pulled away slightly from the two in her arms and brushed Ezra’s cheek. “I’m sorry we put you in this spot.”

Hera shook her head. She would even have accepted the presence of a thousand Imperial Star Destroyers if it had meant that Ezra Bridger was still safely in her arms, and not, as many of them had believed, drifting in space, dead. 

“This is Commodore Karyn Faro,” Ahsoka said, waving in the general direction of the unidentified human female. The Commodore waved an almost awkward greeting in Hera’s direction. 

“Why don’t you all come in and have some tea, and you can tell me all about what happened,” Hera said, pulling her adopted kids towards her chest again and sighing in relief. 

This must have been one hell of a story, and she couldn’t wait to find out more about it. At the end of the day, though, the most important thing was that she had most of her family back again. Even Ezra, whom everybody had presumed dead.

Despite the uncomfortable feeling in her lower stomach at the memory of the incapacitated human on the stretcher, she hadn’t felt quite this happy in a while. 

~...~

Sabine was incredibly relieved that they had reached Yavin-4 and that Eli Vanto’s heart was still beating, and the moment that the human had been placed into more capable hands than two rather inexperienced Jedi and a Mandalorian with zero medical expertise, she had felt relief wash over her. 

And when she had looked over her shoulder and had spotted Hera Syndulla, the floodgates had opened completely, letting out all of the fear, anger, and shame that she had been holding in for days. Even as Hera had guided them all to the nearest breakroom to provide them all with caf or tea, Sabine couldn’t quite pry herself from the woman’s presence, and suddenly realized what it was that Jacen must feel whenever he felt frightened in any way and stuck close to his mother. 

Sabine had certainly never felt this way about her biological mother, despite loving the woman, they hadn’t been that close. Hera, however, was a completely different story. 

“So, tell me. I want to know all the details.”

Eventually, Ahsoka was the one who started telling the entire story, from the start, talking about how the Force had brought them to the  _ Steadfast _ and, consequently, Eli Vanto, and how he had agreed to look for Ezra. Ahsoka left out Thrawn for as long as possible, but she couldn’t turn around the fact any longer when she reached the tragic incident that had led them to this situation in the first place.

“I wanted to shoot  _ him _ , Hera,” Sabine explained, trying to defend her actions, despite knowing, no, hoping that Hera would understand. Surely, the woman must understand, right? Thrawn had killed her lover, and Hera had occasionally let it be known that she wouldn’t be opposed to killing Thrawn in return. “He killed Kanan. I thought it was only fair.”

“I understand,” Hera told Sabine, brushing the young woman’s cheek briefly. “It is not what Kanan would have wanted, though.”

“In any case, Sabine regrets what happened and tried to make amends,” Ezra added for explanation, and Hera frowned and looked first at the young man, then back at Sabine. 

“What do you mean?”

The three of them were silent for a while, and it took another prompting from Hera for them to finally reveal what was stuck in their throats.

“Eli Vanto and Thrawn are, well…” Ahsoka started, but she didn’t need to finish the sentence. Hera knew enough. Still, Sabine finished the sentence. 

“Lovers. They are lovers. And I shot Vanto, thinking it was the ultimate way to get back at Thrawn… but I realized, I was wrong. I mean, yes, it was the ultimate payback, but it just… doesn’t… feel right. So I made a promise to Thrawn to look after Vanto, because he knew you would probably shoot the shuttle out of the sky if you knew Thrawn was on board.”

Once upon a time, that had been true. Right after Kanan had died, and Hera had spent many sleepless nights staring at the stars in the sky, or at her growing belly beneath her hands, she had wished to kill Thrawn, or Pryce, preferably both, with her bare hands. But she had known it wouldn’t bring back Kanan, it wouldn’t change anything. And she was a Rebel - they were better than that. She was trying to raise her son better than that, to accept more compassion and be altogether kind towards everybody, despite their backgrounds or affiliations. 

“I wouldn’t have, but I can imagine some others would.” Hera nodded and looked at her tea, letting the information sink in before continuing with the conversation.

But she couldn’t quite continue just yet. She realized that she had been robbed of her lover, of her partner and best friend, and no matter what awful things he had done to her, she could never put Thrawn through that, too. 

She didn’t wish the loss of the most important person in your life upon even her worst enemy. 

She grabbed her comlink and keyed the frequency of the medbay. 

“This is General Syndulla, calling for medbay 1.”

“This is medbay 1, General.”

Hera looked at the people surrounding her; her kids, her friend Ahsoka, and this Commodore she didn’t know yet but had no doubt was important if the others had allowed her to come with them - and made up her mind.

“I want you to do whatever you can to make sure Eli Vanto survives.”

She had lost her own lover to Thrawn, even if it was indirectly. It seemed almost ironic, or else a cruel joke from the Force, that she would fight to save the lover of her enemy. 

“Affirmative, General Syndulla.”

She lifted her tea and took a sip. 

~...~

It was still late at night, and most of the base’s personnel was still sound asleep. Sabine thought, under the current circumstances, that that was probably for the better.

She had hovered around the medbay for seemingly hours, Hera sometimes joining her to wrap an arm around her shoulders, or giving her a steaming cup of tea, but she was mostly left alone.

The others had gathered with Commodore Faro to discuss possible plans for her and her crew, but Sabine’s mind was honestly too scattered to join in the talks. In any case, she knew Hera would negotiate the best possible deal and she trusted the older woman explicitly with that. 

_ He has to survive _ , she told herself over and over again.  _ He has to live _ . She didn’t know if she could live with herself if he died.

She had killed many men in her past, and even more recently, all under the guise of first the Empire, then the Rebellion, and all mostly justified in her brain. Her being a Mandalorian should have enabled her to kill without feeling anything about it, those were just the spoils of war, and if lives were lost, then it was for the greater cost.

But she had gotten to know Eli Vanto. He was a curious human being, mysterious on purpose, hiding his true personality behind the carefully constructed facade that he had garnered from years working with the Chiss. She had quickly learned, however, that he was kind and forgiving - he could have turned Sabine over to whatever higher authority upon learning that she had deserted the Empire, and he could have done something even worse when he had learned that Ahsoka was a Jedi. But he had elected not to do anything, and instead throw himself even further into this mission to bring back the people they had lost. Sabine had known that he didn’t do it for Ezra Bridger, but he hadn’t shown any anger towards the young man either, considering it was because of the young Jedi that Thrawn had gone missing in the first place. 

Eli was a good person. She had felt it the first time they had met, but she hadn’t wanted to accept it, her trust issues prohibiting her from seeing the true person before her. And everybody around her, including other Imperial officers who had been trained for brutality, vouched for the man’s kindness. 

He wouldn’t harm a fly. And yet, she had shot him, in an immature attempt to get revenge on Thrawn, who by now was mostly a changed man. 

She heard someone sit beside her and shook her head faintly, she wasn’t ready to speak with Hera just yet, but from the corner of her eyes, she saw the distinct blue hair that could only belong to one person. 

She took in a deep breath and looked to her side. 

“Hey,” Ezra said, almost sheepishly. 

“Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Not really.”

He nodded and they turned their heads forward again. They sat in this awkward, uncomfortable silence for a long time.

She had dreamed of being reunited with him, and that first moment where she had seen him, it had been even better than a dream. She probably would have revealed her feelings for him if it hadn’t been for the reality of the situation intruding.

But now, she knew that type of reunion was well out of reach. How could he return her feelings if he had seen her shoot an innocent man? And really, was that their true priority at the moment? They still had the Rebellion to fight for, and to find a new position for Ezra within the ranks, if he was interested.

“I understand why you did it,” Ezra said eventually, his voice soft, the awkwardness from before gone. “Force knows, I wanted to shoot him, too. I was stuck with the guy for years, but… I got to know him. He never really meant to get caught up in the Empire’s war. He only wanted to protect his people, but he is fully aware of the pain he’s caused throughout his service to the Empire. I know that doesn’t justify anything… it doesn’t change things. But… I grew to feel bad for him, in a way. He had sacrificed a lot for his own greater good, and one could argue whether it was really good or bad…” Ezra shrugged. “I don’t know. I think he can’t be underestimated, sure, but he is not quite the evil person he has made himself out to be.

“Thrawn and I were mostly secluded from the others, as you might know. We spent a lot of time discussing the forces that had brought us to that spot, but ended up agreeing that it was probably the Force that had guided us, like it so often had. We… we discussed personal things, too, believe it or not. Solitude can do a lot to a person.”

“What did you talk about?” Sabine asked, genuinely curious. Despite seeing Thrawn as the humane alien she had never pictured him as, she really couldn’t imagine talking about anything personal with  _ Thrawn _ . 

“Oh, you know…” Ezra shrugged, but didn’t meet her eyes. “Commander Vanto, among other things. He never named the man, but it was obvious to me that Vanto was a weakness Thrawn had always been scared of. At first, I thought it might have to do with the fact that a lot of the galaxy doesn’t approve of homosexuality, but I quickly learned it wasn’t about that at all. The Empire had used Vanto against Thrawn more than once, just using the human as a pawn in their games to control Thrawn. He couldn’t let that happen again, so he had given in to their forced, permanent separation.”    
Ezra shook his head, and looked at Sabine. “You can’t imagine how much it pained him. Thrawn is very good at closing himself off from the Force, but even I could sense the pain that he was in. So, really, I felt bad for him. He wasn’t the Grand Admiral anymore. Now, he was just a man in love.”

They continued their earlier silence again, looking at the medbay as if at any moment now, someone would come out and tell them more news, either good or bad. At one point, a nurse droid had in fact exited the room, landed its eyes on the two humans, and averted its eyes quickly as if it feared that they would batter it with questions otherwise. 

Sabine turned towards Ezra. She was about to ask him more about his monologue, about Thrawn, perhaps, when Ezra continued talking.

“It didn’t come that easy, however. Thrawn didn’t just open up to me, just like that. It took about a year, I would say, but it was difficult to keep track of time on that planet.” He paused and looked at her, returning her gaze as their eyes met. “The only reason he started talking about Vanto was because I started talking about you.”

Sabine was flabbergasted, shocked into silence. She had not expected the conversation to go into this direction, and while earlier, part of her would have leapt in happiness and joy, now she just felt conflicted.

“Me? Why me?”

“Why not you, Sabine? You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.” He huffed, a small smile pulling on his lips. “Thinking about you was one of the only ways for me to stay sane, back there.”

“Why?” Sabine asked, not knowing what else to say or ask. She couldn’t fathom what was going through Ezra’s mind at that moment, and wished now more than ever that she could read the Force like he could, so that he wasn’t such a darn mystery to her.

“Sabine, I know my first attempts at letting my feelings be known were clumsy and immature. Looking back at it now, I can’t believe you didn’t just kick me out right then and there, refused to talk to me. But over the years, I have grown to understand that perhaps those feelings are still there, but they’re not just a simple crush anymore. I have grown to get to know you, the real you, the amazing, kind, compassionate and kick-ass warrior that you are. I’m in awe by the fact that you even still want to look at me, let alone consider me your friend. And during my absence, I have come to realize this even more - I’m in love with you, Sabine Wren. And I’m privileged to be considered your friend, but I would be most honored to be considered more.”

And then, he simply looked at her, no doubt reading her feelings through the Force. She wished she could close herself off to that, but she had always been an easy book to read, even to people who weren’t strong in the Force. She wore her heart on her sleeve, as Hera had put it once, but that wasn’t something to feel ashamed about. 

She felt tears in her eyes but not out of happiness - perhaps him being able to read her this easily wasn’t shameful, but she had a lot that would effortlessly fall into that category. 

“I don’t deserve this, Ezra,” she whispered, looking down at her hands. “I shot Vanto. I’m not any better than Thrawn, or other imps.”

“I beg to differ. The fact that it upsets you in this way, shows me that you’re exactly the opposite of any imp that I have met. Hey, look at me.” He put his fingers underneath her chin so she would look him in the eye. “You’ve made mistakes, yes. But we all have, nobody is truly innocent. Force,  _ I _ ’ve done stupid things over the years. A lot of stupid things, to be honest. But we’re still worthy of happiness, Sabine. Worthy of love. If me stranding on that deserted planet has taught me anything, is that everybody deserves to be happy.” Even Thrawn, Sabine could hear between the lines.

Even her.

She wrapped her arms tightly around Ezra, burying her face in the crook of his neck and he was only too glad to be returning the movement. He placed countless kisses in her neck, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back. She felt so safe here, in his arms, and she realized that they hadn’t hugged that often in the past, because she would remember feeling this way.

Then again, she hadn’t known back then what he had truly meant to her, what her feelings for him were - that she loved him, but not like the brother she had first regarded him as. 

She pulled away and looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since finding him again after those long years. There was still that hint of youthfulness in his eyes, but the rest of him had matured into the young man that was sitting beside her - hair long, yet not as long as it had been when they had first met; cheekbones more defined, and together with his chin, sporting a small but pleasant beard. 

Despite the tears that were still coming, she had to crack a smile, and ran a finger down his jaw to his chin. 

“By the way, I see you learned to grow facial hair,” she joked, her voice heavy with tears, but it brought out a smile in Ezra, too. And then, before she could gather her senses, her lips were on his and her heart was leaping out of her chest, even more so when Ezra hand cupped her cheek and basically pulled her closer. 

Kriff. She had always claimed not to need this, that she could be a warrior and nothing else - but kissing Ezra like this, it made her realize that she could be both. Fierce warrior, and very much in love with Ezra Bridger. 

She was about to deepen the kiss when something off to their side got their attention. Sabine was satisfied to see that Ezra’s face was flushed, and a beautiful grin had spread across his lips. Her heart would fail any moment now, unable to handle the erratic movements it seemed to make in her chest.

Yet when she turned her head, she was immediately thrown back into reality and jumped up. One of the medical personnel was standing there, clipboard in hand, face set in seriousness. 

“Well?” Sabine asked eventually when the man didn’t talk.

“Commander Vanto is stable and recovering.”

Sabine let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding and turned to Ezra. He put a hand on her shoulder. She was relieved, and saw that very same emotion mirrored on his face. And suddenly, she felt more exhausted than she ever had before, the fear and worry for this person she hardly knew finally taking its toll on her. 

“Thank the Force,” she breathed, and allowed Ezra to pull her in for a hug. 

“Let’s get you some sleep,” he said, pulling her with him. She didn’t fight him - if anything, a good nice rest sounded like the best thing in the world. 

Now that she knew her promise to Grand Admiral Thrawn was safe and honored, she could focus on other things. But that all would come in the morning. Right now, she just needed to sleep, preferably for three days straight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, my favorite returning thing in anything SW is 3PO's recurring line about the six million forms of communication, it's the most ridiculous thing ever but it always makes me laugh.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of lil Jacen in this chapter! Don't ya love him! (I know he is what brought y'alls in with the first chapter, don't lie.)

Jacen had been ecstatic to find out that Bina had returned during the night, albeit slightly offended that his mother hadn’t woken him up for it. Hera knew better than that, and knew what her son was like. He would have been exhausted the entire day and impossible to handle that way. Especially considering he had another training session planned with Luke Skywalker, and she couldn’t possibly impose the terror on the man that was Jacen Syndulla if he hadn’t slept well. 

She had woken him up gently, and had helped him get dressed with the promise that he would be getting chocolate milk with his breakfast this morning, his favorite. She carried him down the stairs, aware that this was an increasingly impossible feat, and shuffled into the kitchen-

Only to be rendered practically deaf as Jacen’s eyes landed on the people sitting at the kitchen table smiling at them. 

“Bina! Soka!” He wiggled his way out of his mother’s arms and ran towards them, hugging each of them tightly before accepting Sabine pulling him into her lap. “I’m so happy you’re back!”

“I’m happy to be back, too,” Sabine said with a big smile, cuddling him a little closer as he settled against her chest. Hera smiled at the sight, and went to get her son the promised chocolate milk. 

Jacen was about to say something else when his eyes no doubt landed on the stranger in their midst. Everybody was as quiet as the boy was, looking at him in wonder. Hera paused her efforts to prepare breakfast to look at the scene, too. Ahsoka had stood to assist her, and she was watching as well.

“Are you Ezra?” Jacen asked the young man sitting across from him. Ezra smiled kindly at the boy and nodded.

“I am.”

“So Bina found you?”

“It appears she did, yes.”

“Okay.” Jacen needed a little more time to register this, and to get used to the new presence in the house, but Hera knew he learned fast. “I’m Jacen.”

“Nice to meet you, Jacen.”

And that was that. Jacen continued with his normal morning routine, blabbering about whatever occupied him that day to whoever was willing to listen, and eventually taking the seat beside Sabine when Hera presented all of them with their tasty breakfast. 

Hera could tell that something was bothering the little boy, however. She knew her son better than anyone in the galaxy, and she had learned to recognize all of his different facial expressions, good or bad. 

“Ezra?” Jacen asked, his voice serious despite his cheery mood just mere moments ago. It was as if a thought had struck him, and he needed to discuss it as soon as possible in fear of forgetting the topic. 

“Yes, Jacen?”

“Did you find my Daddy?”

And with just those simple words, the cheery mood that everybody had been in disappeared within an instant. Ahsoka looked at her bowl of oats; Sabine looked at Hera, and the latter woman was certain they had matching expressions; and Ezra merely looked at Jacen, taking the boy’s question seriously, as he should.

“No, Jacen. I’m sorry.”

“Did you try?”

Ezra paused at that. All of them were aware of Kanan’s death, and the fact that he was really that - dead. Hera knew Ezra had hoped the man would come to him in visions, as some other Jedi had before him, but she also knew that he had given up that hope pretty early on, when he had realized that Kanan had truly passed over to the other side, if there was such a thing, and that there was no way of getting him back. 

It had been a painful revelation, perhaps, especially for Ezra. He had just been scratching the surface of his Jedi abilities, but with the training that Kanan had subjected him to, Ezra had also grown to view his mentor as a father figure. He had learned through Kanan how to be a man, something Hera occasionally wished the boy had been able to learn through his biological father, but she was also aware that Kanan was not such a bad role model to have. 

Ezra had been separated from his parents at a young age, and had been forced to live on the streets all by himself. He hadn’t had a steady, positive influence since his parents’ disappearance, and Hera had been incredibly happy to realize that he had found that in Kanan - and a little bit in her. Sabine had in fact often regarded her as ‘space mom’, and the addition of Ezra to their team only gave her more opportunity to prove the young girl right. 

But Ezra was probably as aware as Hera was that Jacen deserved the truth. However, the little boy needed a lie at the moment, despite how much it hurt.

“I did. I looked all over for him, but I couldn’t find him. I’m sorry.”

Jacen looked at the young man, taking in these words, but shrugging. 

“Okay.”

And that was truly it. The remainder of the morning was spent enjoying each other’s company, despite the pain that all of them still felt.

At least they still had this. Nobody could take this away from them.

~...~

Eli Vanto had made a surprisingly steady recovery. He had been kept in an induced coma for a little over a day, but when the medical personnel had seen no reason to keep him that way anymore, had brought him out of it.

Hera had been present, at her own request. Somehow, she felt like the wellbeing of this human was her responsibility, seeing as Sabine was technically her responsibility, too. 

She had debated her stance on this since their arrival. She had made up her mind right then and there, after the others had explained who Eli Vanto was and why it was seemingly so important to keep him alive. But of course she’d had her doubts, as the reality allowed itself to sink in deeper in her mind. 

This was her enemy. He was affiliated with Grand Admiral Thrawn, the man who not only had ruined their lives, but also those of countless other beings in the Republic as an Imperial top-ranking official.

But when she had spent a little time with Jacen later that first day, she had realized the complete truth of the matter. Eli Vanto might be affiliated with Grand Admiral Thrawn, and killing him might be the fair thing to do, she knew that this man had done nothing wrong, and didn’t deserve to be used like that. Even if he just so happened to be Thrawn’s lover. 

If she simply pulled the plug, she was no better than any of the Imperial officers she had fought in the past. And she wanted to be better than that, wanted to be good - wanted, perhaps, for Kanan to be proud of her, if he was looking over her.

She sighed and stepped closer, seeing the human struggle against unconsciousness. His hair was unruly, and it briefly reminded her of Kanan’s hair, way longer than this human’s, but equally impossible to tame. She reached out and brushed a stubborn strand out of his face multiple times before giving up.

“Eli?” she called to him gently, not wanting to make him hurt unnecessarily as he was trying to get his bearings. He had been in a truly bad place, and had been more dead than alive when he had been brought in. It was a miracle that he was still alive, even the medical personnel had told her as such. “Are you awake, Eli?”

He didn’t open his eyes but moaned his response, although she had seen such a move pulled before when Jacen refused to get out of bed in the morning. 

Hera put a careful hand on his arm.

“You don’t have to speak, Eli,” she said, her voice still soft, she was good at that, at least. “I just want you to know that you’re safe. You were in sepsis and it was pretty bad, but you’re safe and stable now.”

He remained quiet for a while, and at one point she was certain that he had slipped back into unconsciousness - not a bad thing if it did happen, a nurse droid had assured him. His body still needed to get its strength back, so however it saw fit to do that was alright. 

Eli murmured something but Hera couldn’t quite make out what it was that he was saying. She moved closer, and apparently, he sensed that, as he tried to speak once again.

“Thrawn?”

Hera took in a deep breath as conflicting feelings tried to take hold of her heart.

On one hand, she envied him, the idea that his love was still out there and would no doubt be very happy to fold him into his arms once more.

But on the other hand, she was happy for him, for the same exact reason. 

She had meant it when she had told herself that she didn’t wish the loss of a loved one upon even her greatest enemy. And she felt like this was what she had been supposed to do, as if something had driven her to do it - a naive part of her heart hoped that it was Kanan, guiding her through the Force. 

“He’s not here, but he’s safe, too.”

Eli calmed down with those words, the frown between his brow mostly disappearing and his face relaxing. This time, Hera was certain that he had slipped into unconsciousness, and was glad about it, too.

She was happy she could act in compassion with regards to Thrawn and Eli Vanto. Again, she was well aware that the galaxy lacked that.

~…~

Everything was a blur for Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto.

He had no idea how long he had been unconscious for, but considering his back hurt, probably from a long period of inactivity, he guessed it had been a while. He opened his eyes, expecting his head to hurt but the room wasn’t that bright. 

He wasn’t familiar with his surroundings, but then, he had moved from base to base often in the past and had woken up in different rooms a lot. 

He heard something or somebody move close by and tried to strain his neck, but that was prevented by the pain that still resided in his chest.

“Good, you’re awake.”

He blinked and tried to get a glimpse of the being that had talked, but they weren’t yet in complete focus. 

“Don’t sit up, save your strength.” A kind hand rested on his arm, and finally the owner of the voice came into view. It was a Twi’lek woman, skin radiant green, her lekku covered in white lines. Her face was as kind as her hand was, with a pleasant smile on her lips. “You’re safe.”

“Where…?” he managed to get out. His chest still hurt, but not as much as it had before.

“You’re on Yavin-4. You’re with the Rebellion.”

Huh. Did this mean that they had been the ones saving his life? The last thing he remembered was being in Thrawn’s arms, everything in pain, even breathing hurt, and then blacking out, until he woke up here, right now.

And Eli recognized the irony in the situation, too. Hadn’t he fought against Rebels with the Empire? Hadn’t he basically made a vow to have as many of them destroyed as possible? 

“You were shot in the chest and developed an infection. We managed to cure it and save you.”

He looked at the woman, but her expression hadn’t fazed. She appeared calm and compassionate.

“I’m Hera Syndulla, Commander Vanto. We will get you back on your feet as soon as possible.”

“Thrawn?” Eli pressed out, needing to know. He had gone without the man for years, but suddenly, he was unable to be without him. Eli couldn’t quite explain it.

“The Grand Admiral is safe, too. He stayed behind on the planet where you found him.”

Eli remembered that, landing on the planet, crossing through the dense forests until they had reached the encampment of the former Imperials. He remembered being able to reunite his new travel companions with their lost friend, and then seeing Thrawn again, for the first time in many years. 

He took in a deep breath. At least he knew Thrawn was alive and safe. At least he had been able to see him again, before they would no doubt be kept apart for many more years, if not forever.

Kriff. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be separated from Thrawn again. His chest hurt again, but he knew it wasn’t because of his injuries.

Well, he had to go back to the  _ Steadfast _ , report back to Admiral Ar’alani, and be put on duty again. He wasn’t sure if he would be fit for duty immediately, but he guessed desk duty would have to suffice for the moment. It wasn’t like he was in the field often to begin with.

“I wanted to thank you personally, Commander Vanto. If it weren’t for you… well, thanks for bringing back my friend. We owe you a lot.” She brushed his cheek, and it felt incredibly odd - he didn’t know this woman, and she didn’t know him. Yet she was thankful, enough so to be thanking him in this manner.

Were all Rebels like this? Because if so, he was beginning to wonder why the Empire had started their brutal attacks on them. 

In any case, he hadn’t stood by the Empire for years. This did nothing to convince him to rejoin their cause. 

“Thank you. When you’re recovered, we don’t expect you to stay. We will drop you anywhere you’d like to be.” It was like the woman could feel that he had duties to perform, but also knew that he wanted to be anywhere but where he was supposed to be.

He wasn’t even sure where he wanted to be, to be honest. 

“Just rest now. I’ll check on you later.”

He nodded and watched her leave, before leaning back on the pillow and closing his eyes. 

Kriff. What should he do?

He had never expected to be faced with this decision - would he choose career, or love? He felt like one of those stupid idiots in a cheesy holodrama that he had watched in the past. He had always claimed that he wouldn't be that dramatic.

Well. He  _ had _ watched those holodramas with Thrawn, and it had made both of them laugh at the ridiculousness. 

He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.

~...~

Surprisingly, life had returned to a relative normalcy pretty quickly. 

Commodore Faro had sealed a deal between the Rebellion and her crewers, dedicating their service, or at least of those willing, to the Rebellion. In exchange for this, the Rebellion had dropped any and all charges that they might have on these people, and allow them to start with a blank slate. 

Mon Mothma had praised this turn of events, as everyone had realized, they could desperately use these new forces, no matter how few they were. 

Only a day after the talks with the Imperial officer, Mothma had authorized a crew freighter to travel to the deserted planet and pick up anyone who wanted to join. Of course, they would be subject to a little interrogation here and there to distinguish whether their intentions were pure, but they didn't expect any complications in that regard. 

It had taken a little bit of research to figure out what planet it had been that the Imperials had been on for all these years, but after a little bit, they had discovered it was Taivana, a small, arboreal planet not far into Wild Space. It had been registered on previous maps, but it had been discovered during the time where people would simply enter the atmosphere, have a quick look around and then name it, never to return again. It was not a very well-known planet, which explained how the Imperials had gone unnoticed for all those years. 

Hera had wanted to be more involved in the negotiations between the Commodore and the others, but she had been unable to spread her attention evenly between multiple parties - first and foremost, her son Jacen; then her two adopted kids who, for some darn reason, had decided now was the time to admit their feelings for each other, and whom she had accidentally caught while they were making out. Kanan would have given them the talk - Hera was simply happy that they were happy.

And on top of all that, she also felt a responsibility towards Lieutenant Eli Vanto, who was recovering but still in their care. The man had remained mostly silent since waking up, and Hera couldn’t quite blame him for that. Perhaps he still felt like he was in enemy territory, or perhaps he didn’t feel like talking about things. If Hera could believe Sabine and Ahsoka, he hadn’t been very much inclined to tell them about his reasons for wanting to get Thrawn back, and it had taken quite some time for him to open up about it. Really, though, she would accept his boundaries and wouldn't pry - saving someone, even if they could be considered an enemy, was enough for her. Take a bow and leave it at that.

But she couldn't. She had been horribly separated from her love, and she simply couldn't let someone else go through that same pain.

The Chiss pilots had been similarly quiet, but Hera knew that had more to do with a language barrier than anything else. Threepio had been frustrated with the inability to communicate with them, always claiming that 'they could have spoken any of my six million forms of communication, but decided not to'. After Eli had regained consciousness, he had been a translator for them, but it was apparent all three of them wanted to leave as soon as possible.

So now, Hera looked on as Eli Vanto struggled into the Chiss shuttle, only barely recovered, to return to their peers.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Hera asked him, keeping herself from aiding him. If he didn't ask for help, she was certain he didn't want it. "There's no shame in taking an extra day to recover."

"I thank you and your people for your care, General Syndulla, it was more than I deserved from you. You have been nothing but kind to me and my men, but I have a duty to return to."

"Is there nothing I can say that might change your mind?"

He shook his head, and turned around to continue boarding the shuttle.

He was not well, Hera could see it. He had not recovered enough, and yet he wouldn't allow Hera to take care of him more. She couldn't let him go like this… yet he wasn't leaving her a choice.

She put an arm underneath him and helped him inside. He looked at her briefly but didn’t protest as he reached one of the jump seats and let out a sigh of relief when he could finally sit down.

“Don’t forget to listen to your heart, commander,” Hera said, putting her hand on his shoulder, then turning away.

She knew he would not listen to her, but she hoped that he would find the right path for himself eventually. 

Hera would not have wanted to give up the Rebellion either if she had been made to choose between that and Kanan. But in the end, the choice had been made for her.

She hoped Eli Vanto wouldn’t be forced into such a decision in quite the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, perhaps Eli wouldn't be this dramatic, and I tried to write him as serious about the topic as possible. If you were Eli, what would you choose? Love, or duty?   
> (Also I want to share with you the outrageous purchase I have made with all these discounts leading up to Black Friday - I have bought a Kindle Oasis. And now I'm sure I will devour my reading list even quicker than otherwise, lol. I'm very proud of myself for reaching my annual reading goal (which I set in July) of 25 books, I don't think I've read that many throughout my entire life and now I've read 28 since aforementioned month. I know this has nothing to do with the story, but it's important to me that you know this.)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I am briefly going to discuss Chapter 13 of The Mandalorian in this Author's Note so if you haven't watched yet: just continue to the story!  
> So first off: wow, Rosario Dawson as Ashoka was INCREDIBLE. My god, it couldn't have been better than that, except for if they had let Ashley dub the voice but whatever. Also, Baby Yoda finally has a name and it's a stupid name imo but the way he responded when Mando said it made me so incredibly happy. And last but not least; THRAWN. THEY NAME DROPPED FUCKING THRAWN. I'VE BEEN SHAKING ALL DAY I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THAT HAPPENED. Even putting it into capital letters doesn't seem to accurately describe my feelings upon the mention of his name. I so very much hope that we get a spin-off show now, perhaps not necessarily live-action but at least something that will explain why Dave found it necessary to mention him, because he, much like Thrawn, doesn't do something without a reason. It may very well be that they will render this entire story useless, because if they do make a spin-off show, it will most likely be about Ahsoka and Sabine's search for Ezra (and Thrawn.) In any case, I gasped so hard I almost choked when he was mentioned because I hadn't been expecting it at all (despite a friend and I discussing the cloning tanks in the last chapter and saying 'well it's EU now but Thrawn was cloned so he could show up lol' knowing very well that was highly unlikely BUT GUESS WHAT). So satisfied with this latest episode. One of the best so far, imo, but I say that about every episode, lol.  
> Anyway, thanks for making it through this rant, if you're still reading, and enjoy this chapter! Seems only fitting that on this wonderful day of name dropping, we get a happy chapter. Just takes a little while to get there!

It took about two days for the shuttle to return to the  _ Steadfast _ , and that entire time, Eli was certain he had only said the absolute bare minimum to either of his Chiss compatriots. 

He had a lot of thinking to do. He had made the decision to go for his duty, but he had let his mind guide most of that decision making. He hadn’t let his heart join, because then he was already aware of what choice he would have made. 

He looked at the little sack of medication that the Rebels had left him, to aid with his recovery. He had felt he had been imposing on their kindness for too long already, and he did not deserve their care in the first place, so the moment he was able to stand on his feet relatively unaided, he had started packing his bag and instructing the Chiss pilots to the same. It had still taken too long for them to finally take off from Yavin-4, on course to the  _ Steadfast _ , and he had almost changed his mind, but then he had seen the two Chiss and he had made up his mind.

No. His heart could want whatever it wanted, but he knew what he was supposed to do. He ought to return to Admiral Ar’alani, tell her that the Grand Admiral had been found, alive, and leave it at that. Sure, the mission had mostly failed, but Admiral Ar’alani was quick to forgive when it came to her human crewmember. 

He popped a painkiller, mostly to numb the ever-present pain on his chest, but partly to numb simply everything.

The sight of the Chiss spaceship, only a few million lightyears away from where they had left it, felt a bit like coming home, despite the things he had given up to return there. Admiral Ar’alani was, unsurprisingly, already waiting for them in the docking bay, her arms clasped behind her back and her brows furrowed.

“Commander Vanto, welcome back,” the Chiss said briskly in Cheunh, and Vanto felt like he had to flip a switch to return to the language he had been surrounded by for too long.

He nodded at her, clutching his chest a little as he gathered both the bag with his belongings and the sack with the medication. “Admiral Ar’alani.”

“I trust the mission was a success.”

“I found the missing friend and returned all three to their home planet.”

Ar’alani nodded, and allowed Eli to keep walking towards his personal quarters. He was a bit lightheaded and really needed to lie down…

“What about Commander Mitth’raw’nuruodo?”

Eli paused for just a few seconds, but he knew it was long enough for the Chiss Admiral to notice - she was far from stupid. He clutched the bags a little tighter in his hand and turned around toward her. 

He knew any other officer would have been reprimanded for even thinking about walking away while the Admiral was talking to them, but again, Eli Vanto enjoyed some more privileges, and in any case, the Admiral had been updated on the human’s state by the Chiss pilots before they had docked. Perhaps she was aware that he needed to rest, too - not that he could do any resting in this state. 

“The Commander is alive.”

“I thought you would bring him here.”

“I recognize that was the plan, but circumstances dictated differently.”

“You mean, you got shot?” Ar’alani asked, a brow raised in part amusement, part confusion. In his turn, Eli nodded in mostly embarrassment. 

“Yes.”

“And was that part of the plan, Commander Vanto?”

“Not quite.”

She looked at him for a little longer, as if she was gauging what his current state of fitness was. He was in no way fit for a battle but as he had surmised before, he was lucky not to be included in any battles whatsoever. However, he was rather distracted and in that regard unable to perform properly, and perhaps Ar’alani could see that, too.

“You are dismissed for the next couple hours, Commander. Come back when you are able to function.”

“Thank you, Admiral.” But he knew this was not a privilege, as Chiss rarely admitted that they weren’t up to a task. Then again, they all knew he was no Chiss and he got more leeway. Still, he found it vital that he be able to function at least partly the way he had before, and he was certain that a few hours of sleep in his own bed would improve his mental state greatly.

~...~

Well. He had been wrong. Big, fat, almost embarrassingly wrong. 

If anything, the hours spent in his own room, in his own bed, that had always been empty except when he himself had occupied it, distracted him even more. It made him think of what he had willingly put aside, the chance that General Syndulla had given him to drop him back at the planet where they had found Ezra Bridger and the Grand Admiral, no questions asked. But then he knew he wasn’t supposed to go for that choice, as he had a duty to perform here, on board the  _ Steadfast _ .

He had to help save the Chiss people, much of the Unknown Regions and even part of Wild Space, from threats that they could be facing on a daily basis.

He sighed and turned onto his other side, grunting when the very movement sent a wave of pain across his chest. He hadn’t even looked at his own injuries yet, on Yavin-4 he had been anxious to get away and not be more of an inconvenience for the Rebellion. They had already spent so much time and resources on him, and he didn’t deserve that. He might not be an Imperial anymore, but he had once served in those ranks and had also fought against the Rebels valiantly, because he had been ordered to and perhaps because a part of him had believed it to be the right course of action.

Well, he certainly knew better now. Compared to the dangers in this part of the galaxy, the problems around the Core seemed almost laughable now. 

He sat up and turned towards the small mirror on the inside of his door, facing his bed. He pulled the collar of his shirt down a little, only to let it snap back instantly as the first inches of burned skin were revealed. But then his curiosity was sparked, and he pulled the collar down a little further, until he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head completely. 

Looking at the burns on his chest, he wondered how he was still alive. Much of the journey from Taivana to Yavin-4 was a blur - to be frank, he didn’t remember a lot since he had been shot, knowing painkillers and later the infection had rendered him unconscious for most of the time, but he had felt that it had been days. He knew how serious infections could be, and had seen many of them in the course of his life as they had taken people close to him. One needed to act quickly to avoid it spreading and damaging vital organs. 

He touched the skin tenderly, still sensitive. To him, it was nothing short of a miracle that he was still alive. Neither the blaster bolt nor the following infection had killed him. 

He washed his hands, applied the salve the medteam had provided for him, and put his shirt back on.

He should have died. And yet… he had lived. Why? Was the universe trying to tell him something? 

~...~

The  _ Steadfast _ had fared well without Eli and the two Chiss, and they had advanced on the mission the ship had been on when the three had left it. Admiral Ar’alani’s mood was alright, as they hadn’t suffered any major defeats in the past few days, but then they hadn’t had much of a purpose for drifting in space, either. 

Eli had been put on desk duty, which was not surprising, and he had thought that he would protest it, but the idea of sitting behind a desk running numbers instead of being on the bridge all day appealed more to him in that moment.

The Admiral had looked at Eli with more interest since his return, as if she was wondering how he was doing - almost like she was worried about his well being. He knew that couldn’t be, she was well aware that Eli could take care of himself perfectly well, but he was a superior officer on board her ship, after all, and she might have been able to miss him for the period that he had been missing, but they would undoubtedly need him on a next mission. 

The ship exited hyperspace and Eli looked out of the nearest viewport - odd. They weren’t scheduled to enter realspace for another couple of hours, as the Admiral had dismissed most of the bridge crew for the duration of their trip through hyperspace. 

Eli looked at the Admiral. She was returning his look - very intensely. 

“Commander Vanto, your bags are packed.”

He frowned. Tried to reach in his brain to find more translations for the Cheunh words. The language had fewer double entendres than Basic did, as it was much more straight to the point, but as with any language, there were always exceptions. But if there was another meaning to her spoken words, he had yet to come across it.

“Admiral?”

“I have reassigned you, Commander Vanto. You have been a great help on board the  _ Steadfast _ , but I am afraid that we require your talents elsewhere.”

He frowned even deeper and got up - still, after having returned days ago, the skin on his chest still hurt. He put a steadying hand on his desk. 

“I do not know what you mean, Admiral.”

“There is a planet in Wild Space that the Chiss believe can be useful. I want you to investigate whether this is the case.”

This was highly unusual. They were the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet, yes, but most of their actions were observing from afar, unless they were attacked. To send someone to the surface of an unknown planet to study it, much less a superior officer, almost felt like an insult. Was he being degraded?

“Have I done something wrong, Admiral?”

“On the contrary, Commander. I simply believe that your talents could be more useful on this planet.”

He looked at the Chiss to his side, one of whom was holding both bags that he had entered the ship with a couple of days ago. The entire situation seemed rather ominous, and precisely not what Admiral Ar’alani was making it appear to be. She seemed to understand this, too - the Chiss were more direct than humans, less of their motivation stemming from emotions, which Eli had praised more than once in the past. They were tactful and brilliant mostly because they didn’t act on feelings, they acted on logic and careful planning.

“You will still work for the Fleet. You will keep your rank.”

“I still do not understand, Admiral.”

She nodded, but she wouldn’t offer him any more explanation. This appeared to be it. He looked at the Chiss surrounding him, at his personal bag, the only items that were truly his, in the hands of this Chiss, and took in a deep but indiscernible breath. Alright. 

He gathered a few of his belongings from his desk, held out his hand so he could take his bag and joined the others, as they made their way to the docking station where a shuttle was awaiting him. 

“A communication frequency was installed on your comlink. You may always contact us.”

Eli nodded and climbed on board the shuttle, the very same, he realized as he saw the model inscriptions, as the one he had been in earlier that week.

And for the second time in a little over a week, he watched the  _ Steadfast _ slowly grow smaller in the viewport, only this time, he wasn’t with two unknown women on their way to find their lost friend - he was entering the atmosphere of this unknown planet, with no way of knowing what had caused him to be in this situation in the first place, still feeling like he had done something wrong.

He knew he hadn’t. He had been forced on desk duty but he had done his job well there, sticking to his hours and getting work done. He had even cut down on his rest hours so he could get more work in. 

The planet grew larger in the viewport and he saw it was an arboreal planet, giant trees in close proximity scattering the surface for as far as he could see. There were several patches that looked like clearings, and he guessed those were perhaps smaller ponds or lakes, or even settlements of the natives.

He hoped the local beings were at least sentient. He knew it was too much to hope for that they spoke Basic. 

The pilots touched down the shuttle and looked over their shoulders, as if to say, ‘thank you for flying with us, now get out’. He simply nodded and grabbed his bag, swinging it over his shoulder and causing him immense discomfort again as not only the movement, but also one of the straps of the bag rubbed against his chest. 

Perhaps this was for the better. He hoped there wouldn’t be too much action here because he wasn’t up for that, but perhaps a change of view would be good to get him to ditch his distractions. It wouldn’t do well to dwell on those for too long. He thanked the pilots, which was ridiculous because they had simply carried out orders, and hadn’t flown him out here on his wishes, and carefully climbed down the ramp. 

He looked around. Yep, a lot of forest. He wasn’t sure where to begin. Did Admiral Ar’alani really expect him to investigate the entire planet? She hadn’t been very specific about instructions. Then he realized, he could simply ask her, as she had provided him with the necessary comm frequency.

“Admiral Ar’alani for Commander Vanto.”

“Commander, go ahead.”

“What exactly are my orders, Admiral?”

There was a brief pause, before she continued. “Walk two clicks east, Commander.”

He looked at the sun,  _ suns _ , pulled out his datapad and typed in some variables, before he was able to determine where east was. Two clicks. He wasn’t sure he was up to that, either, but he had his orders. 

He didn’t meet any of the natives, which was a plus. Walking this far in his current state was already trying without having to converse or even fight with any locals. From a distance, he could faintly make out a settlement, and approached it carefully before pulling out his comlink. He debated contacting the Admiral again, but realized that she had entrusted him with this mission and he wouldn’t flunk it by asking for guidance every hour. 

He steeled himself and approached the settlement, mentally preparing himself for what he would tell them. He wasn’t even sure what language they would be speaking, but he had a few languages to cycle through before he would be forced to speak with hands and feet. He hoped they would simply be curious and not territorial - he wished that he had asked for someone to accompany him, even if it was just one of the Chiss warriors, he would feel a little safer. He was capable of defending himself - usually. But not in his current state.

Somebody had spotted him, as he saw movement from a watchtower on the outskirts of the settlement. He took in a deep breath and continued walking in that direction. He heard someone, probably the being on the tower, alert the settlement to his arrival - great. It was to be a grand spectacle, then. 

Some weapons were pointed at him, but when he stepped into clear view, most of them were lowered.

“He’s here!” someone yelled, and it took Eli several seconds to realize that they were talking in Basic - and that they had been expecting him.

They had been expecting him? What had the Admiral not told him?

And then suddenly, everything made sense. A figure rounded the corner of a nearer building and it looked at Eli. Even from this distance, with the first sun setting and casting the settlement in half-shadows, Eli could identify the figure.

_ No _ . This wasn’t real. This was a dream - no, a nightmare. He couldn’t have this, this wasn’t possible, he had thrown this away. He wanted it to be real, he wanted it to be real so badly, but he knew it wasn’t, and just that thought crushed on his chest miserably. 

And yet… what if it was real?

“Admiral Ar’alani?” he asked in the comlink, his hand shaking.

“Yes, Commander?”

“What planet is this?”

“Taivana, Commander.”

Eli dropped everything he was holding, including the comlink and walked over to the newly arrived figure, but halfway through his trip there, he had started rushing despite the protests of his recovering body - his heart had taken the reins now, was telling him that he had been a dumb ass for choosing what his brain had told him was the more reasonable course of action.

He had lived. He had lived, while he should have died, and he knew now that it was the universe, or the Force, telling him something. He was meant to live. He couldn’t die yet.

“Eli!” the figure said, not quite yelling, but the volume loud enough to carry itself over this distance. And then suddenly, he was there, standing in front of the man he loved, tears in his eyes and his heart hammering violently in his chest, and not from exertion. 

“Eli,” Thrawn breathed. “You’re here.”

But Eli’s words had been torn from his tongue - he was speechless. One moment, he had believed he had been demoted, perhaps even exiled; that he had done something horribly wrong to be discarded like this. The next, he had realized that Admiral Ar’alani, the brilliant woman that she was, had figured him out long ago.

He felt a tear spill onto his cheek before he could stop it. He had honestly thought that he would never see this man again. He had thought the man was dead for years, then he had seen him again, just briefly before Sabine Wren had exacted revenge on him; and then Eli had nearly died and had forced himself away from Thrawn.

Why had he done that? Why had he allowed himself to distance himself again from Thrawn, from the one thing in his life that truly made him feel  _ alive _ ? Loved? Treasured?

He fell into the Chiss’ arms without another word, feeling the tears he had been holding in for years now release themselves, and everything was even more intense when Thrawn wrapped his arms tightly around him. Eli was surprised that his chest only hurt a little, but perhaps he was simply unable to feel much more over the relief and love that was currently flooding his system. 

He faintly made out that Thrawn was tightening his hold on him, and then he felt himself being seated on a soft surface, and he closed his eyes in relief.

“Are you alright, Eli?” Thrawn asked, brushing Eli’s cheek lovingly. Eli opened his eyes and looked up at the piercing, glowing red eyes that he loved so much. His heart seemed to be at ease, peaceful, tranquil. Everything seemed to have fallen into place with the Chiss’ presence. 

“I am now.”

And Thrawn smiled brightly at him, cupping Eli’s face and kissing him, briefly, almost tenderly. Eli had to remember to send a ‘thank-you’ flimsi to Admiral Ar’alani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Disclaimer: Taivana is totally made up. Don't ask me where it is, I won't be able to tell you. I tried for an entire evening to find a suitable planet on a SW map but couldn't find any, so I made it up. Sue me.)  
> So. What did you think? Do you like matchmaker Ar'alani as much as I do? Because I certainly very much enjoyed writing her like this. She's far from stupid and I can just imagine her being so done with Thrawn and Eli being these stupid love-sick fools. Anyway, I have written a companion piece to this part of the story from Thrawn's POV, so if y'all are interested in that, let me know and I will probably post it as a separate story. Warning: it's waaaay more depressing than this story was, right up until it wasn't. (Because I wrote Thrawn in this story with the idea that he was mostly depressed now, with everything that had happened.) It's almost 10k so idk but just lemme know alright? Okay.  
> Also, we're getting close to the end. I had planned on writing a short Epilogue but it turned out longer than I had expected, too, so I will probably upload that as a different story, too. Idk. We'll see.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not over that namedrop, tbh.  
> Also, when it comes to this chapter: be warned. There's some mentions of homophobia at the end. Be safe y'all!

Hera was watching her make-shift family while they were spending time together near the base. Jacen was playing with some of his peers, a few of them fellow humans or aliens who were ‘enrolled’, as it were, in Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Academy. Hera knew he didn’t want to call it that, but that was an apt description for it anyway. 

Ezra and Sabine were sat closeby but rather separate from the others, the two of them looking up at the sky and discussing whatever it was that they could be discussing. Hera saw their hands were entwined where they were resting on the ground, but if asked, Hera would deny valiantly ever having seen it. It still felt a little odd to see them like this, despite the fact that she had known about their feelings perhaps long before they did, themselves. She considered both of them her kids, but had allowed herself to let those leashes go a little. She still wanted them to be happy - however they filled it in was up to them. And really, they weren’t _technically_ her kids, she just regarded them as such.

She looked away from the two lovebirds to look over at Zeb and Kallus, sitting beside her and talking about something that she didn’t have the correct focus for. In any case, it didn’t seem like they needed her in the conversation anyway, so all went well. She was glad that they had come over for a few days, and felt like finally, her little make-shift family was complete - or, well, as complete as it could be. One person was definitely missing but there was no remedying that. 

She smiled when Kallus leaned in to steal a quick kiss from his Lasat husband, before joining Jacen after the boy had repeatedly asked his favorite uncles to join him. The human crunched over a little, spreading his arms out wide and grunting like a monster would, causing the kids to laugh and run away from him, a couple of them raising their wooden training lightsabers and pretending to hit him.

Hera startled when she felt Zeb’s hand cover hers fondly, and she turned her head to look at him. He was sending her a kind, genuine smile, and she could never stop herself from returning it, and now was no exception. 

“It never does get any easier, does it?” Zeb asked her. She was forcefully torn from the happy picture that she had in front of her, but she knew Zeb didn’t do it to hurt her. She had to find a balance between the happy family she had now, and missing Kanan. She hadn’t found it yet, but knew she would some day. 

“No.”

She scooted closer to him so she could put her head on his upper arm. 

It was almost odd to realize that there had once been a time where Garazeb Orrelios hadn’t wanted to join the Spectres. That he had been a broken, mostly violent man, until he had met Kanan and Hera and they had forced him to take a real long look at his life, and Hera had marveled at the progress he had made in all those years. He had been miserable, the last of his kind, and seeking out violence and misery and sorrow in an attempt to repent for something he had had no control over whatsoever. He had found meaning in his life, with the help of the other Spectres, and the realization that he hadn’t been the one responsible for the death of most of his people, and the following forgiveness that he had granted Alexandr Kallus had lifted a weight off of both the men’s shoulders.

She was incredibly happy for them that they had found their peace, together. And she had been incredibly honored to be one of the witnesses at their wedding on Lira San. 

“‘ey, remind me, what became of that human Imperial that ya nurtured back ter health?”

“You make it sound like I found a stray Loth cat,” she said drily, and Zeb laughed at that. 

“Well, most humans I know fit that picture perfectly.”

They laughed together, looking at their humans. 

“He, uh… well, I wanted to help him. In a way, I thought… perhaps I could help someone keep hold of their love, because I couldn’t hold on to mine. But… he wouldn’t quite let me.” She sighed and put her hand on his arm, too, her fingers weaving tenderly through his fur. “I think he was uncomfortable being here.”

“Well, I can imagine that.”

She nodded. “He _was_ an Imperial. He had given up so much in his lifetime… his home planet, his career plans, his love. I wanted to make a difference…”

“I’m sure ya did, Hera. Yer being too hard on yerself.”

“Maybe. I want to believe that. But… should I have forced him to return to Taivana?”

Zeb shook his head, confirming what had already been in her head in the first place. Eli Vanto was his own being, and he could make his own choices. He deserved that, after many years following those of others. 

Her comlink rang and she pushed away from Zeb, reaching for the device in her pocket. 

“Dispatch to General Syndulla,” a voice came, unfamiliar to Hera. 

“Go ahead.”

“We have news about your broadcast to Admiral Ar’alani, General.”

Hera looked at Zeb, who was looking at her with a frown and genuine curiosity for what was to come. She sat up straighter.

“Yes?”

“Lieutenant Commander Vanto is on his new mission, and it does not look like he will be coming back any time soon.”

“Thanks. Over.”

Now, Hera could see that to Zeb, this didn’t mean a bloody thing. He was sitting there, having grabbed a sandwich from the picnic basket that Hera had brought, the proper mother hen that she was, but he had been about to take a bite when she looked at him.

“Why’re ya lookin’ at me like that?”

She shook her head and smiled, pushing his arm toward him so he could take a bite of his sandwich. She reached for one herself, reveling in the deliciousness of her self-made treats. 

The day before, she had sent an encrypted message to the _Steadfast_ , Sabine and Ghent, an expert slicer Leia had recommended on more than one occasion for wide-ranging reasons, helping her track down the coordinates and comm frequency of the Chiss ship. Sabine had mostly moved on from her trip to Taivana, seeing as she had other things to focus on right now, but Hera could tell that Eli Vanto’s state-of-mind and his well-being still, in her mind, fell under her responsibility. 

Hera had simply been unable to let it go. Her father would be ashamed of her if he learned that she was trying so desperately to match some of her biggest enemies, but her grieving heart felt it was her duty, her calling. 

Jacen seemed to have noticed something different about his mother, as he made his way over to her, ditching his playmates. Hera remembered, as he stood just a few feet away from her, that he was Force-sensitive and that he could no doubt feel her emotions through the Force, just like his father and big brother had been able to.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Are you okay, Mommy?”

Hera looked at her baby boy and waved for him to come over. He dropped his toy lightsaber and complied, until he was standing in front of Hera and she could brush his unruly hair out of his face. He was so beautiful, this little boy that she had grown in her belly, had birthed, had nursed and bathed and had seen grow up before her eyes. The perfect combination of Hera’s stubbornness and determination, and Kanan’s rugged good looks. He had brought light into her life that she hadn’t thought she would ever see return, and he had improved every single day immensely. 

It was only now, with little Jacen Syndulla standing before her, that she realized that in a way, she still had Kanan with her. She couldn’t have him in her bed, or have him wrap his arms around her tightly or nudge her when he thought she was being ridiculous and cute; but her priorities had shifted, and she was a mother now of a beautiful little boy, whom she _could_ cuddle with every night and kiss in the morning and whisper sweet nothings to, causing him to giggle and chuckle and pull her in for a tight hug. She felt incredibly happy and blessed to have this.

She had built a life with Kanan that she had loved, surrounded by all their favorite people, and Jacen was merely a continuation of that life. She would do whatever was in her power to make this little guy happy, keep him healthy, and help him grow into the person he wanted to be. 

~...~

Eli Vanto didn’t remember when the last time had been that he had slept for this long. He didn’t even remember how he had ended up in this bed, only that he had basically thrown himself into Thrawn’s arms - much after that was an exhausted, emotional blur.

He stirred and was surprised to find that his chest didn’t hurt as much as it had before, and he did feel quite well rested. He opened his eyes and was instantly met by the most beautiful face in the galaxy - and that face was looking back at him in quiet fascination. Thrawn smiled gently and his hand brushed the side of Eli’s face.

“Good morning,” the Chiss whispered. 

“Is it morning?” Eli asked. It seemed too dark outside, but Eli would readily admit that he was quite disoriented and had no idea what time it was.

Thrawn seemed to take Eli’s question into consideration, and looked over his own shoulder briefly, before focusing on Eli again.

“I admit, I am not quite certain of the time myself.” He paused. “And I am certain I do not very much care.”

Eli looked at the man intently, but couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud just moments later. Thrawn joined him, their hands finding each other and holding on tightly. Eli’s chest chose this moment to send a painful surge all throughout and he coughed to dissipate some of the pain. Thrawn stopped laughing immediately and looked at him worriedly.

“I have been so worried, Eli,” Thrawn admitted quietly. “I knew the best thing to do was to stay behind, but… I have been dying a slow death since you left.”

Thrawn was a master tactician but he wasn’t that well versed in metaphors, and the idea that Thrawn might have actually been miserable during their separation, not just this week but the past few years, made Eli even more determined that they had taken the wrong paths in parting ways. Twice.

But they were here now, together. And they owed it all to the Rebellion and Admiral Ar’alani, who had reassigned him, without his knowledge. All of their efforts were more than anyone had ever done for him, and he didn’t know what he had done to deserve that.

“I meant what I said,” Eli whispered. “In Cheunh. I mean, I thought I was dying, but I still meant it.”

“What did you say?” Thrawn asked him, but he was only half serious.

“That I love you.” Eli paused for a while, as if he was trying to let the words sink in. He hadn’t said them before - neither had Thrawn - in the time they had been together. Eli had always thought that there would be more time, that they would have more opportunities to say it. And at the same time, he hadn’t been sure if the words were true, whether he really meant them. Perhaps at first, he hadn’t been sure, but he had felt them very early on, that feeling he hadn’t expected he would ever have. “I always meant to say it, before. I… thought I would get over it.”

Eli smiled sheepishly, and Thrawn nodded.

“Evidently not.”

Eli had to chuckle at the man’s seriousness, and the formal attitude Thrawn usually remained in, especially when it came to manners of the heart. By now, Eli knew how Thrawn felt, or at least could make a fair assumption towards the subject.

Eli scooted close so their foreheads rested against each other.

"I have missed you so much, Thrawn. I didn't even know how much until I saw you again earlier this week."

"We are together now, Eli."

Eli smiled and closed his eyes in bliss. Yes, they were. He would never let go of this ever again.

"And, I meant what I said, too. I love you."

Eli kissed Thrawn then, his hand in the Chiss' hair, and Thrawn's hands in their turn trying to pull Eli impossibly close. And they made out like that, laying on their sides, reveling in each other's warmth and proximity, something they had so dearly missed all these years. Eventually, they even moved on to making love, yet they took their time, mindful of Eli’s injuries. 

~...~

Eli had rarely stopped to look at a view. Any view. He had always been too busy, work took up too much of his time, and he couldn’t spare even just one minute.

That was all different now. 

A year or so before, while he and the others had still been presumed dead or otherwise lost in space, Thrawn had found a nearby tree that was easy to climb, and while it had been difficult with his injuries, Eli was happy for the movement - they had been basically bedridden for a few days. Thrawn reached out his hand and pulled Eli the last bit, onto a makeshift bench, with a great view over the surrounding forest.

It was beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. But it was undoubtedly made so because of the company.

Eli took place against Thrawn's chest, and the Chiss' arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Thrawn?" Eli asked, when he had felt himself approach sleep again. 

"Hmm?"

"Did you always know you were attracted to men?"

Perhaps Eli had expected him to pause and search for an appropriate answer, but he was surprised, as he so often was, by the Chiss.

"The Chiss do not have the same views on sexuality as humans do. For procreation, a male and a female are indeed necessary, just as with your biology. Yet our sexuality is less focused on procreation. It is… complicated to explain. In any case, the Chiss generally mate for life."

So, that meant…

"Yes. In your culture, I think we could be considered, what is the word…"

"Married."

Eli didn't know what it was that he was feeling, but he did know that his eyes filled with tears at the thought.

Him, Eli Vanto, _married_ to the love of his life… he could never have thought that possible.

"What about you, Eli?"

Eli wasn't sure what their conversation had been about until it had ended up at marriage, and had to refocus hard to get himself back. "Huh?"

"I am aware that mating with someone of the same sex is frowned upon for a lot of humans."

"It is, unfortunately." It had often reminded Eli of the hatred that had been aimed towards Thrawn - without a single piece of information, people had often had a judgment ready. Not that it fazed the Chiss any, he was somehow quite adept at blocking out any hate. 

"So when did _you_ know that you were attracted to men?"

Eli's previous merry mood was completely ruined, but Thrawn couldn't be faulted for that. He was curious, just as Eli had been, and Thrawn was curious about _a lot_ of things, often subjects that were too taboo or painful to discuss. 

This was also and indeed a subject too difficult to discuss, but Eli trusted Thrawn implicitly. Perhaps it would do him well to talk about it.

"I, uh… always had a feeling, but didn't know for certain until I met a boy… this was probably about a year before I enrolled in the Academy. I, uh… had had a girlfriend before, but… uh… well, with this boy, I hadn't even planned on being with him, but… things just felt so _right_. But we were caught holding hands, I wasn't even aware that people were watching, and, uh…" He paused, seeing the memory before his eyes as if he was still living it. "Well, that was the last time I acted on that feeling."

Thrawn's arms tightened around Eli, and the human could feel the Chiss place his head on his shoulder.

"What happened, Eli?"

"I don't remember everything. But I distinctly remember waking up in the hospital with a broken collarbone and a concussion."

"I am so sorry, Eli… you didn't deserve that. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. It was wrong of them to judge you for it."

Eli turned around and wrapped his arms around Thrawn tightly, not slipping into his lap at first so the angle was a little awkward, but nevertheless safe and comfortable. 

If only Eli had known Thrawn in those days. He doubted he would have felt this strongly for the Chiss when he was younger, but Thrawn was open-minded, he didn't care, and perhaps he could have protected Eli from the bullying.

But that was then and they were in the now, and Eli preferred it that way. 

"So long as I am alive, I will never let anything bad happen to you, Eli," Thrawn whispered, kissing the top of Eli's head and brushing his back. 

"Didn't do a very good job," Eli murmured, jokingly, but Thrawn took it seriously, because of course he did. He covered Eli's chest, knowing what the blaster bolt had done to the skin.

"No. I did not. And that ranks as one of the biggest regrets in my life. They wanted to hurt _me_ , and, well… they did."

They were silent for a long time after that, taking in the view as Eli settled back against Thrawn's chest, riding out the last waves of sadness and pain until he had mostly returned to himself.

"Thrawn?"

"Hmm?"

"What's the plan?" Eli asked, looking down at Thrawn's hands and tracing the top of one.

"What do you mean?"

"For us. The plan. What… what do we do next? Where do we live? Do we-" He swallowed the words at the last moment, doubting that now was the right time to be discussing their relationship status.

"I was not aware we needed a plan," Thrawn said quietly, linking his fingers with Eli's. The human looked up at the Chiss but the older man simply looked ahead of himself.

"No, I guess we don't," Eli said quietly.

"You misunderstand, Eli. I want us to have a future. I simply have not thought of a plan for it. I thought… perhaps we could do that together. I have spent enough time always being one step ahead of others, of you." Thrawn paused, bringing his hands back to himself. Eli wouldn't have it. "I have to be honest with you, Eli. I have seen the shuttles hovering, and I would recognize the build anywhere. It is only a matter of time before the Empire will find us, or what is left of it anyway. I spent most of my time here hoping they would come and find me, because in this strange world that I was thrust into, the Empire was my familiar. Or, well, at least I thought so. It took me quite some time to realize that it wasn't the Empire that was giving me that - it was you. I do not exactly remember when I realized it, but eventually I was waiting for you to show up. Just you. I do not want the Empire to find us, I just want to be with you. They will excommunicate us anyway."

"Rather, court-martial," Eli corrected, for that was the only thing he knew to do at that moment, his mind otherwise blank.

"That, too."

Eli looked at the sky, and for the first time saw what Thrawn had no doubt seen days ago, but which had completely escaped Eli's notice. He had been otherwise occupied and felt almost foolish for not having seen the obvious way a shuttle was hovering over them, trying to be inconspicuous but failing miserably. The Empire really wasn't what it used to be. 

"Eli, I got into contact with the Rebels, and do not interrupt me just yet," Thrawn said, putting a hand on Eli's upper arm in a soothing manner. "Their central planet is not a good idea for us to be on… for obvious reasons. I am aware you are impartial to cold, so Csilla is out of the question. But over the years, I have conversed with the young Ezra Bridger about his home planet, and General Syndulla confirmed that we would be safe there. She can get us there without anyone noticing."

"And do what? Take up farming or something?"

Thrawn was quiet but eventually let out a short laugh. "Well… yes."

"Thrawn, you haven't worked on a field a day in your life!"

"You would be surprised."

"Suppose I was-"

"What I am trying but failing to say here is that I would like for you to join me on Lothal. The Rebels you have aided seem to claim a lifelong debt, and they will uphold that towards our safety, I am sure." Thrawn made Eli turn around, and their eyes met. Eli could get used to this sight. "Eli, my love… I do not know how to do this, how do humans do this?"

What was _this_? Eli wondered. He had known the Chiss far better than most, and knew how to read the man, too. Throughout their acquaintance, and much of their relationship, too, Thrawn had often maintained a professionalism, mostly out of habit, Eli knew. If Eli had to describe the man's behavior now, it could only be explained with 'nervous'. And that was certainly an emotion Eli hadn't seen often on the Chiss' face, except for that afternoon many years ago when they had taken their partnership to a whole new level - Thrawn had been nervous and a little afraid then.

"What are you talking about, Thrawn?" Eli whispered, a hand on the Chiss' cheek.

"Marriage. Chiss do not enter such civil agreements, but I am aware that humans _do_."

Was Thrawn asking what Eli thought he was asking? Was he _proposing_?

"Eli, I was exiled from my people and forced to live in solitude. Then you came along, and you had not intended to aid me, but you still did. You did not have to. For that, I am eternally grateful. Throughout the years, I have come to know you as a dear friend, and in my turn, did not intend to start any meaningful romantic relations. But you, Eli… with you, I feel amazing. I have no other words to describe it, not in Basic." Thrawn brushed a hand through Eli's hair, then spoke in Cheunh, slowly, as if attempting to give Eli a bit more time to translate. "I want to grow old with you, Eli. I want to be with you, forever."

Eli smiled brightly at Thrawn as he finally realized what it was that the Chiss wanted to say. He _was_ in fact proposing, but he didn't know how to do so. Eli imagined Thrawn trying to research this topic, but he couldn't imagine there was a lot to be found on this topic, not with the resources he had at his disposal here. It was rather cute.

"Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo, are you asking me to marry you?" Eli replied in Basic, with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"If that means entering a civil union, then… yes."

Eli almost let out a breath in relief. He still vividly remembered the hate that had been aimed towards him before he had even realized being gay wasn't the standard and that his feelings were supposedly 'unnatural'. He had learned to accept the fact that he would probably end up alone, because he wasn't allowed to act on his feelings; even later on, when he had been unexpectedly thrown into Coruscanti life, where social norms were vastly different from his home planet, the Wild Space norms were still deeply embedded into his being. Didn't matter that he had been rather attracted to Thrawn at first sight, if only because the Chiss seemed to come straight out of legends. A tough, worthy (and handsome) warrior - perhaps not the best coworker for a lowly Cadet with internalized homophobia. 

Could Eli have ever even dreamed of being in his current position? Probably not. Could Eli possibly be any happier? Also no. 

"Yes, Thrawn. I would want nothing more than to enter a civil union with you."

Eli loved his eternally grammatically correct Chiss. A big smile matching Eli's spread across Thrawn's face, and the younger man couldn't keep himself from kissing the other, so he did just that. The Chiss responded in kind, smile only spreading underneath Eli's lips, arms wrapping tighter around whatever they could reach.

"I never want to leave you again," Eli whispered in Sy Bisti, then followed by Cheunh, "I love you, so much."

"You never have to leave me," Thrawn replied in Cheunh, brushing that stubborn curl out of his face. "I will not let you." And Thrawn kissed the tip of his nose, sending a wave of love throughout Eli. He didn't have to pretend when he was with Thrawn, he could just be. He was safe in Thrawn's arms, and knew the Chiss would take care of everything. "And I love you, too, my sweet Eli."

They fell asleep in each other's arms, even if they both knew that their necks and backs would protest when they woke up. Eli couldn't have stood even if held at gunpoint. 

When he woke, he was lying on the bench without the comforting, warm body beneath him, and he panicked for a second, wondering if everything had been just a cruel dream, but then he heard Thrawn's voice from a little distance away, and considering that was the only voice Eli heard, he must be speaking in a comm of some sort. Eli rubbed his eyes, wondering how long he had been asleep, considering it was slowly getting dark. He sat up, wincing as he realized sleeping in this position wasn't very good for a speedy recovery of his injuries. He was about to get up completely when Thrawn came into view.

"How are you feeling, my love?" Thrawn asked, his voice sweet but his smile tight. 

Eli was instantly alarmed. "What's wrong?"

Thrawn hesitated in answering but knew as well as Eli did that there was no point in keeping secrets, especially those pertaining to their safety.

The Chiss leaned down first to kiss Eli briefly, as if he was trying to dampen the message he had to deliver.

"We have been spotted and an attack was thwarted. The CDF kept an eye out and has offered their help in relocating us."

Eli nodded sadly, because he would have loved to stay here, up in this tree, for a little longer, but reality never failed to catch up with them. Thrawn looked at him intently for a while, head tilted, and Eli returned the scrutiny with a faint smile. Then, he pushed himself up and offered his hand to Thrawn.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Eli said, not as cheerily as the meaning might have implied, but it still caused Thrawn to smile. 

"You are right, of course. This is only the start of the rest of our lives."

The uncharacteristic sentimental statement from the otherwise neutral Chiss earned him a deep kiss, before starting the precarious climb down the tree. 

The brief walk to the Chiss shuttle was a challenge, as they had been spotted once more and their foes were trying valiantly to take them out of the picture. Thrawn had to carry Eli the last meters with an arm around him, and didn't let go while the shuttle took off.

Thrawn reached for Eli's hand after they had taken a seat. The human looked at the sight with wonder and love, for he had once thought this out of his reach, impossible, it just couldn't be; and now he seemed to be departing for a far-away desert planet to be with the man of his dreams, and it made Eli feel things he couldn't quite place.

He scooted closer to the Chiss and leaned his head against his shoulder. Thrawn still refused to let go of Eli's hand, and really…

That was just fine with Eli.

Eli had never felt more alive.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is it, folks! This is the final chapter! There's just the Epilogue and a bonus chapter (Thrawn's POV) coming up after this. Hope you enjoyed this thing so far, and thanks for sticking around!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, sorry about that! I was busy doing all sorts of useless things, writing a couple Thranto fics on the side, so you can expect some more coming from me in the near future. Also, this is the Epilogue I told y'all about! Only thing left is Thrawn's POV, which I will upload in a few days, too. Thanks for sticking around for this story!

**3 years later**

Jacen Syndulla had the best family he could ever dream of. Granted, he didn't really know any better, this was all he had known, but he was well aware that every member of their family, and even their close friends, loved him unconditionally and would do anything to make him happy and to keep him safe. 

Even at age 8, he knew he was blessed.

There was just one thing he was also well aware of that could be better, but he knew that was mostly out of his hands. 

He looked at his mother as she prepared breakfast for the two of them, softly humming a song she had learned earlier that week, and her feet tapping to a tune that was otherwise silent to Jacen. 

His mother had always told him that he was special, and when he had started his meetings with Master Luke, Jacen had been forced to realize just what she meant by that. He was a Jedi, like Master Luke, but also like his father, who had died before Jacen was born. He didn't know much about his father, but he knew everybody loved him deeply and still missed him on a daily basis.

Jacen wished he could have known his father. He shrugged internally. It couldn't be fixed.

He had realized early on as well that he could tap into people's feelings easily, which had sometimes offended people because they felt like he was reading their minds. But nobody was as easy to read as his own mother, even though she always insisted that what he was reading was wrong and that she was just fine. 

Jacen knew she wasn't. He hoped his hugs would improve her mood a little, and he did often feel her emotions change whenever he wrapped his arms tightly around her. 

Jacen had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized his mother had placed a plate in front of him and was brushing the back of his head.

"You alright, sweetheart?" she asked. She brushed a strand of hair out of his face.

He nodded.  _ He _ was alright. But he would be better if his mother was, too.

After breakfast, Jacen set out to go to school, proud that he had reached an age where his mother would allow him to go by himself, but realized that he had probably taken a wrong turn somewhere and found himself lost.

He panicked for just a few seconds before he gathered himself and thought of his options. He could of course go back the way he had come, but after turning around and looking that way, he realized he wasn't certain which alley he had come from, so that was not a good idea. He looked around himself and realized that he was at the outskirts of their small town, and didn't recognize any of the buildings or houses despite having many friends who lived in this vicinity. 

"They're at school," he murmured to himself, and looked again at the desert surrounding the village. 

He saw the little hut in the distance that his mother had forbidden him from ever coming close to. Looked back over his shoulder at civilization and considered his options once more. 

Curiosity got the better of him. His mother had often warned him about talking to strangers, but he was a Jedi, and Jedi could take care of themselves! And he was already lost, and couldn't get more lost, so he figured he didn't have a lot to lose anyway.

As he approached, he noticed that there was a figure working outside, working the field, it seemed like. As Jacen got closer, he admitted his hands had started shaking a little, and especially when the figure noticed his approach. Well, he had been spotted. Nothing to lose now.

The figure got clearer as he neared the little house, as he realized it was, rather than a hut. It was surrounded by fields full of crops, and Jacen recognized all the vegetables he hated but his mother made him eat. The person working the field was an alien, which wasn't such a shock to Jacen, as he himself was part alien, but it wasn't a familiar alien. In appearance, the alien looked to be a man, and his skin was light blue, hair mostly black and blue, but with a few silver hairs, much like Uncle Alex, even if he would valiantly deny it every time it was pointed out. When the alien lifted his head to look at him further, Jacen's hands started shaking all over again - the glowing red eyes were incredibly intimidating and scary, but just as soon as that thought entered his head, he reminded himself of who he was - he was a Jedi! He wasn't scared! Master Luke wouldn't be scared in this situation, and Jacen was sure that his father wouldn't be scared, either.

"Hello," the alien said, his head tilted a bit to the side, the corners of his mouth turned up. 

"I'm lost," Jacen said, it being the only thing he felt he could say through his fear. The fact that Jacen couldn't really feel the alien's emotions didn't help in reassuring him. 

"Well, we cannot have that, can we?" the alien said, putting down his tools and getting up, rubbing his hands clean on the legs of his pants. Jacen took a few steps back, looking the alien up and down. “Do you remember where you live?”

“My Mommy says I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”

The alien nodded. “Your mommy is very wise.” He smiled kindly at Jacen, and his fears dissipated a little. Just a little. “My name is Thrawn. What is your name?"

"Jacen."

"Nice to meet you, Jacen." The alien reached out his hand but Jacen knew not to shake it. Thrawn seemed only a little disappointed. "I understand my appearance is intimidating. I assure you, I mean you no harm."

It was true that Jacen didn't feel any bad intentions coming off of the alien, but then he couldn't really feel much of anything from the man. Thrawn was about to say more when a little girl ran out of the house, chuckling, and attacked the man’s legs. Jacen remembered acting like this with his own mother. Jacen had also noticed that the little girl had similar blue skin as the man did.

Thrawn chuckled back and lifted the little girl into his arms. She kissed his cheeks, multiple times, and they said some things Jacen couldn’t understand, and then she squirmed out of his arms and ran back into the house. 

Thrawn looked at Jacen, the smile that the little girl had brought out still on his lips. They were silent before the blue man continued talking.

“That is my daughter, Thabilla. As you can see, she has blue skin, too. She is quite harmless. Except, perhaps, when you steal her cookies."

Jacen could see where the little girl had disappeared to, and heard another male voice from inside the house. 

"I was on my way to school," Jacen started explaining, still looking at the void that was the building. He thought he could see the other person, but he couldn't be certain. "I took a wrong turn."

Thrawn nodded in understanding. Perhaps glad that this little boy was finally trusting him a little.

"Do you know the name of your school, Jacen?"

Jacen gave Thrawn the name, figuring that there wasn't much wrong and dangerous about that information. The man nodded, went into the house briefly and returned just moments later. 

"Let us get you to your education, Jacen."

They started from the house into the general direction of the village, and Jacen looked back over his shoulder, just in time to see the little girl he had seen before, in the arms of a human. Jacen nearly startled, for he hadn't expected to see a human affiliated with this alien, not when the skin colors of both the little girl and the man were so similar.

Jacen knew two men couldn't have a baby, and neither could two women, so he wondered how these two men had had a baby. He was well aware it would be considered rude to ask.

"You have a question, Jacen?" Thrawn asked, his hands clasped together behind his back while he walked. He was considerate of Jacen's much shorter legs, it seemed.

"You have a child."

"Yes, I do."

"But you have a husband?"

"Very astute deduction. Indeed, that, I do, too."

"How?"

Thrawn chuckled but didn't respond further for a while. Jacen realized he had long ago lost his fears towards the alien, and was now rather curious about him. His mother would be angry at him for trusting a stranger like this, but Jacen knew his name, and his daughter's name, so they couldn't be considered strangers anymore. Right?

"Thabilla is adopted. My people, the Chiss, had no place for her. Therefore, my husband and I decided to adopt her."

"Chiss?"

"Yes. Most people do not know about my species, because they live rather far away from the Core."

"Lothal is far away, too."

"Very true. Csilla is even further away."

Jacen considered this. He had learned in school about the different rims of their galaxy, and how both Yavin-4, his birth planet, and Lothal, were quite far away from Coruscant. He liked it here, but then he didn't know what life was like in the Core. 

"Is your daughter from your planet?"

"She is, yes."

"And your husband?"

Thrawn paused briefly before continuing. "My husband is a human. Much like you, I presume."

Thrawn wasn't wrong - Jacen was mostly a human in appearance. He knew he had an unusual hair color compared to other humans, and his mother loved his little ears, edged with green. 

"My Mommy is a Twi'lek."

Thrawn startled at that, but recovered himself quickly. 

"Hmm. What did you say your last name was, Jacen?"

What an odd question. Jacen practically heard his mother scold him, so he decided he would be wise this time. 

"I apologize. I should not have asked for that, that was uncalled for. I see your Mommy has raised you well, Jacen. I am certain she is proud of you."

Jacen didn't know what to say to that so he just kept walking. Thrawn's hands were still clasped behind his back, as if he was on top of the situation, but Jacen could suddenly feel a little more of the man's emotions through the Force. He seemed to be startled and thinking of the next course of dialogue. 

He didn't find it, because they reached Jacen's school before they could say anything more. His disappearance had not gone unnoticed, seeing as-

"Jacen!" a familiar voice said, followed by his mother, panicking to no end. She cupped both his cheeks and kissed his forehead, reassuring herself more than him. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Jacen nodded, completely calm. He had only felt unsafe for a little bit, but then he had noticed that the blue skinned alien Thrawn was trustworthy and he had helped him to get to school.

Speaking of Thrawn, Jacen should probably thank him. He looked over his shoulder, but couldn't find the man anymore. 

Huh. Jacen almost felt a little disappointed. He'd had so many more questions about this mysterious man, mainly why Jacen’s mother had forbidden him from contacting him. He seemed very nice, and he was not old enough to know that being nice didn’t necessarily mean that someone didn’t have ulterior motives.

“I’m okay, Mommy. No need to worry.”

His mother chuckled, tears in her eyes, and hugged him again. 

~…~

Jacen breached the subject again a few days later, curiosity taking the reins in the end. He wanted to know more about Thrawn, he couldn’t help it.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why can’t I go to the house?”

His mother frowned. “Which house?”

“The one. Outside the town.”

She knew exactly which one he was talking about, but pretended not to have heard him. She didn't reply, continuing their Saturday breakfast, before turning towards him.

"Why do you ask, Jacen?"

He shrugged. "Just curious."

Jacen's mother nodded and brushed a cheek, before finishing preparing their breakfast and putting his plate in front of him. She was silent for a little bit after that, but eventually started talking.

"Do you remember when Ezra was missing, Jacen?" He nodded. "Well, 'Soka and Bina went to look for him, and they got the help from a human called Eli. When Ezra got lost, a friend of Eli's also got lost, so they went to look for them together. The only thing was… Eli's friend was not a friend of the Rebellion. In the past, he was with the Empire. Remember when Miss Serec told you about the Empire? They did a lot of bad things, and Eli and his friend were a part of that."

Jacen could swear he saw his mother get even sadder than she usually was. "But… Eli was so helpful in finding Ezra, that we decided to stop being angry at them. And the Empire was angry at them for leaving, so they were unsafe on most planets, so we all decided that living here would be best for them. They have been living in that house for years."

Jacen nodded, letting the information sink in. He remembered vaguely Ahsoka and Sabine talking about this Eli but he wasn't really sure what they had said about him. They seemed to be thankful of his help, but they were also rather secretive about his existence. Perhaps they knew how curious Jacen generally was and that he would definitely disobey his mother's direct orders. 

Well, they were right about that.

"Will you tell me why you asked now?"

"Mommy… I'm sorry, Mommy."

"Sorry about what, sweetheart?"

"When I got lost… I didn't mean to but I didn't know where to go and I didn't recognize any of the streets anymore! And I saw the house and I knew I wasn't supposed to go there but I didn't know what else to do! But I went there and there was this blue man called Thrawn and he was super nice and he showed me the way back to school! I'm sorry for not listening to you!"

"You… went to the house?"

Jacen looked at his mother and she wasn't angry, just disappointed, and he felt tears in his eyes. He had been so stupid! Why couldn't he just listen to his mother? Why did he have to be so stubborn?

But his mother just sighed and ran a hand through Jacen's hair.

"I knew you would be too curious to stay away from them."

"I'm sorry, Mommy."

"I understand, sweetheart. Did you have any other questions about them?"

Jacen thought about this. He was incredibly curious but there was a reason that they lived secluded from everyone else. Perhaps Thrawn and Eli didn't want to have anything to do with any of them, but then that wasn't the feeling Jacen had gotten. Thrawn seemed incredibly open to a conversation and wanted to help Jacen.

"Can we go visit them?"

It took her a little while to respond, but eventually he answered, with a little sigh.

"Of course, sweetheart. As long as it's okay with Thrawn and Eli."

Jacen hadn't yet made the connection that the husband Thrawn had been talking about could be Eli, but he was suddenly incredibly giddy to meet him. Both out of curiosity, but also because he wanted to thank Eli for bringing back his big brother.

~...~

Hera loved her baby boy dearly, but he could get the same crazy schemes in his head as his father, and this was just one of those examples. 

There was a reason that she had forbidden Jacen from ever approaching this house, although over the years, that reason had been increasingly more difficult to remember. But then she would remember Governor Pryce, and Grand Admiral Thrawn, and any other being, sentient or otherwise, who had been complicit in Kanan's death, and she simply couldn't believe that she would allow herself to grow soft on those people.

When Eli had been in her care, everything had been much more abstract. Yes, she knew for a fact that he was Thrawn's lover, but she also simply didn't know this man, so to believe that he was innocent in everything was not that difficult. But then the human had been transported off Taivana that day, by his Chiss Admiral, and had of course been accompanied by that one Chiss she had condemned for years. In that moment, everything had become much clearer, and she wondered why she was even bothering giving them this life that she could no longer live, because her lover had been killed.

Eli had been able to tell, and had agreed that they would let each other live in peace, and never contact each other again. That arrangement had worked out just fine, until her curious and inquisitive son had come along and gotten himself into a fine mess just days before. Of course, he had his father's genes, so at some point Hera had to wonder how much Jacen was truly to blame.

She had to steel herself before knocking on the door, and almost changed her mind when it took a minute for it to open.

It did eventually, and she was face to face with the one person she had…

He seemed to be surprised to see them, but not unpleasantly so. In fact, it appeared that he was smiling.

She took in a deep breath and plastered on a smile. 

"Hello. My son and I just wanted to come by and say thank you, for helping him out the other day."

He nodded and that easy smile remained on his lips, making Hera wonder whether she should be smiling, too.

"Of course. It was my pleasure." Then he turned to Jacen, and Hera felt her hold on his small hand tighten even more. There was nothing in Thrawn's appearance that could have told her that he had bad intentions, but she felt she knew better. "Hello there, Jacen. Nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you again, too, Mr. Thrawn."

Jacen smiled at the Chiss and extended his hand, and the man returned the boy’s smile and shook his hand gently. Hera took the time to look at Thrawn better - she hadn’t seen him much, but whenever she had, she had always thought he looked rather stuck-up, in his white Admiral uniform, seemingly with a literal stick in the back of his tunic because he always walked like that. Now, she saw civilian Thrawn, with baggy pants, a loose-fitting shirt, and his hair, almost reaching his shoulders, had not yet been styled. It was about the same length as Kanan's had been, before he had cut it off.

Hera suddenly realized what it was that people felt whenever they came across civilian Hera Syndulla. 

“This is my mother,” Jacen said, enthusiastically, and she looked down at the little boy just as he was looking up, and she saw how much he loved her right in that little, adorable face of his, and how proud he was to be able to call her his mother. 

“I believe we have met,” Thrawn said, his smile still on his lips as he looked back at her. He shook her hand, but she didn’t return it willingly. “If it is alright with your mother, Jacen, I would like to invite you two in for some hot chocolate. I know the weather does not require our beverages to be hot, but I have found that one to be most agreeable with children.”

Jacen chuckled, and he had explained that he found Thrawn’s speech funny, and Hera could see where he was coming from with that. Despite the fact that Thrawn was no longer in a military position, and despite the fact that that stick seemed to have disappeared from his back, his way of talking hadn’t quite gotten the message. 

“Of course,” Hera said, not wanting to be a spoilsport, and Jacen let out an excited ‘yay’ before following Thrawn inside the little house. Hera took in a deep breath, looked out over the endless plains of Lothal, and summoned all the courage she could require. She knew she was being dramatic. She simply couldn’t help it. 

Once inside, Hera got quite a shock. She had expected the stuck-up Grand Admiral Thrawn to keep the inside of his house spic and span, but she found quite a mess - sand dragged in from outside; pillows on the couch not straightened; toys ( _ toys? _ ) strewn across the entire living area; and an apologetic Thrawn looking at her taking in the space. 

“I do apologize, General Syndulla. If I had known you were coming, I would have tidied up.”

“No need to apologize.” She wasn’t sure what to call him, so she didn’t call him anything. He could tell that there were some hostilities in her voice, so he nodded tightly and turned toward the kitchen. 

“Jacen, take a seat on the couch with your mother and I will prepare our beverages.”

Jacen chuckled again and forced his mother down, snuggling into her side. “Told you he speaks funny, Mommy.”

“I never said I didn’t believe you, sweetheart.” She knew exactly the way Thrawn talked. She just hadn’t expected him to  _ still _ talk that way.

Thrawn offered both of them cups of steaming hot chocolate, and Thrawn was right - it did work like magic on children, and Hera had to admit that she found the drink welcoming, too. The two had a pleasant, if not formal conversation, and Hera looked at her son enjoying the chat, able to ask all the questions he hadn’t had the answers too earlier that week.

“So you are married to a man?”

“I am indeed.”

“I have two uncles and they are married to each other. Is he nice?”

“I think I can say that about my husband, yes. I would not have married him otherwise.”

“And why is your skin blue?”

“I am a Chiss.”

“Yes, okay. You said that. Where do Chiss come from? I’ve never heard about them.”

“We come from Csilla. It is an ice planet far away from here.”

“Why do you not live there?”

“Because my husband does not like the cold.”

“I think I can understand that. When Mommy and I lived on Yavin-4, it used to get so cold because of all the forests and it would rain a lot and I didn’t like that because I couldn’t play with my friends or go outside.”

“I can imagine that being unable to play with one’s friends is quite unbearable.”

Jacen nodded. Hera let him go off the rails. She would otherwise have asked him to politely restrain himself, but Thrawn didn’t seem to mind the questions one bit. She had to admit, she rather liked seeing Jacen being this inquisitive, and understood what his teachers (and Luke Skywalker) had often commented about. Once he was off, there was no stopping him.

“But if you’re from an ice planet, don’t you hate how hot it is here?”

“I admit, it took a little while to get used to. But I rather like, what do you call it… tanning?”

Jacen nodded enthusiastically because he had just learned about that the other day from Miss Serec and knew exactly what the man was talking about.

“Mommy says Daddy used to do that a lot!”

Hera’s blood ran cold with those mentions. She had been alright with the boy interacting with Thrawn, but she had preferred to keep her interactions with the Chiss to a minimum and she especially wanted to avoid talking about Kanan altogether. Thrawn knew exactly whose child Jacen was, and just because he hadn’t done anything with that knowledge up until now, it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t do just that in the future. 

“Is that right?” Thrawn asked, looking at Hera as if he too knew what the little boy had sparked within her.

“Yes! She says he used to lie in the sun while he should have been working and that I do that too!”

Hera clutched her cup tightly, sure she would break it in the next second, when Jacen looked up at her again, smiling proudly. She couldn’t stay mad with that adorable little face of his smiling up at her. 

“And where is your Daddy now, Jacen?” Thrawn asked, softly, not a trace of malice in his voice. 

“He is in heaven,” Jacen said honestly, his face saddening just a little. “With Master Luke’s and General Leia’s Mommy. I like to think that they could keep each other company. They never knew their Mommy, and I never knew my Daddy.”

“That is very sad, Jacen. I am sorry you cannot have your Daddy beside you anymore.”

Jacen shrugged. “That’s okay. I have my Mommy.” And for emphasis, he practically threw himself into her arms and kissed her cheeks multiple times.    
Hera broke. She put her cup down, gently disentangled herself from his arms and rushed outside, just in time before her tears spilled onto her cheeks.

Why was everything so much harder without Kanan by her side? He had improved everything immensely and she’d hardly had time to let that idea sink in before he had been torn away from her. She’d thought it would get easier to live with, that she would find it within her heart to give it a little place, and move on. It was just simply impossible. 

“General Syndulla?” she heard beside her, and she turned around, away from the familiar voice, so violently, she was certain she had pulled a muscle somewhere. She rubbed angrily at her face and took in a deep, shuddering breath. 

But then the voice had truly registered in her brain, and she turned back around to face him.

“Commander Vanto.”

He smiled warmly at her, his dark brown hair as much a mess as Thrawn’s had been - no styling gel available on much of Lothal, but it looked good on both - and there were a few more lines on his face, but most of them centered around his eyes. Those were good lines to have - they indicated a lot of laughing, and she would admit, she was showing similar lines. Whereas Thrawn’s hair was sporting some silver ones here and there, Eli’s hair was as dark brown and luscious as the last time they had met, but that had only been three years ago, she had to remind herself. 

He closed the distance between them and held out his hand. She looked at it quizzically, and his smile grew.

“I owe everything to you, General Syndulla,” he said. “I would not have been here if it hadn’t been for you and your team’s efforts to keep me alive. And I would not have had such a wonderful existence if it hadn’t been for your encouraging words.”

“Which were those?”

“To listen to my heart.” His attention was pulled somewhere else, and he looked down with shining eyes, and as a result, so did Hera.

Her heart warmed. She realized instantly that she had judged the entire situation wrongly. She had assumed Thrawn still had that same evil streak inside him that he had seemingly been unable to shake during his time with the Empire, but it seemed that he was truly a changed man, because nothing short of a good and honest man could possibly have taken care of these two living beings in front of her and allow those beautiful smiles to stay on their faces.

Eli lifted the little girl (she couldn’t be much younger than Jacen was, just a few years) into his arm, her blue skin vibrant in the hot, midday Lothal sun, and she clung to her father’s neck tightly.

Well, she assumed this was her father. She could very well be Thrawn’s little cousin, for all Hera knew.

“Thabilla, this is General Syndulla. Remember when I told you about her?”

The little girl nodded, in quite the same way Jacen did, and the two looked at each other intently for a few seconds. It was sure true what they said about kids - they could see into your very soul without much trouble. “General Syndulla, this is Mitth’abi’llasi, my…  _ our _ daughter.” After a little pause that Eli somehow made even more awkward, he added, “me and Thrawn’s.”

Hera took some time to register those words, although she had already felt them in her heart to be true. She had sent Eli off to live the rest of his life, but neither of them could have expected to find him in this spot three years down the line. 

“Nice to meet you, Thabilla,” Hera said, extending her hand for the little girl to shake. The girl in her turn just seemed awed by Hera’s appearance - the woman knew there weren’t a lot of Twi’leki women on Lothal, and especially not in the areas where this little girl could be found (much to Hera’s dismay, because she would like Twi’leks to be better represented).

“Are you a Twi’lek?” Thabilla asked, a tiny hand fisting the fabric of her father’s shirt almost too tightly. She was awed, but suspicious, and she probably should be. If Hera had come across her on her own, she would definitely have made the wrong assumptions. Not all Chiss were bad - not all Jedi were good.

“That’s right.”

“Are you Jacen’s Mommy?”

Hera nodded, her heart clenching just a little bit at that mention. She was incredibly proud to be Jacen’s mother, but to hear those words from a little girl she had barely met, who just so happened to be the daughter of the person she had considered her biggest enemy, it felt rather odd. 

“Why is Jacen not a Twi’lek, then?”

“Peanut, I don’t think that we can ask General Syndulla those kinds of questions,” Eli said quietly, burying most of his face into the luscious blue-black locks, but not enough to muffle the words. 

“It’s okay, Commander Vanto,” Hera said, suddenly realizing they were both still using their military titles even though she had mostly resigned from those duties, and the man had ditched them altogether. It felt comfortable, she guessed. “I am Jacen’s Mommy, but his Daddy was a human.”

Thabilla’s eyes widened, the deep red glow intensified. Hera was intrigued by those eyes - she had met a lot of aliens in her lifetime but most of them had had eyes similar to her own. 

“Hey! Just like me! My Daddy is a human, too!”

Hera nodded with a smile. “Exactly. You’re lucky to have two nice daddies.”

She found she was only feigning it a little bit - she found Eli an agreeable man, Thrawn not so much; she felt she had every reason not to find Thrawn agreeable - he had tortured her and threatened not only her but also her family and friends; but, if the human could be with the Chiss, then Hera supposed, there must be something in him that was agreeable, too. Perhaps it was being a father, after all.

“I have a Daddy and a Papa. My Papa is inside making hot choco!”

Eli nodded and put the little girl down, whispering something in her ear and then ushering her back inside the house. Hera could faintly hear her outing her enthusiasm towards Thrawn and her own little one once she arrived there, while the two adults outside looked at each other in silence.

“I listened to my heart, Hera Syndulla, and it was the best thing I have done all my life. I recognize your feelings towards Thrawn, I can understand them. He hasn’t always been like this, I know he’s been cruel in the past. And I’m not expecting you to ever forgive him. In fact, I know you probably won’t. But if you give him just a few minutes of your time, you will see that he is a changed man, and that your son is completely safe while in his care. I promise you, Thrawn wouldn’t let anything happen to his own child, let alone someone else’s.”

‘Except,’ Hera thought, ‘he very much did work hard to get rid of all of them, and they were someone’s child.’ But she could tell the sincerity in Eli’s words, could see how much he was trying to right the wrongs that had been made in the past. There had been too many wrongs put upon them that Hera was certain she could never forgive Thrawn for any of them, but she guessed she could give Eli the benefit of the doubt and at least sit down for some hot chocolate.

Jacen smiled warmly at her as she entered the little shack, and he moved her cup of the warm beverage closer to the edge, as if to indicate that it was getting cold - she had no doubt that he would finish it for her if she forgot it. She also saw Thabilla in Thrawn’s lap, the man carefully handing the girl her cup, making sure she didn’t spill anything. The little girl was too enthusiastic, her hair flying all around her head and repeatedly hitting Thrawn’s face, but his eyes only seemed to soften as his hands held onto her a little tighter to ensure she didn’t fall off his lap.

Eli stood beside Hera, his arms crossed. He looked at her. Then joined his husband on the couch.

Hera looked at Jacen, who was smiling in wonder at his cup of hot chocolate, and who seemed to be completely in his element in this company. Jacen had always been an excellent judge of character, like his father before him, and if he liked Thrawn and Eli, Hera supposed she could start to see them in a friendlier light. 

She joined him on the couch and Jacen smiled up at her, before snuggling into her side.

"Mommy, I was just telling Mr. Thrawn about the project I did about Ryloth!" He turned back towards the two men. "I asked pépé Cham to come to my school and he told us soooo many cool stuffs and it was  _ awesome _ ."

"Your pépé Cham sounds very nice, Jacen," Thrawn said, smiling gently at Jacen and encouraging the little boy to keep on talking about whatever it was he was excited to share with them. There were a few more questions that Jacen simply had to ask, and Thrawn seemed to enjoy answering them, his face showing how amused he was by the (mostly) innocent questions coming from Jacen.

Eventually, it was time to leave, or at least, Hera decided it was. She still had a lot of work to do, and it was getting quite late. Jacen had been playing with Thabilla for a bit and the adults had simply watched and talked a little. Hera wasn’t sure what to talk about with these men, but she felt she would get there eventually. At one point, Jacen had hit his knee, and before Hera had been able to get to him, Thrawn was kneeling beside him and offering him comfort. Thabilla, while on the boy’s other side, did the same thing, no doubt copying her father. 

There didn’t seem to be a bad bone left in that Chiss. Hera still had to get used to that. She didn’t quite believe that people changed completely, but it appeared as if getting together with Eli Vanto had changed Mitth’raw’nuruodo into a big softie, with his heart in the right place.

When she and Jacen were leaving the little house, they both thanked the couple and were on their way to go back home, when Hera turned around - right before the men could fully close the door.

“Hey, uh… would you be willing to come over for dinner sometime?” she asked them, unsure where the question had come from. The two men looked at her for a moment, then at each other, and eventually looked back at her with matching smiles on their faces.

“We would love that, thank you.”

Jacen held her hand tightly and couldn’t stop talking about their new friends all the way home. Hera felt pride in her chest - and not the pride she imagined Kanan would show her if he was there. Because he wasn’t.

No. She was proud of  _ herself _ . She hadn’t always been kind in the past either, and she had been granted a second chance. Mitth’raw’nuruodo and Eli Vanto deserved a second chance, too.

In any case, Jacen Syndulla seemed to really like them. And much like his father, he always picked the nicest and most talented people to be around. 


	19. Bonus Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically the entire story again, but from Thrawn's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: it gets a little depressive in there. I wasn't feeling too hot while reading this and I think it shows, lol. And it's LONG. But then again, the summary warned you about that; it's basically the entire story again but then from Thrawn's POV. No false advertising here, loves.  
> Also, I could have published this in parts but I felt like it deserved to be read as a whole.

No one could ever really know what their destiny was in life.

One could try to manipulate it, sculpt it to their own convenience, but life often had its way of showing exactly just how strong  _ destiny _ was.

No one had tried to change it more than Mitth’raw’nuruodo. He had always thought he was quite good at it, charming his way into situations nobody could have ever pictured him being capable of reaching. People had underestimated him plenty, but luckily, he wasn’t cursed with such a limited view of his own competence. 

Yet even the great and mighty Grand Admiral Thrawn had to admit defeat - he was just one of those suckers who thought they could change the course of time, that they could change what was already set firmly into stone. 

He had known this as soon as he had told Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto of his plan to save his people from imminent danger that they would never protect themselves from until it was too late. He had wrecked his brain for days trying to find another possibility, but a part of him had known this was their best bet -  _ Eli _ was their best bet. The human had started to mean to Csilla what the human had meant to Thrawn.

Thrawn had spent a little over a week in solitude in his quarters, staring at the wall at some times, getting lost in alcoholic beverages humans loved so much at other times. He had even spent much of an afternoon face planted on his bed, muffling the sounds he made crying into the mattress even to his own ears.

It was the best course of action. It was Eli’s destiny, as it were. But if that was the case, why did his heart hurt so much all the kriffing time? 

~...~

One of the greatest mistakes a warrior or military man could make was to overestimate their own capabilities. Thrawn had always thought he had a pretty good idea of his own strength and weaknesses, and it had been often proven by the fact that he rarely, if ever, lost his battles. He was always one step ahead of people. 

But Thrawn knew, to any rule, there always existed one exception. He had always managed to avoid those, taking in multiple sides to a situation and anticipating every outcome - but it appeared that Ezra Bridger, boy Jedi, was an exception that was unexpected, even to Thrawn. 

The boy had been predictable, right up to the moment where he wasn’t, and as Thrawn was grasping around himself for a way out of this situation, to get back in the game and return to his place on top, the boy had taken advantage of Thrawn’s surprise and had fully turned the cards towards himself. Thrawn hadn’t anticipated that the young man would sacrifice himself for the safety of his home planet, and that had been the situation Thrawn had least expected.

In a way, Thrawn was almost impressed. There had only ever been one being, sentient or otherwise, who had managed to surprise the Chiss, and he was, well…

He saw the tentacles of the purgills light up, and he was vaguely aware of something he had read about the animals in his Academy time, but brushing it aside as being folklore tales. He realized that they were preparing to jump into hyperspace, and he looked at the cockpit window, shattered into tiny pieces. If they jumped now, everyone aboard would be exposed to the cold vacuum of space, and they would meet another exception - even Grand Admiral Thrawn couldn’t survive that.

He closed his eyes and gave up the struggle. If he were to die now… no, he knew he  _ would _ die… He couldn’t stop where his train of thought went to, and for the first time in minutes, he wasn’t left surprised at what his mind was making him remember.

Eli. Beautiful, intelligent, fierce, loyal Eli Vanto. The human had been such a rare surprise, and when they had first met, it was obvious Eli wanted to be anywhere but there. He had been forced into being Thrawn’s aide, and the Chiss had felt so bad for him that he had planned on resigning his position, giving up the mission that he had started for the Ascendancy, but he couldn’t look at Eli like that, couldn’t see the contempt and irritation on the young man’s face. It didn’t matter that Thrawn had asked for that himself, had invited Eli to dislike him, openly so, to help preserve the human’s standing in the Navy. 

But Eli wouldn’t. He could have hated Thrawn, but instead, he had dedicated his service to the Chiss, helping him translate, maneuver his way around the Empire, and had done so much more than he had to. Thrawn wasn’t sure when he had started regarding his aide as a friend, but he had been glad that amidst all the people who hated his presence, there was at least one human who didn’t mind him very much. 

Yet then, everything had changed, which had been one of many surprises regarding Eli Vanto. One day, both of them had had enough of the charade, and Eli had crossed the distance between them, grabbed hold of the lapels of Thrawn’s uniform, and had planted those gorgeous lips on the Chiss’. Or was it the other way around? Thrawn remembered it only vaguely, but purely because his brain had overloaded with love and he had been incapable of any thought whatsoever.

He cursed himself, and the universe a little, too. They could have had so much more time, if he had just been honest with himself and Eli and had given in to his feelings. He regretted so much; a few tiny regrets in the form of not asking Eli to stay with him in his bed after a night of passionate lovemaking, or stealing more kisses from the human when he was sure nobody was looking, or even applying for shore leave simultaneously, so that they could spend all of their time together and not have to worry about a thing. 

But what he regretted the most, without a shadow of a doubt, was not fighting for their relationship, or whatever it could be called. He knew destiny, he knew he couldn’t change it - but honestly,  _ fuck _ destiny, he should have been with Eli Vanto now, perhaps taking up farming on some deserted, isolated patch of land on some Force forsaken planet in Wild Space and just  _ be _ with him, love him, kiss him, hold him to his chest until everything smelled of the human. He should have held him a little longer, kissed him a little more. Should have made him smile above all else. 

He took in a deep breath, and felt the purgill prepare their trip. 

He wished he could have seen Eli one more time. Could have heard his voice, that adorable and  _ sexy _ Wild Space drawl that had never sounded so appealing on anybody else. He focused all his attention on that, on the perfect little human that he’d had the pleasure of knowing, trusting and  _ loving _ , even if their time together was short. 

“I love you, Eli,” the whispered words were torn from his lips before he could stop them, and realized he hadn’t even gotten to his biggest regret yet - not telling Eli exactly those words. Because the human deserved them, but now he would never get to say them ever again. Fuck this wretched galaxy and all of its inhabitants, save one. Surely, they deserved so much more than this? Surely, after all that Eli and Thrawn had been through, together, they deserved a happy en-

And then, everything was silent. 

~...~

He wasn’t sure how long he had been gone, but he was well aware that he hadn’t expected to wake up again. 

He gave his head a little time to get used to the idea, because apparently, that was the reality he had found himself in. He could clearly sense wounds on his head, his brain throbbing, but the durasteel beneath him served as more of an anchor - apparently, he was still alive. He wasn’t sure how. 

He looked around him, and saw most of the crewers that had still been on the ship scattered around the bridge, most evidently deceased, some squirming under their injuries. He took in a deep breath and got up, brushing dust and pieces of glass off of his uniform. 

The boy was sitting not far away from Thrawn, kneeling, hands resting on his knees. It looked like he was meditating. 

“We can’t stay here long,” he said, as if he had noticed Thrawn looking at him. Not long after, Ezra Bridger opened his eyes and looked directly into Thrawn’s, confirming the Chiss’ theory. 

Much after that was an honest blur, survival the main theme of their... expeditions. It was a state of mind that was unfamiliar to the Grand Admiral, as he had always come prepared and always knew every outcome going into a battle. He was glad Ezra Bridger and Karyn Faro were of sound mind, or else he would have died in the  _ Chimaera _ , waiting to be rescued by a force that didn't even know that they had survived. 

His mind was clear enough for him to try and self-diagnose, certain that he had suffered brain damage in the crash. Despite his best efforts, he simply wouldn't bring himself to think quite the same way as he had all those years being in the Navy. 

His diagnosis was incomplete, he had to admit with a sigh of resignation. 

He felt himself unable to stay with the others when they had found a safe place to stay, on some uncharted arboreal planet, a week or so after their rather fatal trip with the purgill. Ezra Bridger had seemingly kept an eye on Thrawn but the Chiss couldn't really be bothered to comment on the fact.

Every day dragged on forever. He sat against a tree for hours, contemplating all the things that had gone so horribly wrong, and not just in the past few weeks. He had willingly allowed the Ascendancy to exile him, for the greater good of not just them, but Csilla and the entire Chiss race, had infiltrated the Imperial ranks and had rather enjoyed his time there, too - but he suddenly wondered whether he shouldn't have just stayed with the CEDF, where he had been almost naively content with his existence, without all the drama of these strong military forces pushing upon him.

But then… he wouldn't have met…

Ezra Bridger had decided to build both of them a house, even though he didn't know how to do so. The young man took up the task of conversing with the Chiss, where nobody else dared to, forcing him out of his loneliness. 

One evening, when Thrawn's makeshift hut had been finished and Ezra Bridger's was getting there, they sat at a riverbank close by and watched the sun disappear behind the tall trees.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Thrawn felt a surge of  _ something _ coursing through his veins at being addressed in that way. It had been a while, and he liked the familiarity, even if Ezra Bridger had not done this before. "Granted."

"I think you're depressed."

In any other situation, Thrawn would have denied this valiantly, and offered several pieces of evidence pointing to the contrary, but after thinking about it further, he could only come up with one answer.

"Yes. I suppose you are right."

Chiss didn't get mental illnesses, but perhaps they simply never admitted to it. It sounded like them.

So much just clicked after that moment. 

~...~

Thrawn knew he had to keep busy, to distract himself from all the things that were dragging him down, but it got increasingly harder. He took up some projects but most of them were finished within a week, maybe two, and he would be left thinking about his next project. 

He sat at the riverbank often, looking up at the sky, hoping that the Empire had finally realized that they were still alive and had found them. 

Eventually, Thrawn once again had to accept something he didn't often do: defeat. The Empire was not looking for them, they didn't care. Frankly, Thrawn wasn't that surprised, considering they had hated him from the moment he had been accepted into the Imperial Academy as a lieutenant, and that had never really left. Yet he had hoped they would show mercy to his crew; they hadn't done anything wrong except follow his direct orders. They didn't deserve this exile.

~...~

The weeks turned into months, and then years, and Thrawn's mental health didn't improve during that time - he hadn't expected it to, either, not when the one thing that could have fixed it was well out of his reach. 

Ezra Bridger was a great, albeit unexpected support. Thrawn had never sought out counseling in any way, shape or form, but he knew some of his human colleagues in the Navy had - and in no way could their conversations together be considered counseling, but it still helped.

"I keep thinking about all the things I get to come home to. You know, when it gets a little harder." Ezra Bridger was surprisingly open about everything, probably because he realized that it didn't even matter anymore, and there was no point keeping secrets. "I've been alone since I was nine, but I've found a new family in the Ghost and I'm incredibly thankful to have them. Well… you know what I mean. I look forward to reuniting with them, if we ever get so lucky to be found. I even miss Zeb, believe it or not, even if he was the worst roommate ever. And Chopper." He chuckled at some memory. "I even miss Chopper."

They were silent after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts, when the young man spoke again. 

"What about you? Do you have someone to come home to?"

The suddenness of that question, paired with his continued declining mental health, made it so that Thrawn had to get up abruptly and walk a bit. He was still a Chiss, and they rarely showed their emotions, good or bad. 

When he returned, Ezra Bridger was sitting in the same spot as when Thrawn had left, and watched as the Chiss sat down beside him again.

"I wish I had someone to come home to. Yet I am aware that I have burned most of my bridges, so to speak."

"Isn't there someone you love out there who would be incredibly happy to see you again?"

Thrawn felt his heartstrings being tightened before he even managed to think about that question further. 

There were some people he cared about, fewer that he loved, but he knew they wouldn't welcome him with open arms. Thrass would probably hit him in the chest and then scold him; other Chiss he had worked with and considered allies would raise their brows at him; and Eli… Thrawn didn't even know what Eli would do if he saw Thrawn again. He would have every reason to shoot him on the spot, and Thrawn had no reason to believe that Eli would do anything  _ but _ shoot him. 

Thrawn had blown their previous reunion big time, and his words still echoed through his mind. Granted, he couldn't very much have thrown himself at the human and kiss him as passionately as he had done before, but something more personal than 'Good day, Lieutenant Vanto' would have been acceptable. 

"No."

Ezra Bridger seemed sad at that answer, but didn't press it further. 

"There's this girl I've known for a while," he started, "and she's incredibly cool and gorgeous and I've fantasized about being with her, a lot… like, too much to be normal, I guess? And I wish I would have told her my feelings for her earlier, because I wouldn't feel like such a stupid bantha for keeping that to myself, but then I think about what I might say when I see her again, and I just get so… happy, you know?"

Despite everything, Thrawn knew exactly what the young man was talking about. The Chiss had spent many evenings in his bed on this planet imagining what a reunion with Eli would be like. He was certain he would do things differently, would smile at the human, call him by his first name-

But that was if Eli was still open to that. Thrawn had no way of knowing. For all he knew, Eli had found another Chiss who was not quite as demanding and overbearing and  _ controlling  _ as Thrawn was. That thought pulled heavily on his heart - he couldn't bear the idea. But then he wanted Eli to be happy above all else, and if that meant moving on from him with another man who  _ could _ make him very happy, then he had to accept that.

"There is a human," Thrawn whispered, then coughed to clear his throat and continued, this time louder, as he explained to Ezra Bridger just how much Eli Vanto meant to him.

~...~

Thrawn had realized long ago that the Empire was no longer looking for them. The act of sitting on the riverbank and looking at the clear blue sky was not a habit that was easy to shake, however.

He entertained different thoughts nowadays. About a CEDF shuttle showing up out of nowhere and landing right in front of Thrawn, the cargo door lowering and the handsomest human being walking down the ramp, hand through his hair, smile on his lips. He would whisk Thrawn away, save the  _ Chimaera's _ crew and be the hero of the day.

Thrawn laid back and took in a deep breath. He knew it was just a fantasy at this point, but it got him through the day, and it was all he could do from preventing himself to spiral even further down.

Ezra Bridger had found a comfortable position between the settlement of the crew and Thrawn, checking up on the Chiss once a day to make sure he was still doing alright, considering the circumstances. 

It was the oddest thing to be talking to the young Rebel so openly, as Thrawn had once cursed Ezra Bridger for always trying to thwart his plans and for getting them in this, as Eli would call it,  _ bantha fodder _ . But Ezra was a good listener and an equally great talker and again, it was something to fill the day. Thrawn almost looked forward to their talks. 

Today was different. Ezra would usually stroll up to the Chiss' hut casually, at much the same time, carrying some fruit, vegetables or even meat, if the hunt had been lucky, before sharing it with Thrawn. 

Today, he practically ran towards Thrawn, bearing no food but instead carrying a frantic face.

"They're coming!"

It took Thrawn a considerable time to realize what it was that Ezra was saying, but when he put two and two together, the young man was already saying something else.

"I had a Jedi vision, haven't had those in a  _ while _ , but I focused and I saw Sabine! And she's on her way, and she's with Ahsoka, and together they're smart enough to put the pieces together! We'll be saved in no time, Thrawn!"

The Chiss felt happy that the boy's friends were on their way, and happy about the prospect of being saved from this planet after so long. There wasn't even a hint of jealousy as Thrawn had expected at first, realizing only Ezra's friends had come to the rescue - Thrawn didn't have any friends, so there was no one to come save him. He knew that much.

"That is wonderful news, Ezra."

"We'll be saved, Thrawn!"

"You will, indeed."

Ezra immediately sobered up at that. Perhaps the boy had expected Thrawn to be happier at the news, but the Chiss had always been awful at faking emotions he wasn't feeling, and he was still realistic about the situation. 

"What do you mean?  _ You _ will be saved, too."

"I very much doubt that, Ezra."

Ezra frowned. "I don't understand."

"That is alright. I have made your lives a living hell, and I am conscious of that. I doubt your friends will accept me on their shuttle, even if you put in, as they say, a good word for me."

"I'm sure they will forgive you."

"I do not deserve their forgiveness, Ezra. I will not accept it."

"There's nothing to accept or refuse. You will come with us, and that's final."

Thrawn didn't have the heart to prove the boy that he was wrong. Just as Ezra didn't have the heart to tell the Chiss that one certain human was on board the shuttle, too.

~...~

It took a considerable amount of time before the shuttle showed up, and even then, they had not seen it land. Ezra seemed hyper aware of the fact that one had landed and that their rescue team was currently strolling through the thick forests around them.

Thrawn sat in his hut and didn't even really think about anything. What was left to think about? He had driven himself into a deep proverbial pit these past few years with his negative and otherwise pessimistic thoughts, and thinking about the fact that he was so close to being rescued, yet so far away, wouldn't make him feel any better.

His thoughts drifted towards Eli once more, something that hadn't happened often lately. He had found that some aspects of Eli had slipped from his memory over time, like the way Eli used to fake a Core accent to get by easier, or the way he used to hum at his favorite dish, prepared by Thrawn. He had to work his mind properly to keep them in his memory palace. Some things would never leave him, however - the way those lips felt underneath his, the way Eli smelled, and the adorable way the human practically disappeared in Thrawn's arms when they cuddled, late at night, in the Chiss' private quarters.

He missed Eli incredibly, and the feeling had never really lessened over time, only grown more intense. He would have been able to deal with his mental health, if only the human had been there for moral support. Then again, if Eli were present during these years, he probably wouldn't have spiraled down in the first place.

He sighed and rubbed his chest, as if trying to get rid of the empty feeling there where his heart had once been. He had read countless novels over the years, and had always found humans to be so dramatic about their love affairs, but he had never really loved as dramatically as he loved Eli Vanto - with every atom in his soul. He understood all the metaphors now. He would never again roll his eyes at that kind of material.

He wondered what would happen now that Ezra, and hopefully the crew of the  _ Chimaera _ , would be escorted safely off of this planet. Thrawn wondered, too, what he would be doing with that loneliness - aside from the insistent alien beings that aided them wherever they could, he would be terribly alone.

Well, he had been alone before. He hadn't dealt well with it, but that was beside the point.

He heard footsteps coming closer and braced himself, preparing to face the people who might want him dead more than anyone else in this galaxy. He opened the door, stepped outside, and-

_ Kriff _ . He forgot how to breathe. 

This wasn't possible. It simply wasn't. This was just a pleasant dream, concocted by his depressed brain, to get him through another uneventful day, yet at the same time remind him exactly of what he could have had.

He wasn't prepared for this, he hadn't thought of what to say, but yet here he was, Eli Vanto, looking so perfect in his black CEDF uniform, the sun shining on his face in just the right angle… looking directly at him, a brow raised. Thrawn panicked. 

"Commander Vanto."

_ Fuck _ ! He'd done it again! He saw the hopeful expression on Eli's face crumble, as he too retreated back into formality. 

Fuck. Thrawn had definitely ruined everything now. What had happened to calling Eli by his first name? Smiling at the human, showing him exactly how much he meant to Thrawn? 

"Admiral Thrawn."

The Chiss was ready for the ground underneath him to swallow him whole. He wanted nothing more than to run towards Eli, wrap his arms around the human and never let go, but now he knew Eli would never allow him. His throat closed up with unshed tears, and yet he couldn't stop himself from looking at the other.

Well, that was until he saw the Mandalorian Rebel Sabine Wren raise a blaster towards Thrawn, and he inevitably had to tear his eyes from the man he loved towards the new threat.

Just another surprise in a long list of them, although he had to admit, Sabine Wren wanting to shoot him wasn't that surprising after all. She was a Mandalorian - she was bound to have anger management issues, but he had indirectly killed Kanan Jarrus and he had been a vital character in their makeshift band of rebels. Arynda Pryce had been the one who was ultimately responsible for the Jedi's death, but Thrawn in his turn was responsible for Pryce's actions. 

He would be angry too if someone had killed Eli Vanto the same way the Jedi had been killed, and angry was a rather gross understatement. 

Thrawn made up his mind right there. With nothing left in this world but this isolated planet and his screwed up mind, he wasn't sure he would be too sad if he died right here and now. If it would make Sabine Wren feel better, he would allow her to shoot him. 

He just wished Eli didn't have to be here to watch. 

Yet then, another surprise: Eli moved in between the rebels and Thrawn, blocking the Chiss from any future blaster fire. Thrawn's heart started racing uncomfortably in his chest - no _ , no _ , Eli couldn't do this, he couldn't catch this bullet for Thrawn. The human had so much more to live for and Thrawn was willing to die - he couldn't allow the man he loved to do this, simply couldn't. 

Yet before Thrawn could switch their positions, his thoughts were rudely interrupted by a loud shot, and almost instantly, Eli dropped to the floor.

Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion. Thrawn didn't know what to do. He tried to move forward but his feet seemed nailed to the ground, and he tried to say something, but when he opened his lips, only a loud scream was torn from them.

Eli. No. No no no. Not Eli.  _ Please, not him! _

Thrawn finally tore himself from the place where he had been standing and dropped beside the human, seeing those beautiful brown eyes opened only slightly, looking up at him. 

So this was it. This was how Thrawn would die. His heart would simply give out after holding the love of his life in his arms, watching the life slowly dripping out of the human. He couldn't stand it, could hardly breathe, but he couldn't let go of Eli, either.

He vaguely noticed that he was crying, still such a rare occurrence to the Chiss, but didn't give a flying fuck who saw his tears. He had practically died already. Who gave a shit about seeing a dead man's tears.

He brushed a brown curl from Eli's forehead, the human long lost in unconsciousness or worse, he couldn't be sure. He leaned down and whispered everything he should have told the human before, in Cheunh, so the others wouldn't hear. These words were only reserved for Eli Vanto.

" _ I love you, my sweet. I love you so much. I'm so sorry, for everything." _ He took in a deep breath, but it did little to dissuade the terrible pain in his chest. He could barely function anymore, let alone talk. He held onto Eli tighter. "Eli…"

The Togruta female that hadn't been introduced to Thrawn knelt beside him, putting her hand on Eli's chest. Thrawn felt angry at first, this stranger touching Eli, but something was telling him that the woman could be trusted.

"He still has a pulse," she said, quietly but firmly. "We need to get him help as soon as possible."

Thrawn knew help was too far out, and they didn't have enough medical supplies - they had been painfully reminded of that fact when several crew members, already dangerously injured after the trip with the purgills and the ensuing crash, had slowly started getting worse until they had died for lack of medical attention.

Thrawn choked back a sob. If Eli wasn't dead now, he would be dead soon. They had no way of treating his wounds.

"I'm Ahsoka," the woman whispered, looking up briefly at Thrawn. He looked into her eyes and it suddenly clicked - of course; Ahsoka Tano, the prodigal apprentice of Anakin Skywalker, who had vanished into thin air many years ago. Thrawn had heard rumors of the Emperor trying to track her down but with no luck. A previous version of Thrawn would have tried his best to capture any being who posed a threat to the Empire.

But that was then. Now, he had no ties except perhaps House Mitth, and maybe, hopefully, the man currently in his arms.

"I can't…" Thrawn started, but he didn't know how to finish that sentence. Couldn't what? Help Eli? Lose Eli? Accept  _ their _ help? 

"I know. Commander Vanto is an exceptional man and I will try my best to save him."

Thrawn let a sob escape then, he couldn't help it. 

Ezra Bridger joined too, and the two looked at each other, before Ahsoka Tano nodded and they placed their hands tentatively on Eli's chest. Immediately, Thrawn saw some color return to the human's skin, having been deadly pale as opposed to his normally pleasant tan skin, and the frown on his face lessened a little.

"I didn't know we could do that," Ezra said, worry in his voice, but determination, too. 

"Neither did I," Ahsoka Tano said. She looked back at Thrawn. "This is just temporary, we need to get him medical help fast. Anyone in the settlement who could help?"

Thrawn had honestly no idea, he hadn't seen most of the crew members in ages, purposely avoiding them, as they did him. He still had respect for them, but they were always in danger if they were associated with him.

"Yes," Ezra answered in his stead. "Limited, but they're our best bet."

"Right, then we need to get the commander to the others as so-"

Thrawn was already lifting Eli up in his arms, standing up on weak legs. He would do whatever it took to save Eli Vanto, even if the human wouldn't have him anymore. He didn't deserve to die like this.

~...~

Thrawn kept watch over Eli the entire time, not seeing the need in being anywhere else. He took strength from hearing the soft but present breathing, the man's heart beating under Thrawn's hand whenever he felt he needed to double check it was still there. Thrawn enjoyed this while it lasted, because he wasn’t sure what would happen if the human woke up. 

No.  _ When _ he woke up. He had to have faith, no matter what the situation would be when he did. Eli had to survive. He deserved to live a long and healthy life, with the person of his choosing, and be happy and enjoy life to its fullest.

Eli had tried to come to a couple of times, but he was still too weak to properly regain consciousness. Thrawn tried to make the human as comfortable as possible, while also giving him space if he wanted it. 

Sabine Wren came to apologize, entirely unnecessarily. She hadn't really meant to shoot Eli, Thrawn knew that, but she was angry and in pain and Thrawn understood what that felt like. He still wished she would have shot him and not Eli, but the human had made that rather difficult by practically throwing himself in front of that blaster bolt.

But Thrawn had once again been forced to face the consequences of his actions. There was something to be said about following orders, as much of Thrawn's had come from the Emperor, but he was still personally responsible for what he had done. He couldn't hide behind following orders, because he could well have refused to follow them, even if that would have ended in his execution, most likely. 

Sabine Wren wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was obvious how much Kanan Jarrus' death still hurt her. Thrawn wished things could have been different, but he had yet to acquire the skill of altering the past. After his chat with the young rebel, however, he had had many more revelations. 

Eli squirmed and Thrawn was torn from his thoughts. His focus was entirely on the human before him, holding on to his hand, letting him know that he was not alone.

“Eli? Are you awake, Eli?"

The human didn’t respond, aside from some occasional moans as he again tried to battle the unconsciousness. 

Brown eyes opened slowly but surely, and Thrawn felt relief flood through him. They looked clear enough, and they even widened slightly as they landed on the Chiss.

“Thr-“

“Don’t say anything. Save your strength.”

Thrawn looked at the human as he adjusted to this environment, but then Thrawn was left surprised when he felt a slight tugging on his hand, and felt himself being pulled into the bed. His heart soared way up high - did Eli really still desire him? Was he really inviting Thrawn into his bed? He couldn’t believe this.

He sighed in even more relief when his arms closed around the human, and he felt tears building up in his eyes again. 

Kriff. He did not deserve this. He had been horrible to everyone, including Eli.  _ Especially _ Eli _.  _ He didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness. 

But if Eli offered it, if the human could find it in himself to forgive him, then Thrawn would take that with both hands. 

He felt a tear run down his cheek. How had he been blessed with such an amazing being by his side? How had Eli been created and appeared in his life, why had the human dedicated his life to this unknown Chiss? Thrawn had no way of learning the answers to those questions, but with Eli in his arms like this, he wasn't sure he wanted to spend too much time finding it. 

And he guessed, if he still had the right to call it that… he realized that this was what true love must feel like. Because Eli didn't  _ have _ to forgive Thrawn, in fact, it was much easier not to and move on with his life. Yet the human had chosen to do the opposite. 

"Sleep," Thrawn whispered, resting his chin on the top of Eli's head. "You will feel better."

"Thrawn…" Eli sounded so uncharacteristically weak. People often underestimated Eli Vanto, completely unreasonably, because the man was the strongest, smartest, most loyal person Thrawn had ever known. Eli was kind, but he wouldn’t allow people to walk all over him, and he would always stand up for the people he loved or cared about.

Thrawn pressed a kiss into Eli’s hair. “I will stay right here, Eli. Just sleep.”

He would protect Eli against every evil that would dare to hurt him, even if he would die trying. Eli deserved that much. He had spent a lot of years protecting others - now, the human deserved to have the favor returned.

Thrawn looked down at Eli as the human drifted back into unconsciousness, once again revelling at just how beautiful he was, how perfect his brows looked, how his lips were perfectly curled into a lazy smile. He waited until he was mostly certain that Eli was asleep before whispering to him in Sy Bisti.

“I have you now, my sweet. I will never let you go again.”

When Eli’s smile widened, Thrawn realized that the human wasn’t asleep after all. In the end, Thrawn didn’t really mind that he had heard.

~...~

Thrawn had been living on love and ecstasy and hope and glee since it had become obvious Eli would still have him, but he should have known that that wouldn’t last. Nothing good in his life was ever meant to last, which was why he hadn’t bothered starting relationships anymore, because they would inevitably end in heartache. Eli had been an exception to that rule, like he had been an exception for most rules in Thrawn’s life. 

Eli’s body temperature rose, and despite the fact that Thrawn didn’t know that much about human biology, he did know that fevers, which is what this was, were usually not good, especially not after an injury. He put his hand to Eli’s forehead and the hot skin almost burned Thrawn’s hand, and he pulled back quickly. Kriff. Why couldn’t they just be happy for once? Why did the universe always throw something horrible at them? 

Eli was struggling against unconsciousness once more, his eyes fluttering open, but as soon as they were aimed at Thrawn, the Chiss knew they weren’t really seeing properly. 

“You’re burning up, Eli.” When the human didn’t respond, not even with a frown, or a smile, or a fluttering of his eyelids, Thrawn’s panic only increased tenfold. “Eli?”

It was obvious Eli was there but not very much present. Thrawn pressed his hand against the human’s forehead again, didn’t know what else to do. 

“Eli? Are you okay? Eli, please talk to me.”

No response. Fuck! Was this how it would be? They had gone through all of this for Eli to die like this? Dishonorably, of a fever? Thrawn held onto Eli’s hand, but then he was forcefully pushed aside by the human, and for just a second Thrawn wondered if the human was really mostly okay, but then Eli threw up over the edge of the bed, and Thrawn knew, despite his limited knowledge of human biology, that this was definitely not okay. He wanted to get up now, get help, but he also didn’t want to leave Eli alone like this.

Thrawn pushed the human back onto the bed and brushed his damp hair out of his face. 

“Stay with me, Eli. We will get you help, but just stay with me.”

Eli didn’t hear. He seemed to be someplace else entirely, and Thrawn finally stopped the battle against his tears. He didn’t want it to go down like this. He wanted more time with Eli, wanted to whisper words of love to him at night, kiss him whenever he wanted, grow old together. He wanted to be with Eli for as long as they could, but he wouldn’t accept it if that ended today. 

The human whispered something, but Thrawn wasn’t focused enough to realize that it was not Basic, and when he had finally realized what it was the human was saying, he flat-out sobbed. “I love you,” is what Eli had whispered, in Cheunh, words Thrawn had never taught him, and very much doubted any other Chiss had taught him, either. This wonderful human  _ loved _ him. And this wonderful human was incredibly sick. 

Thrawn put their foreheads together. 

“I love you, too, Eli.”

Then, Eli passed out in his arms. And Thrawn let out a cry while getting up and struggling out of the house, his knees giving up and his vision blurring with hot tears.

He could  _ not _ lose Eli Vanto. But it seemed, that was exactly what the universe was throwing at him.

Well, then the rebels might as well shoot him on the spot. Because a galaxy without Eli Vanto was a galaxy Thrawn did not want to live in.

~...~

Thrawn had tried to grasp at any little sliver of hope, anything that could ensure that Eli would live, no matter what the outcome would be. Eli simply couldn’t die, he deserved so much more than such a meaningless death on some faraway planet, but the situation had long ago slipped out of Thrawn’s control, and he didn’t know how to deal with that.

The rebels had come up with a solution eventually - they would take him to their planet with the Chiss shuttle, and get Eli the medical attention that he needed. The only problem was… there wasn’t a lot of space inside that shuttle, so they had needed to make decisions on who were to get on board.

Sabine Wren had had the loudest voice, and oddly enough, she had been siding with him, claiming he needed to be on board the shuttle with Eli. Thrawn would want nothing more, and he wanted to hug her tightly for even bothering to stand up for him, but then reality had kicked in, and he had realized, he simply couldn’t do that. He knew everybody, including the Empire, hated his guts, and the Rebellion was far from his ally. If they knew he was on board, he wouldn’t put it past them to shoot down the entire shuttle, even if it would mean the death of their own. (Although a part of him doubted that very much, but it wasn’t speaking loudly enough in his head.) 

So he found himself pleading with the rebels to save Eli Vanto, to which they had agreed, and then he had to say goodbye again.

He had no way of knowing whether this would be for forever. He had thought, when Eli had defected from the Navy to join the CEDF, that they would see each other soon enough, but that hadn’t happened. He thought about it realistically - if… no,  _ when _ Eli would survive, he would take up his duty again, because he was like that. He wouldn’t get in the way of what was asked of him, and Thrawn could only commend him for it. Perhaps there was a slight possibility that Eli would search for him, but really… why should he? Thrawn only caused trouble for Eli Vanto, and all of the lovely memories they shared together could not undo all of the struggles they had faced because of them. Thrawn wouldn’t put Eli through that - the human deserved better than that.

Thrawn entertained short but painful thoughts, of Eli with another man, one who made him truly feel special and loved, and again, who wasn’t as high-maintenance as Thrawn was. The thought both comforted and upset Thrawn, because he wanted nothing but the best for Eli Vanto, but he had sometimes hoped, far outside of the realm of reality, that that man could be him, instead. Still, he hoped Eli could find happiness, love, all the things he had so graciously supplied Thrawn with over the years. 

He kissed the top of Eli’s hand, as a way to reassure himself more than anything. He knew Eli - the human wouldn’t come for him, and why should he? So this was most likely their final goodbye, and Eli wouldn’t even be conscious enough to partake in it properly. 

“I love you, my sweet. I will always love you. Wherever you go, you may always carry me in your heart. Know that you have owned it from the moment we first met, and I have no intention of reclaiming it,” he whispered in Cheunh, again hoping above hope that Eli could hear him, and that he could take these words with him wherever he went. Truer words had never been spoken. 

He couldn’t stomach watching the shuttle disappear completely. Before it had breached the tops of the enormous trees, Thrawn had already started for his hut. 

_ Please. Oh, anyone who’s listening. Please, let Eli Vanto live. Even if we never see each other again, I couldn’t possibly stand the idea of him not surviving.  _

~...~

Thrawn had contemplated suicide before. 

It was not the Chiss way. Chiss were warriors, they didn’t give in to such puny thoughts. They died valiantly in battle, or on board their spaceships, or simply of old age after a life lived in superiority. 

But Mitth’raw’nuruodo had always been a different kind of Chiss. There had been ample people confirming that over the years. 

Yet never had he actually given deep, conscientious thought to suicide as he did now, miserable after having parted from Eli, with the knowledge they would likely never see each other again. He had made a rope out of some vines, and kept it by his bedside until he got the message of Eli’s fate - he felt it could still go either way.

Thrawn wouldn’t live to see much after that, in any case. If Eli died, there was truly nothing in this world worth living for, and there was no place in this world for him anyway. Nobody would have him; and if Eli survived, well, the human wouldn’t stoop to reconnecting with Thrawn, he knew that much. He had blown their reunion, twice, and despite the lovely words that had been said while Eli had been sick, it had been just that - words of a sick man, who had every reason to believe he might die very soon. Thrawn had reveled in the sound of those lovely words on the human’s lips, had safely locked them away in his memory palace, to access whenever the need should arise, but he had known the reality of their future together. 

There was none. 

The Rebellion had sent ships to rescue any ex-Imperials who were willing to work with them, and it left only a few. They were the older generation, the ones who were stubborn enough to stick with the Empire, even when the entire establishment hadn’t done anything for them since their disappearance. 

A few of them checked in on him every other day, to make sure he was still alive and breathing, but that was the bare minimum of any sentient life - to be breathing, to breathe oxygen or anything similar, to digest. It said nothing of the quality of that life lived. 

A familiar, yet odd sound came from his bedside table - he hadn’t heard that sound in forever… nobody had bothered to contact him, and even if they had, they were likely to stumble into interference, due to the large amount of trees on this planet, and their presumed distance from civilized society. 

It was his comlink. 

He frowned and picked it up, hesitant. But then he realized he had nothing to lose, even if parties with sinister motives would be able to track him down - it would just speed up the whole rope business. Perhaps it would be more efficient in the end. He almost hoped this was the Empire looking to exact revenge on him.

It was not, in fact, the Empire. The person on the frequency wasn’t even speaking Basic. His mind was deteriorating, he knew that much, because it took him quite some time to realize that the person was speaking in Cheunh.

“Commander Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” Suddenly, those syllables were plain as day, and Thrawn nearly startled - especially as he recognized that voice. Couldn’t possibly forget it, for all the times it had berated and corrected him.

“Admiral Ar’alani.”

“Correct.” They were both silent for some time, and Thrawn felt something bubble up his chest, but he wasn’t as of yet certain what that feeling was. “I am glad to hear your voice, Commander.”

“Are you?”

“Of course. We went to great lengths to get your frequency.” Of course, the Admiral was only happy to hear his voice because it would mean that their work wasn’t for naught. “How are you doing, Commander?”

That was an odd question to ask him, especially coming from a fellow Chiss. Chiss generally didn’t talk about mental health, or any sort of health, really. He shook his head. It was impertinent of him to assume that she was talking about his mental health, but it was telling that that was the first thing his own mind went to.

“Why are you calling, Admiral?”

“Eli’van’to.”

Thrawn’s breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t actually expected anyone to contact him about the state of Eli’s well-being. Was this the call that would end both of them? 

“Yes?”

“He is alive and well, Commander.”

Thrawn lowered the comlink and sank onto his bed. He let out a breath of relief, a breath he hadn’t been aware that he had been holding. Eli was alive. Thank the Force, the maker, whatever omniscient power was watching over them. Eli Vanto had survived his ordeal. Thrawn was overcome with emotion at that news, couldn’t force back the tears that were already rushing down his cheeks. Throughout the joy of this wonderful news, his eyes strayed briefly to the rope beside him...

“I thought you would like to hear that.”

Admiral Ar’alani sounded uncharacteristically caring, and Thrawn had known her for years - if presented to her, she was not one to dwell on emotions, at all, and was even less inclined to ask about them herself. She was an ambitious woman, and far from cruel, but she simply recognized what her priority should be. 

“Yes.”

“I have to be honest with you, Commander. Throughout my years with the Fleet, I have entered little to no problems among my men. I liked to stay out of drama for as much as that was possible. But you and Eli’van’to… you have brought drama onto my ship, and I do not much care for it.”

Thrawn had no idea what the Admiral was talking about. Eli had unsurprisingly resumed his duty with the Fleet, if he wasn’t recovering from his ordeal, and he was undoubtedly doing a marvelous job if work was at the forefront of his thoughts. When Eli dedicated himself entirely to one topic, you could be rest assured, he would not rest until he saw it adequately tended to, either by himself or by one of his fellow soldiers. 

“I am sure I-”

“Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to is doing a commendable job, especially considering his injuries. But I have learned how to read human emotions, or at the very least, the Commander’s emotions. He is not happy.” Yeah, well, he had nearly died barely a week ago, and had been forced to reunite with the one person he probably hated above all others shortly before that. Thrawn imagined that Eli’s week had been far from comfortable. 

“I am not sure why you are telling me this, Admiral.”

“Commander, I am wondering why you always choose the most destructive path in front of you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, you heard me. You had a wonderful partner right there, and you let him slip through your fingers.”

“It is more complicated than that.”

“Oh, I am certain of that. You always overcomplicate things.”

Thrawn set his jaw in anger. His previous happy mood had vanished like snow in the summer on the sunnier side of Csilla, and he felt himself nearly crushing his comlink. The only thing that kept him from destroying the piece of electronics was realizing that this was his last link to the world outside of this planet, and perhaps, the last link to Eli. 

“I do not appreciate being talked to in this manner, Admiral. My business with the human is of no concern to you.”

“It is when he is sulking on my bridge and bringing the general mood down.” She paused, then sighed audibly. “I care about the human, Commander. I do not appreciate seeing him in this way.”

In what way? Thrawn tried to picture Eli, perhaps frustrated with his healing wounds, bent over his desk working tirelessly. He couldn’t imagine the human…  _ sulking _ . Did Eli even know that word? (He definitely did, Thrawn surmised, and in three languages.)

“What are you talking about, Admiral?”

“Lieutenant Commander Eli’van’to will always choose what he thinks is best for himself, and that answer is generally his duty - and in this case, his duty to the Fleet. I admire that in him. He is hardworking and ambitious and a dependable character. What he failed to do this time, however, is doing what is  _ truly _ best for him.”

“Which is?”

“Reuniting with you.” When Thrawn was unable to find any retort, after a long silence, the Admiral spoke again. This time, her voice was truly unrecognizable, as something so very human slipped into it - compassion. “He is truly enamored with you, Commander Mitth’raw’nuruodo. Not just in love - enamored. I do not see why, but that is not my business. His reuniting with you earlier this week has awakened a tenderness in him, a hope, that I have not seen in him before. I am honored of Eli’van’to’s work with the Fleet over the years, and we have enjoyed many victories with his help. However, in his current state, I do not see any place for him in my ranks.”

“You are kicking him out?”

“Far from it. If the Commander wants to remain with the Fleet, that is his prerogative, and I will not obstruct him in his wishes. Similarly, if you do not wish to see him again, I will honor that, too. However, if you feel the same way as the human, I am willing to use our resources to bring you together once more.”

Once again, Thrawn’s breath caught in his throat. His mind was blank for a long time, his eyes having remained on the rope beside his bed all this time. There was a lot of information for him to register and his mind wasn’t used anymore to taking in so much all at once. 

Eli was alive? Eli was unhappy? Eli was  _ enamored _ with him? 

Admiral Ar’alani wanted to bring them together again? 

He pinched himself. He must be having another of these dreams, bordering on a nightmare, where he was faced with the reality of what he had once had, and could never have again. Of the wonderful being that had once graced his side, his arms, his bed. He would just lay back down in the bed, close his eyes, and when he opened them, he would wake up and find out this was all nothing but a wonderful dream.

He did just that, but upon opening his eyes, he found he was still holding on to the comlink, the rope was still laying unused on his bedside table, and he was still shaking terribly. 

“Commander?”

“I am here.”

“Commander, I am aware this is a lot to take in. If you so wish, I will contact you again later today-”

“No.” The Admiral returned to silence again, and Thrawn sat up in his bed. 

Eli was alive. And he was unhappy. And Thrawn was being offered the chance to be with him again, even if he couldn’t be certain what that kind of future would look like. He had let countless opportunities sail him by in the past - he would not be foolish anymore. “What do I need to do?”

~...~

The remaining Imperials in the encampment had quickly gotten wind of what was likely to happen - if only because Thrawn had suddenly left his house and joined up with them, which hadn’t happened at all in the years they had all lived here. 

Much of the remainder of the day was a blur. He was still uncertain whether he was dreaming this all, but he had come to the conclusion that if he was, he would rather stay this way, because his life wouldn’t be nice to return to upon waking up. 

He had half expected Admiral Ar’alani to turn back on her plan, or perhaps for Eli to have caught on to what was happening and refuse to cooperate. If only the human knew what he was being lured into, who he would be returned to, Thrawn was certain he wouldn’t want to cooperate in the first place. 

“He’s here!” one of the others who had been guarding the outside edges of the encampment exclaimed. Thrawn barely had time to register them when birds started fluttering in his stomach - or, whatever the saying was, he was not of sound mind enough to be remembering phrases like that. His hands were shaking and he felt one intrusive thought entering his mind - what if Eli didn’t want this? What if he would be disappointed when he was reunited with Thrawn, instead of elated? But then the Chiss still remembered when he had held the human tightly in his arms, and Eli had whispered those beautiful words to him, and even being sick, those weren’t words one threw around lightly, right? Especially not someone like Eli Vanto.

“Eli!”

Thrawn had hardly registered the human coming into view after Thrawn himself had rounded a corner. He saw Eli standing far away from him, and was just in time to see him drop everything he had been holding and walking, no,  _ running _ towards him. 

Kriff. Fuck. Was this really happening? Was this really not simply a cruel dream, concocted by his messed up mind to toy with him some more? Was this really Eli Vanto running towards him, his face full of hope, happiness, love? 

What had he done to deserve this? Truly, he had no idea.

“Eli,” Thrawn breathed. He had trouble catching his breath, but he hadn’t been the one running. “You’re here.”

He couldn’t believe it. Thrawn had thought this out of his reach, the bridge burned, that ship passed. He had fucked everything up big time, he never should have sent Eli to the CEDF on his own, should have been by his side every step of the way. 

Kriff, he had been so  _ lonely _ . 

A tear fell down Eli’s cheek, and Thrawn’s heart was trying to reach out to him, but still, he remained afraid. What if Eli pushed him away now?

But before any more destructive thoughts could flood his mind, Eli fell into his arms, and Thrawn’s heart practically burst out of his chest - both with happiness that Eli would have him, and with worry, because he wasn’t holding himself quite the same way as he had before the shooting, and this would be just their luck, to be reunited for a third time and have it all be torn away from them so violently. 

Thrawn held onto Eli tightly as he guided the human gently into the house they had used only days earlier to tend to his wounds. He made Eli sit down on the bed, and knelt in front of it himself, looking up at the human and tenderly brushing one of his cheeks.

“Are you alright, Eli?” Thrawn asked, knowing that no matter the answer the human would give, he would be lying. Eli looked rather pale and his hands were shaking, but his skin was still warm under Thrawn’s fingers and that had to count for something. He would take care of him, to the best of his abilities, and if that wasn’t enough, he would move whatever planet out of its orbit that was necessary for Eli to receive proper medical care. 

“I am now.”

And happiness overtook Thrawn before he had any say in it. He felt his eyes fill with tears, happy tears, which were a pleasant break from the hot, angry or regretful tears he had cried over the past few years. He reached up and linked their lips, and felt himself gaining about ten standard years to live, the best part of himself rearing its head, because for Eli, he would be that. The best version of himself. After all, that was what the human deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to put this in anytime I write even a little bit about suicide, but I want y'all lovelies to be safe: if you ever feel you need to talk to somebody, even if it's about something you think is ridiculous, please reach out to somebody you know and trust, could be anybody. You can even sliiiide into my DMs and talk to me, I will listen! If you need a professional, and you're in the US, 1-800-273-8255 is completely free to call and you'll be connected to somebody who knows what you're going through and knows how to help you. Don't shy away from seeking help! I love you, and please stay safe!  
> ANYway, this was the last chapter for this story! Hope you enjoyed reading this entire thing, and if you did, please let me know! I have some more works in the making but not sure if I'll be publishing them, but I guess we'll wait and see! And if I don't see you soon, Happy Holidays!  
> Also, in other news that has literally nothing to do with this story but is Star Wars related: so y'all saw how they announced a new show called Ahsoka? And you want to know what my first thought was? 'AH SO /THAT'S/ WHY THEY MENTIONED THRAWNY BOY.' So now I guess it's just a waiting game to see who they will cast for Thrawn. Will it be Buttercup Cumbersnatch (who has the PERFECT facial features for Thrawn) or Lars Mikkelsen (who already did the voice for Thrawn in Rebels and did it SO. FLAWLESSLY.) Anyway, this has been a good year for Star Wars actually, despite everything. Next few years will be LIT.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for letting me know what you think!


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